I’m back and I’m down 2 wizdumb teeth. The most painful part was that the dentist’s office played John Mayer for most of it. The best part was when the dentist yanked out a cavity-ridden toof and said, “Have you ever had anything this nasty in your mouth before?” without knowing what kind of slut he was talking to. If dead, bloody, janked up wisdom teeth had mouths, mine would’ve used its to bust out a laugh at that question.
The best way for me to cleanse my ears of the sound of cracking teeth and John Mayer gargling used douche water in the background is with Celine Dion yodeling out Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep” during one of her recent shows at Caesars in Las Vegas. Celine is like a singing block of French Canadian cheese, but she does this shit justice. When the angels reach orgasm and open their mouths, the sound of Celine singing Adele comes out. But that could be the Vicodin kicking in.
Recently, my friend and I had a drunken conversation (or maybe I had the drunken conversation with myself, I don’t know) about “Rolling in the Deep” and he asked me if that shit was about butt sex. When she sings, “We could have had it all?” is she singing about that intense moment when the peen is just a few inches from going all the way in, but you’re like, “Nope. Not today. Back it up.” I bet that when Celine sings this song, that’s the exact image she thinks of.