Douchebags Of The Caribbean
John Mayer has achieved the impossible by making himself look like a bigger douchebag than he already is. John Mayer wore this "shiver me tampons" mess to Palihouse in West Hollywood last night and it wasn't pirate or costume night. Wearing this mess is only okay if you're at a ren faire, operating one of the rides at Fantasyland in Disneyland, performing in front of Treasure Island, posing next to Fabio for the cover of a gay romance novel, participating in a Firefly-themed role play orgy, working as busboy at Medieval Times or if you're acting in an episode of Dr. Who. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that wearing this outfit is okay as long as your name is not John Mayer. If your name is John Mayer, then it's definitely not okay.
John Mayer's obsession with looking like Johnny Depp needs to stop. Earth to d-bag, you'll never look like Johnny Depp and you'll really never look like Jack Sparrow. The only way John Mayer would look like Johnny Depp is if Johnny Depp got into a terrible accident and had to have facial reconstruction surgery using pieces of a prolapsed rectum. That's it.
• 
Maybe he was attending the NorCal Pirate Festival - it's going on right now.
Nah...he's just a strung-out dweeb begging for attention. He loves it - look at his face. (ugh, I looked at it)
Isn't there a DoucheWhisperer somewheres who can help fucks like this?
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
he resembles a turd stuck half in, half out of a dog's asshole.
------------------------------------------------
"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted"
Why is he biting his nails like a 14 year-old girl? Must be the crippling embarrassment.
Mouth breather ugh
If that thing was on top of me I would seriously get a case of the vomits.
Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 6:57pm.
John Mayer is a druggie, IMO.
_______________________________
Seconded. He's looking way strung out lately, and only drugs could explain this getup. I hope he gets his act together because I do think he has the talent and potential to make a lot more great music. (I know I'm probably in the minority on that but whatever.)
-------------------------
*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 7:22pm.
I know there are few folks who still have a high opinion of Depp, but you need to stop hanging onto the Depp from TWO DECADES ago. Like Mayer, he is also a complete douche.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I watched The Tourist on TV last night.... fell asleep on the couch.... GOD!!! That was so fucking boring!!! I knew Her Highless would be a complete bore (what fucking language was that she was mangling anyway???), but never thought Depp would be so monotone-ishly BORING......
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fuckery is what fuckery does.
Let that be a lesson to him, never to get dressed while smoking a fattie. It happens to the best of us
ewewewewewewewEWEWEWEW~~~~!!!!!!!!!
He's got the Blohan thing with chewing on his dirty fingers........
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fuckery is what fuckery does.
Gardening Girl- I like the ren fair, too, but I (and I assume you, but you never know) aren't rock stars. I draw the line at dressing up, though.
BUT a few years ago I was talking to a friend who was in a band and he told me that pretty much every guy he's ever known who plays guitar is a huge dork (he specifically did the Star Trek live long and prosper hand sign LOL) and the ones like Lenny Kravitz and Stevie Ray Vaughns of the guitar world are few and far between. I had to admit he was right.
Edward Scissorhands is on right now.
Also, ITA with Ihatecharity...I still love me some Johnny, but his MOVIES lately. I am so watching Gilbert Grape tonight.He was so hot back then. Oh, and Leo should have gotten the Oscar back then that he is still trying to get eleventy billion years later.
***********************************************
Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 6:57pm.
John Mayer is a druggie, IMO.
--------------------------------
My thoughts exactly when I saw these photos. Dare I say Douchey is looking..pathetic? The arrogant swagger is gone..now faded to an empty face, dead eyes.
Heroin?
-------------------------------
Fair is foul and foul is fair..
Swashdickler?
Douchebuckler?
I like da ren faire! :(
LMAO The first thing I thought when I saw this was, "Someone's been to the ren faire."
John, yes, the ren fair is fun, but it's dorky fun that you don't really admit to liking if you want people to think you are a rockstar.
You may not be able to ascertain it from the pics, but a hairstyle like that on a guy means one thing: his hairline has begun to recede.
those boots look like theyve seen better days. that means hes worn them WAY more than once...think on that for a while. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry.” -Stephen King
M.E., what you're smelling is all of the Summer's Eve he showers with in order to try to hide his douchiness.
