VaJohnny Has Split
After months of denying the rumors that he's drunkenly whoring it up while she's at home taking care of the chirrun, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis have stopped denying and have publicly announced that they are going their separate ways like Vanessa's front teeth. Johnny Depp's spokeswhore gave a short and simple statement of words to Entertainment Tonight and confirmed that after 14 years together, he's no longer sticking his tongue between Vanessa's gap and they both wish everyone will not sniff up their asses for more information. Johnny doesn't have to worry about me sticking my nose in his ass, because I'm not about to get butt scabies up in my nostrils. (I'm lying, I still would.) Here's VaJohnny's break-up statement:
"Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis have amicably separated. Please respect their privacy and, more importantly, the privacy of their children."
This is the opposite of shocking, I know. VaJohnny hasn't been photographed together in what seems like centuries and all of their denials just seemed like publicist talk for "mind your own fucking ugly business." AND Johnny Depp allegedly has the mark of an Olsen on his peen. When your piece has the mark of an Olsen on his peen, you kick him out of the house, torch all his clothes and get the trailer witch to blow sage smoke at your chocha to rid yourself of the troll curse! So yeah, this isn't surprising.
Every waif-ish, 20-something who always looks hungry should brace herself, because Johnny is ready to whore it up and he's coming for you! Vanessa should also brace herself, because John Mayer is going to try to complete his transformation into Johnny Depp by coming after her. Get yourself some douche repellent, Vanessa!
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I would hit Johnny again and again and again after I gave him a good bath (see 1:32 of this clip)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACV4Krf8JTQ
because of this clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSFbFJA0wrg
(this may be why I majored in English literature LOL)
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Vanessa P comes off as an arrogant snob which is VERY unusual for a French person, esp. someone from the very friendly Paris/Metro Paris region.....
I have no sympathy for her.
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Dark-sided!
Europe has nothing to do with it. Depp never married any of his fiances because he just wasn't into them. He gets engaged to buy time. He should man up and learn how to play the field without getting serious. Dude is needy and always has to be in a relationship, however lackluster.
And they're both nasty skanks, plus she's a one hit wonder. And only in France, lol!
First off, Lainey's Gossip had a story about Ashley Olsen and Jared Leto being seen all over each other one night shortly after Michael K. reported here about the possibility of Depp and Olsen being together. Lainey posted pictures of Leto and he was dressed (stupid hat with long scruffy black hair sticking out, loose jacket, baggy pants, scarf, thingamabobs dangling, sunglasses) and had the same looking-down posture and scruffy face as Johnny. She seems to think it's possible Leto was mistaken for Depp. I am almost positive I came to that story by way of a link here on dlisted (or a link to Celebitchy and then to Lainey's). Secondly, I believe Depp quit smoking years ago "for the kids" because he said so in an interview on his boat heading for his private island (Vanity Fair?). I guess he could have started up again but I haven't seen it. Btw, I think California's anti-smoking laws were the main reason he moved to France, lol. Thirdly, I think Johnny looked so bloated and awful in "The Tourist" because he had had some 'work' done and it hadn't yet settled. It could have just been a peel or something. I do know that he has never had good skin.
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Instead of flour bombing these two.. id like someone to soap and water bomb them.. they just look so smelly and dirty I can't even..
gross
Damn.....JD is my weak spot. Once upon a time I was the ultimate waif, so time to suck in my 33 year old pouch, stop eating, and tell my husband that he will just have to understand if I have sex with Johnny Depp. I already explained that to him about Prince, if I ever get that chance. He understands. But alas, Im probably too old for even a bump in the night with him. Besides, Ive been told he is a face eating kisser.
At least she has her illusrious recording career and her awesome dance moves ....Bwahahaha!!!
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:22pm.
I thought his Olsen connection was for drugs.
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Cosign.
I dunno, I think someone who lived with a
hermit self involved drunk for this long deserves a lot of fucking money.
*claps for Mickey*
That's too bad, I liked VaJohnny. Maybe it's cuz he's been working more and they weren't spending time together nor living in France... sad for the kiddies...
Johnny looks very drunky here!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
@Crazy & @Randé
Thank you guys for always keeping an open mind. I'll save you both some of the good stuff. Now if only I knew what it was and where to get it. *bends head in shame* Yes, I am a drug virgin.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Marriage trends in Europe:
http://www.wikigender.org/index.php/Marriage_Trends_in_Europe
Is babs in den haag also from The Netherlands? Two Dutchies in one post?
