FINALLY! Those Magic Mike hos realized that what’s really going to sell this Showgirls with floppy dicks mess isn’t a stupid plot nobody cares about or a dumb ass annoying girl, it’s oiled up man ass. (Side Whisper: Why, hello there, John Travolta. I know you’re here since you have “oiled up man ass” in your Google alerts.) Press the mute button on this shit unless you really want a side of RiRi’s goat yodel with your man ass. Then hit pause at 0:10 to see Alex Pettyfer’s ass, then again at 0:12 to see Matt Boner face hump a lady, then again at 0:31 to see Pettyfer pout with both lips, then again at 0:46 to see a shadow of Big Dick Richie’s prosthetic peen, then again at 0:52 to see some Texas T-Rex ass and finally hit the double lines at 0:54 for Channing Tatum’s sideways smile. If you need me, I’ll be trying to find a way to make holograms of all those screen grabs to put under the lid of my coffin.