It's Chestica!
Jessica Simpson took a break from trying to make that Weight Watchers money by dropping 50 pounds of post-baby chunk in 5 months and posed for this Twitter portrait while taking Baby Maxi Pad for a stroll around the block. I know, just pounds of veiny titty balls hitting your monitor. Jessica has the entire Wisconsin milk industry up in there. You know how Salma Hayek single-tittedly SAVED humanity by breastfeeding starving orphans in third world countries? Jessica doesn't even have to travel to do that. Homegirl just has to point her titty to the air, direct her leche knob to the nearest third world country and squirt. It'd rain Jessica leche all over that country. Seriously, Baby Maxi probably has to put on snorkel gear before she eats.
I'm all for Jessica trying to get attention with help from her magnificent chichis, but this picture is not the look. With her mouth wide open and those deranged bee sunglasses on, she looks like a Bumble Bee Tuna Bee Real Doll.
via UsWeekly
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Sorry Jessica, unless you make Cafe Lattee flavoured milk from those titties, im not interested.
I admit it, i'm titmatized.
I actually like twitter now, even though I don't tweet. As a sports fan, the fact that reporters announce trades immediately, or a player says something stupid after a loss, then deletes it after everybody has seen it, is amusing to me.
Is there anything even remotely redeemable about this ridiculous woman? (I have zero interest in the tits.) Looking at this bloated, overblown, desperate mess, all I can say is, remember this?
http://www.sweetkisses.us/displayimage.php?album=220&pos=7
PS: Sorry for the double posts earlier - new to this.
Nice fake hair also she looks like she smells...
***** SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
Her chest looks like an ass.
Why don't they just call it a Titter portrait.
You have boobs. We get it. Good for you.
Keep your o-face between you and your husband, please.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
Dear Lord, even her fingers are still fat. And she's doing the "dropped jaw surprised you're taking my picture though I'm posting it on twitter" face to lengthen those chubby cheeks. Dead of summer in LA and she's wearing long sleeves to cover those trunk arms. So much for Weight Watcher's...of course it only works if you actually do the program looks like this chunk hasn't even started. If she lost 20lbs it was all baby and afterbirth.
Just get them out. Really.
--thanks awfully--
She will NOT hold to her WW contract. If she was following her WWdiet and working out 2hrs a day we would already see results. Look at Brooke Burke. She's 40? And after her 3rd kid was pre-baby weight within 6 weeks. For the 3rd time. Simpleton is a fat ass pig. It's always been there.
I hate both simpson sisters with a passion. And the fact that she makes nick lachey a sympathetic character makes me hate jessica even more.
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"I felt very still & very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo."
Submitted by YesterdaysTrashQueen on Sun, 06/24/2012 - 9:25am.
Submitted by dementa on Sun, 06/24/2012 - 1:20am.
What is that plastic thing clipped on the front of her shirt?
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It's a pedometer to measure the amount of footstep she's taken which would make sense if she's trying to lose weight. Some ppl clip them on for the day and it says how many miles you've walked and calories burned.
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I figured as much. I have one, but not once did I ever think to place in on my tits (I usually wear it clipped at my hip for a more accurate reading)...but then again I'm not an attention whore.
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"'Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.' We hear the music and we still think you're insane, bitch. For the record." [Michael K on Megan Fox]
Submitted by parissucksliterally
she is so fucking desperate for attention that she has tweet her stupid fucking fat tits. I detest the shithead who created Twitter.
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Thanks to Twatter there is no such thing as the "15 Minuets of Fame" anymore. Fuck ALL out lives.
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"off brand work out sneakers"?
Ninja if I want to wear Spalding’s, ProWings, and Bobos to the gym, that's my damn business.
Bitch, I'm working out... Not doing daily cunt-nastics via Twitter.”
holy milk tank batman.
jessica's fun bags look huge. where does she find a bra to fit those things... i would have thought she needed a crane to lift them up.
if i see papa joe with a cast, i know its because he has been exercising his wrist OVERTIME after looking at jessica's tits.
This is gross, she is doing her "O" face while pushing her baby stroller. She probably thinks its cute or sexy. Newsflash, its not. Anything having to do with pregnancy, breastfeeding, pushing a stupid baby is the fastest way to turn a man off. Its not sexy. yuck
Submitted by dementa on Sun, 06/24/2012 - 1:20am.
