Lindsay Lohan Can't Drive: Part 498
The overused phrase "Lindsay Lohan can't catch a break" suddenly has a new meaning. LiLo got into a bad car crash on Pacific Coast Highway today after she failed to the hit brake in time and busted into the back of an 18 wheeler. TMZ says that Lindsay's assistant was the passenger in her Porsche and both them ended up with bleeding bruises. LiLo's assistant was taken to the hospital by ambulance and is reportedly conscious and doing fine. LiLo also went to the hospital, but didn't go by ambulance, because it would be extremely awkward if an 8-ball fell out of her pocket in front of the paramedics. There's only so many times you can use the "DEEZE AREN'T MY PANTZ" excuse.
The doctors are still performing tests on LiLo, but apparently her injuries are not serious. Bitch's Porsche however has a busted window and a fucked up bumper. As for who caused the bust up, LiLo is following the Lohan Family's #1: When all else fails, blame the other bitch! LiLo says that the 18 wheeler cut her off and didn't give her enough time to hit the brakes.
And at this very moment, White Oprah is at a medical supply store buying crutches, a wheelchair, a neck brace, arm casts, leg casts, lip casts, nostril casts and any other tools LiLo might need to scam the other driver's insurance company out of millions of dollars. If that 18 wheeler cut LiLo off, then he cut off the wrong bitch. If that 18 wheeler didn't cut LiLo off, then he got rear-ended by the wrong bitch. Whatever the case may be, White Oprah will be texting LiLo the message "#getinsurancemoneybitch" all day long.
UPDATE: Sources at the LAPD tell TMZ that neither LiLo or the driver of the 18 wheeler were high on the bad shit or boozed up on the sweet nectar at the time of the accident. LiLo and her assistant are already out of the hospital and she's already back on the set of that other car crash: Liz & Dick.