Non-Shocking Headline Of The Day: Lindsay Lohan Lied To The Cops
Lies flow out of Lindsay Lohan's mouth as often as entire bottles of bottom shelf whiskey flows into White Oprah's mouth, so this latest development in the slow motion car crash that is her entire life is about as surprising as the news that I once again almost peed in the bathroom sink this morning, because I was too lazy to lift up the toilet lid. As for why that toilet lid was down to begin with... A lazy-hating ghost is fucking with me, obviously.
TMZ, who I'm beginning to think has a secret wire stashed in Blohan's top lip, is hearing that when the cops came to the hospital to interview her about crashing her Porsche into that semi-truck, she told them the opposite of the truth. Bitch said that she was a passenger in the car and it was her assistant who was driving. You might be thinking to yourself, "But why would this dumb, stupid, moronic, self-entitled skid mark of mess lie to the cops about that?" Because if you put on a Hazmat-approved mask and pulled her chonies down, you'd find a gold seal on her ass with the words "CERTIFIED PATHOLOGICAL MESS" on it. But if you're going to be a pathological liar, you need to be smart about it, which this ho isn't. LiLo probably figured her assistant would stick with her story, but he didn't. LiLo's assistant ratted her out and told the cops she was the one driving. Well, not only is that dude probably out of a job, but you know LiLo is going to get every drug dealer in L.A. to blacklist him. Dude will never be able to buy a dime bag in that town again! That hurts.
Witnesses at the scene of the crash tell TMZ that they watched both LiLo and her assistant crawl out of the passenger side of the car after the accident. That means she climbed out of the drivers seat and into the passenger seat. That's the part I don't understand. Why didn't they switch seats if she wanted to make it look like he was the one driving? If LiLo's assistant refused to be an accessory to illegal fuckery, why didn't she just wrap her strong arm lips around his neck and pull him into the drivers seat? I swear, this ho needs to be better at scamming.
The cops apparently wrote LiLo's lie in their report and that could get her probation yanked away. Giving fraudulent information to a cop is a crime and she could go to jail for doing it.
If this is true (you know it is) and if LiLo gets into trouble for lying (you know she won't), she'll spend a total of zero seconds in a cell. LiLo will sashay into Lynwood, blow air kisses at her old friends at the VIP check-in counter and take a glamour shot for their celebrity wall of beauty before sashaying back out. The California Justice system is her whore and I'm sure the Lady Justice statue has "Lindsay's Bitch" tattooed on its taint. I think I saw it during a school field trip.
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If LiLo is looking for a new assistant, it appears that Trace Cyrus is looking for another fame-slutting gig. He apparently will work for drugs and tattoos. Just the sort of person who would be most compatible with LiLo.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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i so wish that the truck driver or the assistant hadda' told the cops that Blohan tried to pay expenses to leave the jurisdiction or to stay away from their homes. a little obstruction charge would be a nice side dish with the [fingers crossed] reckless driving/probation violation main dish. hopefully the assistant sealed the probation violation by blabbing that there was booze in the bag that Lohan made quickly disappear
but, unfortunately, what Momus said
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by dlaugher on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 9:39pm.
I used to think you guys were exaggerating a tad about Linds lookng like an old hag. But dang if she didn't replace her yellow old teeth with grandma chompers!
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that's just an encrusted layer of coke on the old butterteef.
About fucking time the people around her started throwing her under the bus.
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"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted"
Bitch doesn't know how to tell the truth...lillo is an idiot...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Momus, that was interesting...
Don't blame the assistant for not agreeing to this "illegal fuckery!" This was a serious accident, f*ck that bitch, she's on her own!
*please get in trouble*
*please get in trouble*
*please get in trouble*
*please get in trouble*
Now, what's this about peeing in the sink MK???! Laziness has a new name: YOU! lololol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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The Long Island Irish Alcoholic Schizophrenic Female is completely capable of so fully believing the lie that the lie becomes the truth. She will simply insist that she was not driving...as far as she can remember...but of course she had just been in a terrifying near-death auto accident caused by an evil truck driver who is out to get her and now of course the Police are taking the side of the people who are against her because everyone is against her and they call her a liar, even though she knows that she was not driving the car as far as she can remember.