What is that plastic thing clipped on the front of her shirt?
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It's a pedometer to measure the amount of footstep she's taken which would make sense if she's trying to lose weight. Some ppl clip them on for the day and it says how many miles you've walked and calories burned.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
At first I thought that was Kate Husdson, but then recognized the rack. Those titties could flood California.
She is still an attention whore, she will never loose all that weight. The kid has no chance, Maxwell? Poor thing.
as a gay man, i just want to wrestle with her titties.
Submitted by dementa on Sun, 06/24/2012 - 1:20am.
What is that plastic thing clipped on the front of her shirt?
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I asked the same thing? Does it hold the blouse together? Is it for her glasses? Is it a monitor for her ginormous heart? No clue?
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
what a skanky looking, dimwitted hick!
even mouth-breathers have enough self respect not to let her into their club
... and how did unmarried and pregnant work out for your sister in the long run, you hillbilly?
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is a walking argument against nepotism.
Asshole Simpson and Pete were married.
What is that plastic thing clipped on the front of her shirt?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Squiggles, there are few things in life that are more satisfying than Nutter Butters dipped in milk. Do they put a little oatmeal in them or something? Because they have a lovely texture.
All this cookie tawk! I just gobbled almost a whole sleeve of Nutter Butters. Two remain. So. Good.
Ahhh Chestica...her titty squirts could put out house fires. That baby will never go hungry!
Salma, I'll just say that I had more than one... but I had some help! They were soooooooooo gooooooooooood! Luckily, I went for a jog earlier, otherwise I'd be immobile!
No, I haven't seen a recent pic of Maxi! Did the husband take this one because he could have gotten in closer to the boobs, don't you think? lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
hey Stan!!!
Twitter just helps celebs prove how stupid they are, instead of leaving us room for doubt.
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And now I'm hard, too hard to know
I don't cry when I'm sad anymore, no no
Tears calcify in my, fears go inside
How can I ask anyone to love me
When all I do is beg to be left alone?
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sat, 06/23/2012 - 8:19pm.
she is so fucking desperate for attention that she has tweet her stupid fucking fat tits. I detest the shithead who created Twitter.
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And I could liken you to a lot of things but I always come around
'Cause in the end I'm a sensible girl, I know the fiction of the fix
sooooo fucking spot on with the Shithead comment. Very few people have the skill set to do twitter!!!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Did you have your cookie today, Within?
Has anyone seen pics of baby Maxi?
OLOLOLOLOL at the cookie talk...
*leaves fresh baked batter of oatmeal chocolate chip and date squares* ღ
OnT: OK, we got a shot of the boobage, now where is the baby shot? lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
Submitted by letinstar on Sat, 06/23/2012 - 10:33pm.
I bet papa joe has a hard on when he looks at this picture....
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Hi Letinstar - long time, no see. I had that thought exactly. Disgusting, right? What father makes jokes about his daughter's chest? Ugh!
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after drinking a pint of popov, what i would love more than anything in the world is a grilled cheese and tomato on sourdough with spicy curly fires.
I bet papa joe has a hard on when he looks at this picture....
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
You're exhausted and overwhelmed (generally) with your first-born (after the first one, you just bring 'em home and toss 'em into the crib and carry on)
But you feel SO much better if you make the effort to get some exercise/fresh air and eat properly. Even if it seems sooo much easier to live on Mac n' Cheese and doughnuts and take pictures of yourself on the couch.
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Ha, like she really walked anywhere. Just took the pic in her driveway.
If there's anyone that needs a jogging stroller, it's her. Minimum should be running an hour per day everyday.
Softcore preggo porn.
Submitted by SandwichQueen on Sat, 06/23/2012 - 8:51pm.
Tee hee!
Okay keeping it on topic:
(o) (o)
*shakes boobs*
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that's more like it!... heehee!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Tee hee!
Okay keeping it on topic:
(o) (o)
*shakes boobs*
Submitted by SandwichQueen on Sat, 06/23/2012 - 8:39pm.
