Blame It On The Brakes

June 10, 2012 / Posted by:

Thanks to that picture, you now know what the ring felt like when Gollum reached for it.

Lindsay Lohan’s Encyclopedia of Cracked Out Excuses just got another entry. Bitch obviously doesn’t think her “the bitch cut me off” excuse is good enough, because she’s thrown another coke-laced excuse on top of that one. TMZ says that LiLo is now telling friends that she rammed into the 18-wheeler that allegedly cut her off because the brakes on her rented Porsche suddenly stopped working. And tomorrow, LiLo will bend over and shit out a dozen more excuses like, “The black kid was driving! I was drinking Kombucha tea!”

A source (born name: Donata Sullivan) tells TMZ that LiLo is crying to her friends that the semi-truck driver is mouth farting out lie after lie. The accident wasn’t her fault (he says it is), there was no mysterious pink bag (he says there was) and nobody tried to seal his lips with some hush money (he says they did). We already know that the brakes on this messy twat’s life dot work and now she’s also telling her friends that the brakes on her rented Porsche didn’t work either. LiLo thinks this is weird, because the people who rented her the Porsche told her the brakes were replaced just two days before she busted into that 18-wheeler.

You can’t count on this bitch for much, but you can always count on her to reach deep into her ass and pull out a hilarious excuse. The brakes broke? The only way I’d buy that shit is if LiLo snorted up all the brake fluid beforehand or if the ghost of Elizabeth Taylor got revenge by cutting those brakes. Actually, both of those are serious possibilities.

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