I used to think you guys were exaggerating a tad about Linds lookng like an old hag. But dang if she didn't replace her yellow old teeth with grandma chompers!
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Hahaha Lifetime, you got your free publicity right? RIGHT?? Oh, great fucking call.
I think the ghost of Liz is seriously pissed. I hope she trips this bitch all over the place. And love the pic MK!!
Here's the reason why it is very unlikely that LiLo will actually serve any time in jail.
*gets on soapbox, adjusts microphone*
California Three Strikes and its harsh sentencing requirements has caused the California Prisons to become horrifically over-crowded and extremely dangerous for inmates and correctional personnel.
The federal courts have ordered that the number of inmates be reduced significantly, or build more prisons.
California cannot afford more prisons.
Thus, the State Legislature has passed a law that permits non-violent felons to serve their time in the county jail where they were convicted.
Hence, more folks (felons) in county jails.
But, the county jails can't be over-crowded either.
So, folks who commit misdemeanors and/or violate probation, like LiLo, do not serve time.
*closes microphone, steps off of soapbox*
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Curb stomp? YES!
Well, I've been dragged all over the place
I've taken hits time just don't erase
And, baby, I can see that you've been fucked with too
But that don't mean your lovin days are through
Modern Romance
I am hoping and hoping and hoping that this whole thing is a set up for Blohan to rot and die orchestrated by La Liz from her grave so this motherfucking travesty of a movie won't get completed. Either that or someone will take pity on mankind and kill this motherfucking, cuntlicking, crack smoking, ass wiping, delusional mess and blob of existence. Fuck it I give up
Her own assistant rolled on this bitch. S/he probably realized they were never going to get paid.
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012
She will probably show up to court and they'll give her a written apology for the inconvenience.
This orange bitch wouldn't know the truth if it bit her on the flat ass...
Sometimes when your front end gets crunched your door won't open. That's why I think she crawled out of the passenger door...just a guess
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...the end
Submitted by joe shmoe on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 9:09pm.
OMG! It's Freaky Friday! And the Jamie Lee Curtis role is played by her assistant. They were just driving along the PCH, minding their own business when suddenly...
LOL. (You know the plot, I see...)
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Please: It's "rahnday."
OMG! It's Freaky Friday! And the Jamie Lee Curtis role is played by her assistant. They were just driving along the PCH, minding their own business when suddenly..
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Scout Willis, an Ivy League student with A-list parents, lied to the po-po and immediately got slapped with a court appearance.
But this useless, washed-up waste of protoplasm skates...
@illuminaupolis
Hehe I kind of feel the same way.
I'm tired of seeing clips/pics of her in court. Just....just! Okay!?!?!? GAH!
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
Will this bitch EVER learn!? Dumb ho!
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
She could go to jail, but she won't and I bet she sues the assistant and truck driver. Idiot.
I read an interview with her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, who seems to be a nice enough lady, but she said that people seem to be rooting for Blohan to fail. Uh, yeah we do lady because your client is a lying cunt. I heard that lying to the police can seriously fuck her up, revoke her probation and possibly cause her to serve jail time. Lord, puh-lease!
This bitch is the lowest of the low. Can she do anything BUT lie. Stupid fucking cunt. I mean she's a grown woman and she can't be a fucking adult and take responsibility for anything. How are you going to blame your assistant?
she will roll on this one too...poor truck driver, is no one safe from this red headed menace to society....why could she not total her body like her damn car..or the rental, either way this bitch sucks...
There's no hope for this girl. None.
well that didn't take long. this 'ho will never be able to stay out of trouble until the day they slap a toe tag on her, but at least she keeps the L.A. cops busy and the rest of us moderately amused, so she's good for something,
that said, you just know the "Liz & Dick" producers have already called their second choice and said, "better start learning your lines" - just in case.