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 06/20/2012 - 2:40am.
Mi dos pesos: Post whatever you like. You don't have to defend yourself or your posts. If people don't like it or you, they can post back or move on. I got exactly what you were originally saying.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
They weren't married; she gets child support and maybe some of the joint property. I doubt The Libertine cares what juicy tales Vanessa might tell.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Mickey, don't let the meanies get you down! I thought it was common knowledge that Europeans are getting less religious and matrimonial as the years go by. Y'all are progressive! Viva la marijuana! I'm so jellyjam that you get to live there.
Submitted by FrappenBloat on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:53pm.
Try not to deflate, hon. I was merely talking trends, hence the accompanying links. All my older relatives have celebritated their golden wedding anniversaries too, that's not the point.
Anyways, I'm honored that you registered just to kick my butt. Um..., welcome back, I guess.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
i thought i felt the universe shift today. it was the collected squeal of every single gold digging bitch on earth. may the best whore win!
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
Submitted by yoboo on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 3:22pm.
Like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and many others, I just think he doesn't want a woman into her 40's.
------------------------- Um... Tom cruise doesn't want a woman. Period.
I've always found Depp affected and ridiculous. All that poseur fashion, faux-intellectualism, puppy dog eyes, wanna-be Keef Richards crap has never, ever been sexy.
Vanessa is a shrewd woman and is apparently gunning HARD for big shekels. Since Johnny is worth over $300million and since Gappy has no doubt many stories that he doesn't want to see the light of day, she'll no doubt be worth a good 9-figures by the time the year's out. She pretends to be all hippie-dippy but she has a PhD from GoldDigger U.
Maybe he just realized he was over-accessorized and something had to go?
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Please: It's "rahnday."
James Haven is over the moon that Johnny is now a free man! Get your minds out of the gutter you crazy bitches it's not like that! It's just that James Haven and Johnny used to be a couple of swinging bachelors before Johnny settled down.
James Haven and Johnny would cruise the strip listening to John Mellencamp and picking up chicks. Then Johnny moved to France and James Haven got stuck with Brad.
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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I thought his Olsen connection was for drugs.
There were quite a few items about his thing with AngieHo and I imagine it was the final straw. I thought the Angie/Depp connection was more about drugs than sex but I could be wrong. He looked TERRIBLE in that movie and I assumed he was using. I always think junkies don't care about sex unless it's to get money for drugs.
Even if they didnt fuck, Angie wanted everyone to *think* they did.
Vanessa is better off without him, IMO. He looks awful and he's on some bad shit.
Has no one traced his marriage woes back to Ho-lie yet? We never heard of these two twats having problems until he began to film that Tourist shit.
...is back in with a chance....
Well, Johnny's gone Hollywood.
He looks like a 50 year old boho lesbian. Except not as hot.
Do you smell like stale Gauloises and Caleche? If so, he would.
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Submitted by Whatever on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:57pm.
He slept with an Olsen troll? Gross! He must be having a mid-life crisis
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Seriously! Someone please explain to me the appeal of either of those two. They look like two cranky little girls who've just popped out of a Halloween costume shop. Johnny can score his own drugs and would you really want YOU GOT IT DUUUUUDE! waking up next to you?!
Submitted by Hellraiser on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 7:59pm.
I need to marry rich so I can look forward to the divorce.
Damn, word up!
Speaking of Winona Ryder, isn't she still single?? Do I smell a reunion???
Nobody with teeth like Vanessa or Johnny deserves to be happy.
Nobody.
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Dark-sided!
I'd trade places wid Vanessa. Shit, I'd trade places with her gap teeth. All she has to do now is raise the kids in the lovely French countryside and spend Depp's money. And she never has to fuck or fake it for this man ever again. I need to marry rich so I can look forward to the divorce. _______________________________________________
What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
They both look like they smell of corn chips, cig smoke, and B.O.
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"MY FAVORITE CEREAL IS LIFE! AND I GOT IT; AND I LIVED!!!"
Got 2B Real : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRHIwO_tE34&feature=relmfu
If Johnny's been with an Olsen, he needs a Silkwood shower, an exorcism and a stint on "Intervention" before he's safe for public consumption. However, that won't stop anyone in Hollyweird from jumping him, trinkets and all.
I wonder who will be skinny and goth-looking enough to be his next woman, though?
Submitted by Caramel on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 6:51pm.
