Time now once again for Lindsay Lohan: Shit Is Fucked. TMZ is reporting that LiLo was found unconscious this morning in her Marina Del Ray hotel room after one of her pink bag carriers couldn’t wake her ass up. Someone in her circle of mess phoned the medics not realizing that this is just what LiLo refers to as “Friday morning” and not a cause for alarm. Lohan’s pink bag of secrets was due for its weekend refill, and LiLo was just making a little room in it via her pill hole (aka her mouth) last night. Ain’t no thing!
The official (coke) party line is that she’s been working two days non-stop on her televised desecration of Liz Taylor’s memory, so she’s real tired.
The EMTs showed up, thought “this bitch…”, roused her ass, and left. Lohan wasn’t taken to the hospital and she’s already back on the set of Liz and Dick. Thinking Lohan had finally tapped out, Elizabeth Taylor’s ghost had ascended to a higher plane of existence. She is now reportedly back on set, furious over Lindsay surviving, and plotting to possess a Lifetime intern into putting a live cobra in the pink bag.
If all this bullshit is just Lindsay doing some DIY marketing for her Lifetime comedy, it’s pretty good. I would much rather read about her almost dying several times than take a cheesy online quiz to figure out which of the Army Wives I’m most like. Answer – Kim Delaney. I drink.