Ryan Gosling’s mom, Donna, got her teacher’s degree from Brock University in St. Catherine’s, Ontario yesterday and like the good son he is, he showed up to the graduation ceremony and brought the human dagger in every fangirl’s heart: EVIL MENDES! An official from Brock University told TheSpec that they knew about 30 minutes beforehand that Ryan was coming. That gave officials just enough time to pass around frozen panties to the girls and gays so that their genitals wouldn’t explode into an orgasm sauce geyser as soon as he strutted in. The official said Ryan refused to take pictures with fans and tried to keep all the focus on his mommy.
“He didn’t want his celebrity status to distract from his mom’s big day and all of the other grads’ big day. He was very gracious and extremely aware of his own ability to create a distraction.”
Even though Ryan pulled some “no pictures, no pictures please” shit, one grad managed to get a picture of him and she posted it to her Instagram. I love Ryan’s “I see you, but I’m going to pretend not to see you” face as much as I love Eva throwing one of her signature “Keep hating, bitches, because I’ll be making the same happy face when your fake boyfriend massages my toes with his tongue later tonight!” smiles. Just like I do every time a new picture of Eva and Ryan comes out, I trolled the Internet to see what the commenters had to say. Of course, there were plenty of people calling Eva a Cesar Romero-faced piece of trash who will hopefully get struck down with an allergy to Canadian peen skin. Oh, I love the rage Eva puts in hos. I kind of hope Ryan and Eva will elope, so that I can sit back with a tub of maple syrup popcorn and watch as his fangirls do The Exorcist head spin in unison.
And Lainey says that Ryan and Eva have been driving around Eastern Canada. Eva brags about how she’s fucked in every US State, so I’m guessing she’s trying to achieve the same thing in Canada by fucking in every province. Here comes that fangirl rage….