James Deen And Lindsay Lohan Will Probably Bone On Camera

June 12, 2012 / Posted by:

But just like a lemon wedge in White Oprah’s claw while she makes her morning mug of vodka, that headline is getting a twist! Porn star James Deen and future porn star Lindsay Lohan are not bumping pretties (Note: I hate when whores call them “uglies,” because most genitals are prettier than most human faces! Truth according to a peen-hungry slut.) in an actual fuck film written by Bret Easton Ellis. James and Blohan are starring in a mainstream movie and this pairing makes sense, because one is known for fucking ladies on camera and the other is known for fucking the California justice system on camera. Bret Easton Ellis and Blohan also make a good pair since nobody writes messy Hollywood cokehead twats like him and she’s well….you know.

Bret Easton Ellis, the author of Less Than Zero and American Psycho, has been trying to work with James Deen for a while and for obvious reasons. I mean, James Deen has 9-inch peen. What’s not to love? Bret and James will finally work together in a movie the former wrote called The Canyons. After raising money on Kickstarter, The Canyons now has a start date, a director (see: Paul Schrader, the director of American Gigolo) and its cast is coming together. Once stunt car driver LiLo finishes crackifying the image of Elizabeth Taylor in that Liz & Dick train wreck, she’ll start shooting The Canyons on July 9th in L.A. The Canyons will be shot digitally and will probably be released on NetFlix (I didn’t make that up). The Canyons’ Kickstarter page describes the movie like this and yes, it’s like nothing Bret Easton Ellis has ever written before!!!!!!:

The Canyons documents five twenty-something’s quest for power, love, sex and success in 2012 Hollywood.

LiLo as a twenty-something?! I hope they put room in the budget for tubs of lens Vaseline, the best mask makers in the business and CGI.

BEE is really excited about this shit and Tweeted about it last night:

Shooting THE CANYONS starring James Deen and Lindsay Lohan: July 9-31 in L.A. Could not have dreamed of a better cast. Lindsay nailed it…

We know Lindsay nailed it to get the part, but how was her acting during the audition or did they not even bother with that? And LiLo better sweeten up that LSD-loving Geico pig by dropping tabs into his mouth, because that’s the only way she’s going to get insured again. That pig will do anything for a tab.

via Coming Soon 

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