For the one of you who didn’t immediately hit the I QUIT THIS BITCH button after reading that headline, you’re as sucio as me and we’ll be disgusting together. I seriously can’t avert my eyes from the dead-eyed, slow-moving train of crazy as it crashes into a pile of dirty diapers and sadness. I even watched a few uncensored clips from OctoMom’s self-love porn and the most offensive thing is that one of the sets looks like a P.F. Chang’s. How will I ever enjoy a serving of Mongolian beef the same way ever again?
To promote her debut fap porn, Octo and her jack-off guide Jessica Drake went on Howard Stern yesterday. Octo pulled Howard’s dick when she said that achieving her first chocha seizure on camera opened her up to a whole new world and she can’t wait to explore more of her sexuality. Basically, Octo used a lot of words to say, “A CHECK IS A CHECK!” So because Octo can’t get enough of rubbing love into herself, Howard brought out the Sybian and she jumped on. This clip is totally NSFW unless your boss is okay with you screaming for mercy.
And I don’t know what terrorized my ears more today: Octo’s fake orgasm yodels or the new Carly Rae Jepsen song. Definitely, the latter.