The miniature Will Smith, Willow Smith, posted this picture to her Instagram (via Daily Mail) and it’s got some people siccing CPS on her full-time, Scientology-appointed babysitter or whoever the hell is raising her since it’s obviously not Jada and Will. In the state of California, kids under the age of 18 can’t get pierced without a parent’s permission, which is why most of us tried to pierce our “straight ear” (or the “other gay ear” as I call mine) using our abuelita’s sewing needle, a Ziploc bag full of ice and the determination to look like Jordan Knight. The key word being “tried,” because I couldn’t do it and quickly realized that the easiest way to achieve that look is by taping one of my mom’s earrings on my lobe. New Kids glamour without the pain.
Jada Pinkett Smith is forever trying to be “cool mom,” so I wouldn’t be surprised if she signed off on Willow stabbing her tongue for the sake of ~EDGY FASHUN~, but that looks fake to me. That stud is almost half the size of Willow’s head. If that shit is real, then I fully expect to see the Daily Mail headline “Willow Smith Rips Her Tongue Back And Forth,” because things won’t end well when you put braces and a tongue ring in the same mouth.
You know, now that I think about this shit, that piercing probably is real, but it has nothing to do with fashion. It’s just a Scientology tracking ball that doubles as a device that filters out any reasonable and honest statements before they leap off of Willow’s tongue. That’s all!