Willy Wonka is not going to be happy that one of his Oompa Loompa took his favorite pair of glasses without asking. Drop that trick in the bad egg trap door!
If La Leche League cared about the shitastic ramblings of a pickle-brained midget sasquatch, I’d tell Snooki that she was in danger, girl. I doubt they do, so she can keep barfing at the mouth about breastfeeding all she wants. But before we get to that mess, Snooki told Good Morning America (via UsWeekly) she’s naming the unborn guidoling in her womb Lorenzo (Enzo for short) and that she’s taking her whole pregnancy really seriously. Snooki isn’t even drinking wine, because she says she’ll “be that person that has a glass of wine and [the] baby comes out with three legs.” Well, Enzo probably wouldn’t mind that since he’d have an extra leg to kick himself in the head with once he realizes that he’s completely fucked and his parents have the parental skills of a jar of rancid pickle juice.
And about that breastfeeding shit, don’t expect Snooki to follow in the nipple squirts of Dr. Blossom….
“I’m just scared. My friend did and she said it was so painful…but I definitely want to pump because it’s the best nutrients for the baby. It’s kind of like you’re a cow and you’re just milking.”
I’ve never milked a cow, but I’m guessing it’s nothing like pumping Snooki’s titty leche. I’m sure that while you’re milking the cow, it doesn’t queef in your face and beg you to massage its fupa with pizza grease.
Besides, if Snooki wanted to breastfeed, it’s not like Enzo would ever get a chance to suckle on Snooki’s tete anyway. Snooki’s filled with so much vodka that her mammary glands are going to make nothing but White Russians. The entire Jersey Shore cast is going to line up to put their mouth under that nipple knob. Open bar titties!