I came on here looking for funny, nasty comments making fun of Chestica and y'all are talking about friggin' cookie recipes?! Gawd....
Today sucked and I had a smidgen of hope DListed would make me laugh! This is a travesty!!!!!!! *shakes fists*
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so, what you're saying is that you're not gonna show your boobies?... what?... it would make it on-topic!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
I came on here looking for funny, nasty comments making fun of Chestica and y'all are talking about friggin' cookie recipes?! Gawd....
Today sucked and I had a smidgen of hope DListed would make me laugh! This is a travesty!!!!!!! *shakes fists*
even though she is young and should be able to bounce back, I have a feeling she won't. She's always had that fat gene lurking in there somewhere...I don't see her recovering well, which I think is funny since she probably starting stuffing her pie whole nonstop when she got that Jenny Craig contract.
she is so fucking desperate for attention that she has tweet her stupid fucking fat tits. I detest the shithead who created Twitter.
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And I could liken you to a lot of things but I always come around
'Cause in the end I'm a sensible girl, I know the fiction of the fix
Faloola Chong -- hon, you sound way too intelligent to be a true mouf breather, so that immediately disqualifies you from qualifying as one. Plus, you're not a hillbilly like Jessica is. That sucks about your asthma. Feel better!
You think that gadget clipped between her beastly breasts warns her when one is gonna blow?
It's funny how Americans have such a hatred toward "mouth breathers", I've never seen this expression used elsewhere.
I get it though, that slack jawed dumb hillbilly look, not exactly socially acceptable.
I'm sure I'm a mouth breather and have asthma and was always self conscious about breathing too heavily - once at exams in school I got teased for "snoring". Ugh.
Yeah I badly need to see an ENT and look into sleep apnoea and shit, it really sucks. I CAN breathe through my nose at times but it's often too stuffy and I suppose mouth is the default. It's no fun at all. :(
And J-Simpleton probably isn't a mouth breather, just a dumb whore, but nothing would surprise me about that one.
As someone mentioned earlier, Vanessa had only just put a picture of herself up looking about 4000 times more amazing on Twitter. Recently everytime Vanessa posts, Jessucka posts something similar about two hours later. Is she really that tragic that she thinks no-one can tell how obvious she is? Oh, well this whole "we are in love and love having this kid" show will go on until the break-up cover of US Weekly appears, so I guess we just have to endure a little (choke, what am I saying? A LOT) more TMI until then from Ms Slackjaw Titsalot.
Submitted by Virgin Queen on Sat, 06/23/2012 - 7:23pm.
Bored, as Charlie mentioned, the Quaker Oats cookie recipe is a good basic one. Just stick with real butter, add a pinch of kosher or sea salt if the recipe doesn't call for it. It may call for a bit of milk and you can use OJ instead to amp up the orange flavor.
Dark chocolate chips or chunks are a good addition, too. But use ones made with real vanilla, Ghiradelli instead of Nestle. And if you want the cookies crisp-on-the-outside-soft-on-the-inside, chill the dough for a couple of hours before baking (keeps them from spreading). You can freeze the little dough balls and bake a few at a time, too.
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*Wipes drool off mouth* I'm sorry what? I wasn't paying attention to any of that because I was fantasizing about those cookies making sweet love to my mouf hole! That sounds delicious! I will defintely have to try it!
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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Sat, 06/23/2012 - 6:21pm.
the best oatmeal raisin recipe is under the lid of a canister of quaker oats. the best chocolate chip recipe is on the back of a bag of nestle toll house semi sweet chocolate chips. they will never fail you
If you take that recipe and lose the raisins, then add a bad of chocolate chips and a cup of pecans, you have the best cookies ever!!
Bored, as Charlie mentioned, the Quaker Oats cookie recipe is a good basic one. Just stick with real butter, add a pinch of kosher or sea salt if the recipe doesn't call for it. It may call for a bit of milk and you can use OJ instead to amp up the orange flavor.
Dark chocolate chips or chunks are a good addition, too. But use ones made with real vanilla, Ghiradelli instead of Nestle. And if you want the cookies crisp-on-the-outside-soft-on-the-inside, chill the dough for a couple of hours before baking (keeps them from spreading). You can freeze the little dough balls and bake a few at a time, too.