I can't for the life of me see what was wrong with his life: occasional Hollywood movie to rake in millions of dollars then back to France for family life in the countryside with a lovely woman & two kids he adores.
Sounds awful...
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Don't forget the private island he has. *sigh*
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
I can't for the life of me see what was wrong with his life: occasional Hollywood movie to rake in millions of dollars then back to France for family life in the countryside with a lovely woman & two kids he adores.
Sounds awful...
I just can't get interested in guys who cheat or who are obviously having a mid life crisis. Because once the shine wears off their peen, you've got the same misery they bestowed on their past parnter.
Sad to see this, but I am not surprised of her decision. He has been sounding drunk constantly for how many years now? At least 8. I don't see a happy future for him unless he tries to get his shit together.
Now Johnny is gonna date some Hollywood bimbo who's 20 years younger than him. Typical. I just hope that now he's not with Vanessa anymore, he's gonna take a shower and stop fighting the hot.
Oh well. She'll never have to look at his rotten teeth again, or him hers.
It's nice to see that Johnny Depp has decided to be more than a middle-aged male with money stereotype. Oh wait, my bad, he's using the drugging (anyone hanging with Manson is suspect), boozing, banging twenty-somethings template too.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:04pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:00pm.
Man, those bath salts are some scary shit... I used to say I would try any drug once, other than heroin... I think bath salts has taken the lead.
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The one drug that scared the crap out of me was meth. In my one class, we did nearly a month dedicated to meth...I still remember seeing pics of a dude on meth that cut his own stomach out. Then there's the infamous methouses and "labs". Ugh, I wanted to bathe in bleach after those lectures.
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Christ. Bleach, followed by holy water.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
I don't have anything against JDepp (well, besides the fact that he looks like he hasn't taken a bath in a year), but he keeps doing the same exact movies. Really if you've seen one Depp-Tim Burton collaboration, you've seen them all. Do something new and exciting, fer chrissakes....he's about as tired as Jennifer Aniston and romantic comedies at this point.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 3:32pm.
Submitted by Lily85 on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 3:24pm.
"And he never married her."
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Marriage is not as big in Europe as it is in the States. They probably have some sort of partnership agreement, as so many of my friends do.
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What?! BullSh*t. I live in Europe, and have several parts & countries including Paris & Belgium. Trust me, marriage is as big a deal here as it is anywhere else!! My parents celebrated their Ruby Anniversary last yr. I don't know what your friends are up to, but it's not the norm! Most people here do their best to do things traditionally, unless their otherwise orientated which is cool too.
When Vanessa got pregnant within a month of dating him, fresh from a long rel'ship with Kate Moss, I said this won't work. I was happy to eat my words until today, it took longer than I thought. He never had a chance to truly fall in love with her, miss her etc She was on a plate from the start. Ce la vie.
He def has a type doesn't he?
Btw I was frapbloat from yrs ago, lost my password but read daily! This comment annoyed me so much I re-registered LOL! Hate it when people spout such crap!!
Its sad and he's stupid if he thinks he will fine happiness in hollywood. Might just end up in rehab if lucky and not found dead in some hotel room. I mean if anything get back with winona i always thought they made a good couple.
Doobies and Boobies--Brandon Brown
Babs in Den Haag
UGH - JDepp has not been hot or even attractive in years!
Just don't understand his popularity. I loved him in What's Eating Gilbert Grape but after that - eeeewwwwww!!!! And he is always smoking those hand-rolled cigs...
I live in Europe and those type cigarettes smell a thousand times worse than say, a Marlboro...
'...that they are going their separate ways like Vanessa's front teeth' hehehehhehe god damn MK!!! i have to study but i can't cos i'm laughing so damn hard here.
anyways, it's kinda sad?!i guess...cos i thought these two were a match made in heaven; together for so many years, two kids...argh!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
1. Take both the shirt and the pants and exchange them for two sizes smaller.
2. Take the pants back off and burn them.
3. Get pants from this milennia; make sure they fit.
4. Ditch all accessories at the waist.
5. Lose all but one necklace.
We'd be getting somewhere.
The great equalizer between the Trollsens and Kate Moss are drugs. You want the good shit? Ya gotta go through them. I was very disappointed when Heath Ledger was hanging around that mess. Johnny thinks he's Keef Richards sometimes. We'll see. Vanessa will be just fine. She has her own life. They were a good match while it lasted.
Miz, you forget that he is a man and therfore, his wienner makes all of his decisions for him.