Fifty Shades Of Bitch, Please
Both Deadline and The Hollywood Reporter say that Focus Features has talked to St. Angie Jolie about directing the movie version of the Twatlight fan fiction turned mom cream-churner 50 Shades of Grey. I'm sure Angie Jo will really go from directing a depressing, war drama to directing a Nine 1/2 Weeks for the Twilight set. The chances of that happening are about as slim as KFed and Jessica Simpson starring in a movie for the Food Network called 50 Shades of Gray's Papaya (Side note: Somebody please make that movie happen.)
The rumor sprouted wings of foolery last weekend and quickly made the rounds. THR's sources say that there's a chance Focus had a couple of casual talks with Angie Jolie, but it wasn't that serious. Angie's schedule for the next few months is filled with working a pair of dildo horns as Maleficent and Focus wants to strike while the mom pussy is still hot. Universal and Focus deny that they've talked to Angie. Deadline says that the book's writer will be landing in Hollywood soon to pick out a producer, writer and director.
The Angie Jolie of 10 years ago would've directed this mess, because she was a proud freak and wanted everyone to know she kept a ball gag in her back pocket. The Angie Jolie of today takes herself way too seriously and would only direct this mess if the setting was changed to a war torn country and the main characters were changed to a conflicted soldier and his prisoner. (No, that wasn't me asking for a really wrong mash-up of In the Land of Blood & Honey and 50 Shades. PLEASE NO.) The big-screen version of this wreck shouldn't happen anyway. They're going to scrub out all the sucio parts and fill it with product placement. (SPOILER ALERT, like you care) In the tampon scene, Christian Grey is going to pull out her DivaCup instead of a tampon, because DivaCup outbid Kotex for the honor.
If the writer cared about the integrity (HA!) of her masterpornpiece, she would've sold the rights to Skinemax and asked Shannon Tweed to direct it.
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I have a longing for liquorice right now.
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My Lover!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9p0NUNlSk&feature=fvwrel
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 2:00pm.
Submitted by salacious on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:38pm
/as we speak i'm scheduling loon assault time into my afternoon calendar and already lmao. have fun, everybody!
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Excellent! I can't wait to read it. I'm sure it'll be priceless as usual. I've already warmed up the grill so you can finish roasting them.
Check it out. ;)
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
doncorleone: This is your call to action. You are needed over at JJ.
She looks fuckin hot in that picture gotdamn! Oh how the mighty have fallen. She looks like the crypt keeper's hotter sister now.
She was even looking pretty harsh way back then too.
Mr & Mrs Smith was released in 2005. So, Santa Angelina The Dominatrix, pictured above, is from at least 8 years ago. Can you imagine what Her Holieness would look like now in that outfit and without her buttpads, etc.?
In any case, the theme remains: "Bradders, you disgusting little worm, get your sorry ass over here! NOW!"
Great fucking idea. The only problem is, bitch will publicly claim she wrote the script in the attic while dying from flu, just like she did when when she directed that movie nobody saw. You know, that one that was based on the book she insists she didn't know about.
I wish she, Brad and the gaggle of kids would just disappear in the Bermuda triangle.
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
Submitted by salacious on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:38pm
/as we speak i'm scheduling loon assault time into my afternoon calendar and already lmao. have fun, everybody!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by doncorleone on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 1:37pm.
Blangie, just go away. You are only relevant to losers who write in their Hello Kitty diaries every night..
YOU SAID IT SISTA. ROCK ON.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Hey, I have the same outfit!
Waves hi to Within Reason.
brad pitt has got to hate life now.
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watching hardcore ufos
Submitted by dementa on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 1:36pm.
Having read excerpts of 50 Shades of Crap, I can at least assure myself of this: St. Angie could not possibly make this shit any worse. Actually, a bad director doing this could make it hilarious.
Word. People should be shot for admitting to liking this "book". I'd sooner read Twishite than read this. And I'd sooner stick my asshole in molten lava than read Twishite (I've seen excerpts, so this is an informed decision) so you can just imagine how I feel about the rip-off of it.
hell yeah, doncorleone
CLAP
CLAP
CLAP
:D
Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 1:05pm.
can't believe the number of Snow Whites coming out now! Next we'll have the Apple's perspective. It will be called, POISONED! *smh*
Haaaaaaaaahahaha
Blangie, just go away. You are only relevant to losers who write in their Hello Kitty diaries every night about the perfect passion and love of Brangelina and pray to the Meth and Heroin gods to make them as anorexic, talentless, hypocritical, strung out, desperate, crazy amd phony as their bitch idol. I am so fucking sick of this pretentious dope being crammed down my throat. Oh boohoo bitch, your daddy cheated on your mom and you will never get over it but you did the same fucking thing. And loonies do not start in on me - I don't like Aniston either, but at least she BATHES AND EATS. Fuck everyone.
Having read excerpts of 50 Shades of Crap, I can at least assure myself of this: St. Angie could not possibly make this shit any worse. Actually, a bad director doing this could make it hilarious.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by Two Drink Min on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:30pm.
Just make sure you pay the author this time, JoLIE.
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haaa! rimshot!
Nice avie, btw. Enigma is the shit.
@snowpiece, I really like it so far...its one of those books I'm going to stay up until 3 AM just to see what happens next.
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A loon called her rape fanstasy vanity piece what?
God...I guess they have given up on themselves because they seem to exhaust every cell of their being in these two ugly freak shows.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:54pm.
Submitted by twosie on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:37pm.
Angelina has directed only one film and it's a masterpiece. Just think what she'll be able to accomplish with more experience behind the camera. The possibilities are endless. I won't be surprised if she's one day mentioned in the same breath as Welles, Hitchcock, and Spielberg.
