Many of you sent this NSFWness to me with promises of Shia LaBeouf peen, and yes I got a side profile of his peen (at the 0:50 mark), but I also got a whole lot of WTNess. You know how people say when you do peyote, you should do it with a guide? Well, I feel like I should’ve watched this Sigur Rós video for Fjögur Píanó with a guide. It starts out with Shia and actress Denna Thomsen sniffing butterflies (Mimi’s drug of choice) before driving into John Travolta’s drag closet by trying each other’s clothes on. Then the shit gets HIGHLY artistic when they start doing an interpretive dance that looks like the Scientology mating waltz Tommy Girl and Stepford Katie did when they made Suri with a turkey baster. That dance is also what it looks like when Baryshnikov gives you the Heimlich Maneuver.
After that, gay pirates sashay in, feed Shia and Deena acid pops and blindfold them with pieces of dirty toilet paper before blowing them down a hallway and into a car. I guess if you have to get kidnapped, you might as well get kidnapped by some gay pirates, because at least you’ll get a blowout out of it. I don’t even know how to explain what happens after that mess. Everyone gets electrocuted by those acid pops! Shia and Deena start breaking shit in Mimi’s bedroom! Dead butterfly murder! Shia cries! Donna gets cut with a lollipop of paint! Someone gets dance raped (I think)! The gay pirates clean up (because gay pirates can’t stand a mess, even if they made it)! And THEE END.
I mean, all I wanted was some Shia peen. Nobody told me I was going to witness a hipster’s Pinterest page come to life. I’ve never been to Coachella and now I never need to go to Coachella after watching that video, because I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what it’s like.
And James Franco must be pissed that Shia out-James Franco-ed him.