Lindsay Lohan Can't Drive: Part 498
The overused phrase "Lindsay Lohan can't catch a break" suddenly has a new meaning. LiLo got into a bad car crash on Pacific Coast Highway today after she failed to the hit brake in time and busted into the back of an 18 wheeler. TMZ says that Lindsay's assistant was the passenger in her Porsche and both them ended up with bleeding bruises. LiLo's assistant was taken to the hospital by ambulance and is reportedly conscious and doing fine. LiLo also went to the hospital, but didn't go by ambulance, because it would be extremely awkward if an 8-ball fell out of her pocket in front of the paramedics. There's only so many times you can use the "DEEZE AREN'T MY PANTZ" excuse.
The doctors are still performing tests on LiLo, but apparently her injuries are not serious. Bitch's Porsche however has a busted window and a fucked up bumper. As for who caused the bust up, LiLo is following the Lohan Family's #1: When all else fails, blame the other bitch! LiLo says that the 18 wheeler cut her off and didn't give her enough time to hit the brakes.
And at this very moment, White Oprah is at a medical supply store buying crutches, a wheelchair, a neck brace, arm casts, leg casts, lip casts, nostril casts and any other tools LiLo might need to scam the other driver's insurance company out of millions of dollars. If that 18 wheeler cut LiLo off, then he cut off the wrong bitch. If that 18 wheeler didn't cut LiLo off, then he got rear-ended by the wrong bitch. Whatever the case may be, White Oprah will be texting LiLo the message "#getinsurancemoneybitch" all day long.
UPDATE: Sources at the LAPD tell TMZ that neither LiLo or the driver of the 18 wheeler were high on the bad shit or boozed up on the sweet nectar at the time of the accident. LiLo and her assistant are already out of the hospital and she's already back on the set of that other car crash: Liz & Dick.
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Submitted by Honeybadger on Sat, 06/09/2012 - 12:41am.
Your move, Amanda Bynes.
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ahaha perfect.
Rande, no groundless hate here, or mental issues. Just wondering why the name switches are necessary, when a lot of us know when it is you.
thanks for the confirmation.
good night everyone!
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Nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key
-Fiona Apple
Submitted by beakers bitch on Sat, 06/09/2012 - 1:15am.
That's the redhaired drug dealer?
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Blohan shouldn't have been insurable because of her DUI convictions. And now she's totaled a $100,000 car. I wonder how it must feel to be her, walking away from fucking blowing $100k on a text or whatever the fuck she was doing, because when a normal person is driving a $100k car, they're most likely paying better attention and don't fucking hit a semi. She and her assistant/supplier probably laughed.
This bitch has earned millions of dollars during her brief career, fucking millions, and she has no assets that the owner of this car could attach. Easy fucking come, easy fucking go.
At least her Lick & Diz wig stayed on.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sat, 06/09/2012 - 1:33am.
He'd prolly say he was being stalked by someone with mental issues and full of groundless hate. He'd say more if requested.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
It's too bad our resident L.A. lawyer Sheeps isn't around anymore. I wonder what he would have to say about this.
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Nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key
-Fiona Apple
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Alright ladies and germs; place your bets on the deathlist. Cuz she ain't worth the return for her handlers. No amount of programming is gonna stop this train wreck.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sat, 06/09/2012 - 12:58am.
Submitted by beakers bitch on Sat, 06/09/2012 - 12:16am.
You mean Pootie??
Who?? (I suck at cult refs.)
Pootie:
http://dlisted.com/2011/12/10/lindsay-lohan-finally-takes-much-needed-va...
so she wasn't drunk. did they check her to see if she was high as a kite on prescription pills? Of course not.
ESE, I have said the same thing regarding Shawn Shithead Holley. Nice going. Thanks for letting this fucked up asshole drive where I do.
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Nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key
-Fiona Apple
Submitted by beakers bitch on Sat, 06/09/2012 - 12:16am.
You mean Pootie??
Who?? (I suck at cult refs.)
Another explanation for the smushed passenger side is she was doing 55 as she tried to whip around a slow or stopped truck and nailed it on her right side (the truck's left rear).
Here's a good rule: It's Lindsay Lohan, so it's never her fault, even when it's always her fault.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Your move, Amanda Bynes.
