In Dumbass Lawsuit News….

Former Mr. Eva Longoria, Tony Parker, was at W.i.P nightclub the night Wheelchair Jimmy and Fist Brown’s entourages got into a bottle-throwing, bloody bitch brawl. Tony had to go to the hospital after the fight, because a shard of glass flew into his eye and cut up his cornea. Tony is now suing a bitch and he’s not suing Wheelchair Jimmy and Fist Brown for acting like rabid toddlers on roids. Tony is suing the nightclub…for $20 million. THIS BITCH. Oh wait, Tony has a scratched eyeball, so he might not be able to see that. Let me try again:

THIS BITCH. 

TMZ says that in the lawsuit filed yesterday, Tony says that the club security should’ve known it was a bad move to put Drake and Chris Brown in the same section together. Tony goes on to say that the club made shit worse by continuing to serve Chris and Drake as much booze as they ordered. Tony thinks that the club cared more about making money than the safety of the other hos in the club. Tony is suing for $20 million, because his NBA career will be affected if his cornea doesn’t heal all the way.

From now on, Tony Parker should follow my rule about clubs. I only go to classy clubs that don’t have a VIP section, don’t do bottle service and serve all their booze in plastic cups. A rule to live by.

And Tony’s ass should really sue Wheelchair Jimmy and Fist Brown instead. They’re the ones with the money and they’re the douchebags who started it all. The only way this lawsuit makes sense is if you told me that a shard of glass also made its way up to Tony’s head and cut the part of his brain that produces reasonable thoughts.