Hot Slut Of The Day!
The rubber coochie and b-hole Fleshlight that a small village in China found in the ground and mistook for a rare kind of mushroom. Oh, I so don’t want to make an ancient Chinese secret joke, but these Chinese villagers are making it so hard!
Shanghaiist says that workers were drilling for a new well in Liucunbu village when they hit bedrock 80mm deep and came across a brand new kind of fungus with two mushroom heads. One of the wisest and eldest villagers who has seen it all says that even he has never seen anything like this before (Side note: That’s an old ho who hasn’t truly lived)! After doing a search on the Internet, they declared that it was a taisui mushroom, an herb that Emperor Qin Shi Huang discovered as the true secret to a long-lasting life. (That Emperor Quin was telling no lies, because a rubber booty hole really is the secret to longevity). Thinking they were a part of mushroom history, the villagers called their local TV station who sent a young reporter. As the villagers poked at the mushroom’s moldy and rubber pussy lips in a bucket of water, the reporter went on and on describing all of its holes not knowing that wasn’t the first time those mushroom’s holes have been poked at. The segment is entirely real, entirely hilarious and it’s what it looks like when Kim Kardashian’s Chinese doctors examine her butt X-rays.
After the news station aired this mess, dozens of people called into the station to tell them that they’ve fucked that mushroom before and it’s not something made of nature. The TV station apologized and blamed it all on the young reporter:
An open letter to all netizens and viewers: Hi everyone, one of our news reports which aired last night has made everyone laugh. This incident has been widely followed, shared and commented on. As our reporter was still very young and unwise to the ways of the world, this report has brought great inconvenience to everyone. We’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts for your criticism and correction. Please forgive our oversight!
致广大网友及观众的公开信：各位亲！昨晚我们的一条新闻让大家见笑了。这件事引发了大家的广泛关注、转发和评论。由于我们的记者还很年轻，不谙世事，在这条新闻中给大家带来了不适和误导！在此，我们衷心的感谢各位网友对我们节目的批评和指正。亲们，请原谅我们的一次疏忽吧。
The TV station tried to get a comment from the male villagers, but they were all locked up in a bathroom together with that mushroom.
That TV station better do a follow-up, because I want to know who in the hell buried that Fleshlight? Were his fap juices that stank that he had to bury his rubber side piece? You’re not supposed to bury a rubber peen hugger. You’re supposed to be hide it under your bed so your mom can accidentally discover it while cleaning out your room after you’ve left for college.
I can’t wait for two things. I can’t wait until these villagers find a mysterious rubber black pearl necklace and declare it as a priceless heirloom from the Qin dynasty. I also can’t wait until the secret ingredient on Iron Chef is rubber mushroom anus.