Good News For You Single Hos, Trace Cyrus Is Available Again

June 11, 2012 / Posted by:

The meaning of true love is already on the dirty bathroom floor, crying into a half-empty bottle of Strawberry Hill after hearing that Zac Efron and pro beard-in-training Lily Collins broke up and now its going to bawl all of its internal organs out once it hears that the prized steed of the Cyrus family, Trace Cyrus, is no longer rearing on top of Brenda Song. There will be no double Cyrus wedding, because Trace told People that he’s not going to ride off into the sunset with Brenda. As Brenda’s mom Mai Song thanked the gods above the clouds for rebuking the craving for Emo pony peen from her daughter’s being, Trace had this to say about their break-up:

“Brenda and I have decided to go our separate ways. We split up a couple of months ago. We will continue to focus on our careers.”

Seriously, if you’ve ever wanted to see a Thai mother pop her pussy on her front lawn, go to Mai Song’s house right now, because no doubt she’s celebrating being free from those Cyrus crazies forever.

But Brenda is going to regret letting go out of Trace’s lead rope. Brenda will have to find a new moonshine supplier and where else will she find a hot piece who is such a bad ass motherfucker that he has TWO feather drop tattoos. Those feather drops tattoos obviously represent the two canaries he took out. Yes, Trace is that bad. DanRad, you know you want to get on that while it’s hot.

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