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It's a little early to be drinking this heavily don't you think?
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Nah, I think it's something stronger Jacko.
Bath salts?
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
uh huh. this junkie couldnt' direct traffic.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
That's a good picture of Angie...
There's a possibility 50 Shades of Crapola will be around longer!?? Noooooooooo Wow there's an expert hype machine behind this. Just like Twatlight, this should have disappeared in a tragic explosion after the moment of conception. Lol
Anyway, can't believe the number of Snow Whites coming out now! Next we'll have the Apple's perspective. It will be called, POISONED!
*smh*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:54pm.
It's a little early to be drinking this heavily don't you think?
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speaking from experience... it all depends on tolerance, and willingness to fully embrace one's own inner state of embarassment... wait a second!... your question was rhetorical, wasn't it?... yep, here we are in the whole "willingness to embarass" part, and i'm actually sober!LOL!
OT: no, really... i still just don't care!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by twosie on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:37pm.
Angelina has directed only one film and it's a masterpiece. Just think what she'll be able to accomplish with more experience behind the camera. The possibilities are endless. I won't be surprised if she's one day mentioned in the same breath as Welles, Hitchcock, and Spielberg.
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are you lost ?
you in danger, girl!!
Submitted by twosie on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:37pm.
Angelina has directed only one film and it's a masterpiece. Just think what she'll be able to accomplish with more experience behind the camera. The possibilities are endless. I won't be surprised if she's one day mentioned in the same breath as Welles, Hitchcock, and Spielberg.
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It's a little early to be drinking this heavily don't you think?
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by twosie on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:37pm.
Angelina has directed only one film and it's a masterpiece. Just think what she'll be able to accomplish with more experience behind the camera. The possibilities are endless. I won't be surprised if she's one day mentioned in the same breath as Welles, Hitchcock, and Spielberg.
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Ok, seriously...are you booked for any stand up shows on the West Coast in the near future?
*flashes bat signal*
WE HAVE A LIVE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ah, remember when Angie Ho was a hot piece? Yeah, it was quite a while back.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
More like 50 Shades of Difficult Brown
all I see are her boney ass ARMS and that fucking wrist bone............
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Fuckery is what fuckery does.
Submitted by twosie on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:37pm.
Angelina has directed only one film and it's a masterpiece.
Ohhhh, so YOU'RE one of the six people that saw it.
Submitted by samesame on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:14pm.
Is anybody already over at JJ? Please keep us lurkers noticed - I enjoy my sleepless loonie-nights.
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I'm checking it out right now. Have a look, they're only 24 comments short of 3000 on that thread. Once it reaches that number, prepare for the loons to lose their shit and praise the holy couple... "The power of the Jolie" is their chant.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
I think she looks great in this picture, this is when she was still hot now she looks terrible (too skinny now).
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:35pm.
Just find the Twilight fanfiction Master Of the Universe somewhere on line. I wouldn't bother though - it's repressed mommy porn.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Angelina has directed only one film and it's a masterpiece. Just think what she'll be able to accomplish with more experience behind the camera. The possibilities are endless. I won't be surprised if she's one day mentioned in the same breath as Welles, Hitchcock, and Spielberg.
Submitted by Das ist ein Dreck on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:24pm.
Jesusfuckinchrist this is not happening! They really want to make a movie from this retarded twatlight housewifey fuckfiction "50 shades of meh", aren't they?!
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That's Hollywood!
Haven't read 50 Shades of Meh...is it any fun? Someone gets their tampon pulled out, wtf? All the bored mommies on my FB love it, but they're the same ones who love Twilight so I stayed away. I really liked the Hunger Games though, and it was fun to read something that everyone knows about, so...
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:30pm.
Instead of reading "50 Shades of Ghey" I'll just rent a pron.
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pfft!... like you weren't going to anyway!... heeheehee!
OT: nah, i just don't care enough about Jolie to bother.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Isn't that pic a still from Meester and Meesus Smith...back when she was hawt?
Instead of reading "50 Shades of Ghey" I'll just rent a pron.
Just make sure you pay the author this time, JoLIE.
shouldn't this numbfutz be off buying another kid?
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
I agree about the nose changes. The middle of her nose was always very meaty and she kept getting it thinned down and tweaked.
Jesusfuckinchrist this is not happening! They really want to make a movie from this retarded twatlight housewifey fuckfiction "50 shades of meh", aren't they?!
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Do you want a banana?
No i don't wanna
She tries to be all edgy and dominatrix in a lot of her movies but deep down inside she's just a lost little girl who grew up without a solid father figure and worshiped her mother who hated her father to the point where she had Jolie change her blond hair dark brown so that she didn't look so much like daddy.
I do think AngieJo relishes playing evil characters so I wouldn't be surprised if she played Satan herself.
Everytime a loonie loses their shit, an angel gets their wings...
I'm still trying to understand why this bitch is relevant. She has never been in a good film!
If she wasn't with Brad Pitt, she would have been long forgotten.
Submitted by beakers bitch on Fri, 06/08/2012 - 12:12pm.
She has a totally different face now and Mr. and Mrs. Smith wasn't that long ago. WTF?
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I was thinking the same thing. Bitch has had so much surgery. She certainly wasn't considered THEMOSTBEAUTIFULWOMANINTHEWORLD before The Brad Era.
exactly, new AJo would never direct some fap mom porn for bon-bon eating mom jeans-wearing couch jockeys...or WOULD SHE? O.o
you know she's all about reinvention, and there's plenty of money to be made tempting the tummies of the bored housewife demographic...
Is anybody already over at JJ? Please keep us lurkers noticed - I enjoy my sleepless loonie-nights.