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 10:22pm.
In my professional (haha right) opinion, this was not a simple rearender fenderbender. The car is only crushed on one side, making it look like (gasp) perhaps she was right and the truck cut her off. My car looked somewhat like this when an SUV sideswiped me. Also, I've had a semi run me clear off the road before. According to this post, neither party was inebriated. It also doesn't say whose fault it was, so maybe it really wasn't hers.
I see how the damage to the passenger side of the car happened, the truck came down the hillside to cut her off or it fell out of the sky.
I am going to guess that IF the truck cut her off as she claims it was because the driver was already switching lanes and she was driving recklessly, changing lanes at a high rate speed, and approached the driver suddenly. Or, she was passing in the right hand lane when the driver was changing lanes. It takes tractor trailers a while to accelerate and complete the intended maneuver. My husband drives truck and deals with aggreessive drivers all the time, and anyone who clips a baby stroller, drivers altered regularly and has numerous accidents is an aggressive driver. She won't be held accountable though because she never is.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sat, 06/09/2012 - 12:11am.
The local TV news is saying it was a dumptruck and her assistant was male. It's the redheaded coke dealer--Aufdenweezer or whatever.
You mean Pootie??
Submitted by findleynb on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 9:34pm.
I hope her chesticles are unarmed
You have your priorities straight--good to see. The pix show her airbag deployed (as well as her passenger's), so her lips, chesticles, and freckles should be fine.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
The local TV news is saying it was a dumptruck and her assistant was male. It's the redheaded coke dealer--Aufdenweezer or whatever.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
thanks deb, fyi i worship bowie.
"got a tv movie coming out, better stir up some publicity"
*points and laughs at assistant*
Seriously...who applies to be an assistant to a Lohan...
Why are you guys getting riled up? This cooz wont get into trouble this time nor any other time. She's famous and white so in California means you can drive fucked up. Even if she kills someone some bitch judge will feel sorry for her. Get over it. The devil is on her side.
Lindsay was smart enough to have an assistant to give the urine sample, so back up offa her!
Submitted by karen on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 9:47pm.
It took a lot of gut s to admit that. And it's a good lesson. So many people think that if their doc prescribed whatever they're on, that they're good to go when they're not.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
WR, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to drive in SoCal traffic, and I am serious. I spent my time on the road there in the passenger seat with my hands over my eyes, so you probably know a lot more about this than I do.
Every time this bitch is in a movie she thinks that she is untouchable and fucks up. Renting a car that's more than her net worth is laughable. And the pictures on TMZ look like the accident took place in the right lane? so how the hell did the drivers side get hit so badly if a truck cut her off? To me it looks like she tried to pass the truck and clipped it.
crazyinjapan, but have you ever seen some of these crazies who drive bumper to bumper behind these tractor trailers? I mean, if they can't even see you, you shouldn't be driving so close to them at high speeds. Besides, I'd still believe a PROFESSIONAL DRIVER over an unreliable - done this many times before - Lohan! Shocking, I know... ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Loopy, bought or rented, Lohan would behave the same way. Insurance pays, so WHO CARES! Dangerous two-bit slagged up ho! And what about the passenger?! *smdh*.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░
In my professional (haha right) opinion, this was not a simple rearender fenderbender. The car is only crushed on one side, making it look like (gasp) perhaps she was right and the truck cut her off. My car looked somewhat like this when an SUV sideswiped me. Also, I've had a semi run me clear off the road before. According to this post, neither party was inebriated. It also doesn't say whose fault it was, so maybe it really wasn't hers.
Even a broken clock is correct twice a day.
They could check her phone for texting at the time of the accident but it still may not prove anything. Texting is just as bad as driving under the influence IMO.
Loopygorilla, we're hearing it was a rental. haha
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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan
that porsche costs like a couple hundred grand...
how the fuck did she buy it? bitch has no money
Thank Cod nobody was killed...get her off the damn road forever. Her long history of car mishaps is a terror for everyone...whether it was drugs or not HER DRIVING SUCKS!
This bitch is going to kill someone. They should seriously revoke her licence for 5 years. She was probably high or drunk or both.
..