FAIL.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
He looks like he smells. Bad.
all the Chris Hemsworth in the world does not make up for forcing us to consider LaBoef and this asshole on the same day, MK
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I know there are few folks who still have a high opinion of Depp, but you need to stop hanging onto the Depp from TWO DECADES ago. Like Mayer, he is also a complete douche.
I mean seriously, just look at the photos of Depp from last night. The dude is a RAGING douche.
http://www.laineygossip.com/Articles/Details/23511/Johnny-Depp-finally-s...
Mayer might be a poor man's version, but honestly, I can't fucking stand either one of them. And I used to looooove me some Johnny. At least with Mayer EVERYONE knows he's a douche. With Johnny, he still got the "Sexiest Man Alive" way past his prime and well into his repulsive douchiness.
When is he going to make another excellent film like "Donnie Brascoe" or "Gilbert Grape"? This working for a paycheck shit and the string of endless Tim Burton crap is so, so, so fucking wrong at this point. And, what the fuck happened to Tim Burton? His films used to be great.
Death to Douches.
Who was that guy who used to teach workshops for losers on how to seduce women & be a raging dick? Didn't he wear flowing blouses like this, and eyeliner?
Whoever he was, Mayer makes him look like Cary Grant.
Quick! Someone call Goody and ask them to send him a comb!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
"Don't just stand there, let's get to it, strike a pose there's nothing to it!"
He is SOOOO Vougeing while trying to look casual. In how he stands there like he's surprised, oh, then the coy smile, And turn around. Look back "OH! Wide eye with mouth in "O" shape surprise!
WORK it girl, WORK IT!
Yeah, he looks like hell. As only he should look. It's like his soul decided it was gonna make the choice on outfits today.
Butt Pirate, defined.
I get the impression he's actually going for Orlando Bloom rather than Johnny Depp, but it's still a massive, greasy, STD-ridden fail.
LMFPO at you guys and your hilarious comments. You horz are the best.
Submitted by Hellraiser on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 6:59pm.
My 56-year old mother loves her some Mayer weiner. *shakes head*
HAHA! My mom too! Maybe not the weiner part, though. There was a while there when she'd play his albums non-stop.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Douchechill!
WTF is he wearing?
My 56-year old mother loves her some Mayer weiner. *shakes head* The only thing he ever did that I liked (and only by association) is play a song in my favorite episodes of CSI (Built to Kill 1 and 2)which began the whole "Miniature Killer" story line. ______________________________________________
What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
He seemed kind of preppy and normal when he first started. He (and others) are proof that fame makes you delusional and insane.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Douchechill!
Captain Jack Frankenstein. Fucker is scary looking.
What's amusing is ten years ago he looked like a Hootie and the Blowfish groupie and now he's doing this shit. What an ass.
John Mayer is a druggie, IMO.
**************************************************
Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
He might not look like Johnny Depp, but he does resemble Kiera Knightley - Kiera Knightley if she ate a sandwich.
Speaking of gay pirates...
Supposedly he's packing a huge one. There's still no excuse for hitting that though.
i dunno, johnny depp is a pretty big douche who looks like an over-anxious depp impersonator these days, too. they can both go suck a bag of dicks as far as i'm concerned.
-----------------------------
watching hardcore ufos
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 6:39pm.
Someone please tell me how this guy ever gets laid!
XxxxxXxxxxxXxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxx
GG, I know. He is such a tool , ugly, and a bad body. It must be his immense talent. Yeah, that's it. Moohahahaha
GG, wait!
*turns around and bends over*
Now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I guess the parrot must have quit this bitch.
GREAT post MK! Between the headline and "shiver me tampons," this is hysterical!
Advantage, Miss Swift.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Please: It's "rahnday."
Ok, Dog now I'm gonging you! *GONG!*
I'm still waiting for someone to tell me what's so attractive about this guy.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 6:39pm.
Someone please tell me how this guy ever gets laid!
^^^^^^^^^^^^
He thinks his body is a wonderland.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Someone please tell me how this guy ever gets laid!
I get the feeling I'm not the only one who love to see this douchenozzle fall face-first into a cement mixer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
heh@"shiver me tampons"