She'll get a slap on the wrist and be on her merry way. She is a lying slime-bag with no sense of shame or integrity and part of the reason she is the way she is is because the California "Justice" System refuses to give her what she deserves.
Good grief. I don't know what can be said.
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz
Frank N. Beans's picture
Submitted by Frank N. Beans on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 8:22pm.
She wasn't lying, she was ACTING!
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Right, of course! A talented actress like Lohan always has to stay in character, and constantly practice to refine her craft.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
THE BRAKES WERE BAD AND I WASN'T DRIVING AND THERE IS NO PINK BAG OK NOW PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR PILLS AND CRYSTALS!!
YES LINDSAY I BELIEVE YOU IT MAKES SENSE THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING EVERYTHING!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
I hope the assistant sues the piss out of her for defamation, slander, libel, or whatever the hell you want to call it.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
Fuck me. I can't even get out of a speeding ticket.
Like clockwork. I'll be she goes through assistants like Courtney Love went through nannies. God, she's going to kill one of them! Who signs up for that job? You know that instead of a paycheck they get to snort up the residue from the bottom of her purse.
oh for fuck's sake..... here we go again... And White Oprah gives 8327847238 interviews blaming it on everything/one else in 3...2...
I'd love to hear the "Dick and Liz" on-set babble about her latest "setback". I bet the *actual* professionals on set are mighty pissed at the even-more-than-expected bad publicity that they are mired in. You'd think they'd have asked the producers/casts of her previous masterpieces what to expect and how to deal with her antics. Hell, they never even asked us D-Listeders for pointers.
As someone elsewhere posted: Why did she tell the cops the brakes failed if she wasn't driving?
Did her assistant scream "Oh my god, the brakes don't work!" before the car crashed?
She's going to say she was in shock and didn't know what was going on. Head trauma and all that.
She sounds even more brain-damaged than Britney. I wonder if she can even plug her cellphone into the charger when she gets home, or does she need an assistant for that? If she's still living at Chateau Marmont, I guess it doesn't matter. I can envision that she wakes up every day(or night) in a panic, immediately picks up the hotel phone and starts dialing(or using directory-assistance)to call people to help her with whatever crisis she imagines herself in at the moment.
The only type of sashay that dumbfuck is interested in, is a snortable sachet.
She wasn't lying, she was ACTING!
Bitch will beat this rap like she does all the others.
You watch The Tonys and you see Nina Arianda pick up Best Actress practically straight out of leaving school from NYU and become the New York critics favorite IT-girl actor, and then you got Blohan. She's just a car wreck to slow down at and look (pardon the metaphor).
And what a piece of shit she is for saying it was the assistant. What a total piece of shit.
But you know what? I'm pretty sure she's getting out of this, too.
Jesus, those teeth are like something out of 'Toddlers and Tiaras'.
Sooooo fed up to the back teeth of this dumb bitch !
Lock her up and throw away the key already !
"Oh my heavens , my photo has vanished ! "
For the first time, I'm really starting to like her. You have to admire her tenacity and grifting skills.
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What is her problem? She's just laying there...
Now I'm getting tense, I NEED that 'Lez and Dick' movie finished as I already sent out "save the date" viewing party invitations.
I think the cops are as sick of her bullshit legal bullshit and they want to make it harder for her to skate.
Now I'm not a cop, but I imagine they get pissed when celebs pull their "don't you know who I am?" and they get away with their bullshit in court, like Lindsay has. They know a skel when they see one.
But then again, the judge can pretty much do what s/he wants, right? If the judge doesn't want to punish LiLo, they can just let her go without punishmen, right? Judicial discretion, or something like that?
Did anyone in here really think she'd cleaned up her act for good (over the past few months of relative inactivity)?
suckers!!!
Could someone please curb stomp this bitch? Because this shit is getting way too old.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Hahahaa...Blohan & 'Sashay' in same sentence? More like coke sachet..classless turd