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
Meanwhile in other druggie news some bride died from bath salts .....radar
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
Old school dlisters please don't judge, I'm deeply ashamed of that time. but please use caution ESP if you take meds, ESP xanax!! It's like alcohol in pill form....I don't mess with em anymore. I would bet Lohan takes adderal , some sort of antidepressant and a benzo. Common legal drug combo....
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
Jmo but many years ago I used to drive high as a georgia pinehe'Whenon prescribed meds, mostly benzos and opiates. Had many wrecks and was never even suspected of being under influence. Even police had no clue, BMW , Saab , ford escort, two trucks......at that time I had that bullshit "I'm okay to drive " druggie delusion. No one got hurt but I finally quit that shit. Never was a big drinker , first thing 50 looks for is smell of alcohol ....my point is I thought since my stuff was legal and I didn't drink or do illegals that I was good.dangerous and a menace I was... Bottom line, as long as she has legal meds she'll act all high and mighty and not take any responsibility.
I hope her chesticles are unarmed
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 9:04pm.
haaaaaaaaaa. It fits, huh?
This version has a reenactment of her driving, arrest, and trial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I75W9vkTm-8&feature=related
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Well, guess what, you can test sober, and be hungover as motherfuck, which totally effects your reflex skills, judgement, concentration, etc. figures.
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"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted"
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 8:08pm.
The speed limit there on PCH is 45. Coming out of Santa Monica, most people are doing around the limit or 5 over. There's a couple of lights, so you couldn't be going that fast in a truck. You'd also undoubtedly be in the far right lane, by the curb. No, I bet the female Kurt Busch is solely responsible for this accident.
Hey now, if you are talking about Kurt Busch the race car driver, he's not a crackhead like Blohan. Just an asshole.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 8:25pm.
The Mail has pix of her leaving the hospital and getting into a car with her flack, Steve Honig. She allegedly was driving to a set, but Marina del Rey (apparently the only locale to be used in the TV movie) is the opp way. As others have said, she also was out partying late last night.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2156676/Lindsay-Lohans-mang...
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Sooooo she was hung over and driving. I'm really impressed with her maturity and judgement.
This bitch. First of all she's lucky she landed an acting job rather than her usual blow jobs and she thinks it's perfectly reasonable for her to go out and party all night while she has to be on set the next morning. OK fuck all that. She put other people's lives in danger because she was clearly driving too fast and not paying attention / not being able to pay attention.
Really, Cali, there must be some way. She needs to stay home with two ankle bracelets.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 8:58pm.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 8:36pm.
No vid link to "I Can't Drive 5555555555"?
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now, how in THE hell did i miss that opening?!?!... *bows to Rahnday's greatness*...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10X3zJpMDMo
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 8:36pm.
No vid link to "I Can't Drive 5555555555"?
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Please: It's "rahnday."
MrrrKat: thank you for stepping up and reminding us who coined "Diz & Lick". It cracked me up and now that is what that campy shitshow will forever BE.
*deep bow of reverence to MrrrKat*
That poor assistant.
I would seriously rather be one of those monkeys that they welded shut in a capsule on top of a rocket and shot into outer space orbit than to be in the shotgun seat in a car with Lindsay Lohan driving.
one step closer to this chick actually killing someone...
is there any way that the entire California court system can be held responsible when the inevitable happens?
i hope Shawn Holley is pleased with herself.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
May her next spray tan be highly flammable and her fire crotch ignite
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 8:09pm.
Submitted by YesterdaysTrashQueen on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 7:52pm.
Who are these idiots who keep working as her assistants?
Is the job market really that bad that people have to resort to this?
Kitten maids, Lohan assistants - the recession really is biting, dude.
So is it Amanda Bynes' turn to royally fuck up now? I think she'll take a leaf out of Nicole Richie's book and go the wrong way up an exit ramp.
Lindsay Lohan's costar's nalgas flew her so close to the sun that they both exploded into stardust that still lights up Hollywood.
TMZ is reporting that the Porsche was a rental.
The plot thickens!
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
Insurance is mandatory in California.
Unless you're talking about CDW, which is optional when renting a car here.
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Penguin...Batman was so wrong about you.
Submitted by Sweetas on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:11pm.