Open Post: Hosted By Cholo Fez
Today's "no puedo" moment is brought to you by a cholofied Wilmer Valderrama.
We're living in a bizarre world, because somebody fronted the money for a movie called "School Dance" directed by Mimi's husband Nick Cannon and starring Wilmer Valderrama as a vato, Efren Ramirez and Amber Rose as some kind of bald-headed rockabilly skank. The hell is that movie? I don't even know.... This is either a comedy or an insurance scam. Fez as a cholo is almost as ridiculous as Kelso as a skinhead. Sure, Wilmer sort of looks the part, but if he pointed a gun at you, you'd probably swat it away and say, "Bitch, quit playing. You're Fez! Now roll your socks down. You look like Little Lord Fauntleroy." I mean, just imagine hearing Fez say, "Orale vato." My ears are already laughing.
And I'm trying to come up with Fez's cholo name. But I'm having a really hard time translating "Disney cooch hunter" into a cholo name.
• 
Momus, that almost made me vomit, and I was feeling fine up to then.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:59pm.
Hekki - my kids have started the constant bickering, pushing, shoving, yelling at eachother "MOM! D looked at me!!!!" MOM! LP called me stupid!"
OMG! Every. Fucking. Day.
CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!?!??!
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M.E., apologies if you posted this already, did you figure out what was bothering your son? I hope it's resolved, or if it isn't that it gets resolved soon.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:28pm
you better get that script submitted before Bret Easton Ellis jumps on that
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
OMGGGGGGGGGGG help me Tom Cruise!
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
try picturing your grandpa going down on grandma...
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:28pm
i was occupied with grill and kitchen during Sunday's game -- why was Durant on the bench at the end? fouled out?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:26pm
yep. and a trick i use when i'm having trouble bringing bad stuff up is to put myself in front of my commode and imagine what it would look and smell like if i hadn't cleaned it since i moved in. that usually does it, lol
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Foxxy, I know it. If they don't win tonight it could be a very bad sign. I just hope they've been doing freethrow drills over and over since the last game. They could have won it if they had gotten those long shots. I think they might be intimidated. They should bust out with pride and tromp that Heat!
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:21pm.
Please everybody, if I may ask a favor. Send all your pro-barfing thoughts my way so I may rid my system of the questionable cottage cheese I ate earlier that is making me queasy.
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Imagine LiLo making out with John Mayer whilst Hugh Hefner shouts instructions to both of them.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Submitted by little_rascal on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:11pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:05pm.
Submitted by little_rascal on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:32pm.
T the Real Tool just had a little meeting of the minds with a couple of Dlisters. smdh and lmao
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Uvy - GUUUURL, just go. Hurl it all out.
*voms curdled milk*
not for nothing but, the fck is Amber wearing?
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Uvy...imagine that "smell" again. THat should do it.
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:30pm
i think she shaves it. [sighs] they better win tonite crazy . . .
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:40pm.
"you folks aren't going in there and doing anything inherently mean, right? just good fashioned ribbing, or what?"
weeelllllll . . . if you think it's mean to call delusional people delusional to their "face" and follow it up by talking dirty shit about the objects of their delusions just to get their heads spinning? guilty.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
*huah, huah*
Trying to hold on so I'm not hurling in front of the kids but...
Sweet Jesus.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
@chewinsmoke
I live in North Denver suburbs! I've had this gross,dry hacking cough nonstop the past two weeks because of all the junk in the air! I can't even imagine what the people who are fighting the fires or living much nearer are feeling like!
Uvy just stick your finger down your throat.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:14pm.
ditqoui - LOL. Hard to ignore when they're doing it right in the middle of the livingroom while I'm on the couch.
MOVE DAMNIT!
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Get a squirt gun or squirt bottle and spritz as necessary. Works on Maine Coon Cats, should work on kids.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Uvy - taste like squid sperm????
Please everybody, if I may ask a favor. Send all your pro-barfing thoughts my way so I may rid my system of the questionable cottage cheese I ate earlier that is making me queasy.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Bye ESE!
Toodles, ESE!
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
C ya ESE! Take care.
Pendejo Mericon sounds like a fine Cholo name for Wilmer.
Bombing the J-Cray has been a Dlisted tradition for years now. Generally, what happens is somebody says something disrespectful about the Family. Then that person gets called a "Jen Hen" and is accused of being a fat, knitting, cat lady. Or worse.
right ME...just tell them to move and God help them if they break your stuff. :D
gotta go hand out insurance pamphlets to saber-toothed tigers in need of dental coverage, folks!... it's a dieing profession, i know...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL8q2Ao3pck
catch ya all in the night time!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
ditqoui - LOL. Hard to ignore when they're doing it right in the middle of the livingroom while I'm on the couch.
MOVE DAMNIT!
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:04pm.
Momus, any hints as to what the insurance company may do to Lifetime or Blowhan since they are the underwriters?
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They can:
1. Cancel the policy which would end filming immediately.
2. Refuse to pay any damages caused by her driving.
3. Let her get away with it.
So far, it looks like Option 3.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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LOL GG, great minds. :D
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:00pm.
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:57pm.
My sister and BIL were just in your area (Denver, right?) for a couple of days and said it was HORRIBLE!
Yes I live just north of Denver but I work in Fort Collins and the fire is about two miles west of Fort Collins. I have had a headache non-stop for almost two weeks now. :(
Prolly why my stupid shirt is on backwards.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:05pm.
Submitted by little_rascal on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:32pm.
-Tamsin Is The Real Tool- commenter on JJ? Ahahahahaha those cretins.
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LOL, yes their # 1 attack on you is to call you a name changer. I find that so funny because they can't comprehend that there are tons of people that hate the J/Ps, to them there can only be two or three people. I told them it's a psychological case of defensive denial so their heads don't explode if they actually excepted the truth.
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Whamo, do you know that most obsessed and vicious loon Passing Through that lives on JJ 24/7? Now there's one of us with the name PASSING GAS, ahahaha, which one of you is it? I can't stop laughing!
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:06pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:03pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:59pm.
this is the kind of crap I have to look forward to, huh. greeeeeeeat.
I was thinking the plan would be to just ignore them unless they threaten to break my stuff.
UGH! Last night IDK WTF they were arguing about and D pushed LP and he stumbled back a bit, jumped onto D, got him in a headlock and started punching. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luckily neither of them were hurt and BH broke it up fairly quickly. Is this what I have to look forward to for the next 15 years!?!?
- - - - - - - - - - =- - - - - - - -
When the kids rough housed I just screamed, "If you guys mess up my furniture so help me God I will kill you!". Priorities, I have some nice things.
@Chewin
LMAO!!! Now THAT is fashion perfection!
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:58pm.
Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:54pm.
You can call Fez "Pendejo."
_________________
So Disney cooch hunter = pendejo? Interesting. Is that, like, "douchebag" in Spanish?
yes.
maricon works too.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:07pm.
did we go to school together????? :(
_____________________________________________
"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:04pm.
i think i'm getting the picture now... what?!... i'm slow on the uptake, alright?!... bear with my feeble mind!... HA!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
M.E. - yes.
_____________________________________________
"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by BaconSlut on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:04pm.
@CHewin
Know that you are not alone! I wore a short-sleeve t-shirt WITH A POCKET backwards in public running errands before some strange hooker in line behind me at the Target checkout alerted me of my fashion elegance.
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One of my friends in college always wore a black suit to class. He spent an entire day wondering why he was getting so many stares and double takes. He went home and realised that the seam in the back of his jacket had completely split. And his fly was down.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 5:03pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:59pm.
Hekki - my kids have started the constant bickering, pushing, shoving, yelling at eachother "MOM! D looked at me!!!!" MOM! LP called me stupid!"
----------------
Oh man... My mom just ignored me and my sister and we wound up beating the living shit out of each other... of course, we never bothered mom about it again... if I'd pester my sister WHACK to the face... if she pestered me BAM push her down. She was 5 years older than me... so immature.
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UGH! Last night IDK WTF they were arguing about and D pushed LP and he stumbled back a bit, jumped onto D, got him in a headlock and started punching. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luckily neither of them were hurt and BH broke it up fairly quickly. Is this what I have to look forward to for the next 15 years!?!?
Submitted by little_rascal on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:32pm.
-Tamsin Is The Real Tool- commenter on JJ? Ahahahahaha those cretins.
================================================
LOL, yes their # 1 attack on you is to call you a name changer. I find that so funny because they can't comprehend that there are tons of people that hate the J/Ps, to them there can only be two or three people. I told them it's a psychological case of defensive denial so their heads don't explode if they actually excepted the truth.
ESE, she is trolling poetic. From what I've seen, it doesn't take much to get them upset. All you have to do is criticize the Holey Pits. That really gets to them because they IDOLIZE (and I mean that in the truest sense of the word) that family.
@CHewin
Know that you are not alone! I wore a short-sleeve t-shirt WITH A POCKET backwards in public running errands before some strange hooker in line behind me at the Target checkout alerted me of my fashion elegance.
"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Momus, any hints as to what the insurance company may do to Lifetime or Blowhan since they are the underwriters?
Momus - yep, saw that. As a condition of them insuring her, she was to NOT DRIVE during the making of this shitfest. Oops, bitch done fucked that up.
Someone else also reported that Lilo WAS speeding when she rammed into the semi.
Jack :IWFD!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
LOL CIJ pendejo means pube, LOLOOLOL but also dickhead
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:59pm.
Hekki - my kids have started the constant bickering, pushing, shoving, yelling at eachother "MOM! D looked at me!!!!" MOM! LP called me stupid!"
----------------
Oh man... My mom just ignored me and my sister and we wound up beating the living shit out of each other... of course, we never bothered mom about it again... if I'd pester my sister WHACK to the face... if she pestered me BAM push her down. She was 5 years older than me... so immature.
_____________________________________________
"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Damn. I've been elected to pick the big bitch up from the vet. In my newly shampoo'd car!!
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 06/19/2012 - 4:56pm.
oh, o.k.... i was just wondering(i don't visit JJ)... you aren't makin' death threats or any nonsense, right?... you're coming out of your corner clean, with no horseshoe in your glove, right?... heeheehee!
-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."