Jada Pinkett Smith Only Eats Food For Fuel

June 7, 2012 / Posted by:

Seen here slithering around NYC yesterday, Jada Pinkett Smith recently told Essence Magazine that OH MY SHIT I CAN’T GO ON WITHOUT COMMENTING ON THAT BITCH’S CHEEKS! It looks like she’s got two silicone lollipop balls trapped in her face. Is Jada’s plastic surgeon the reincarnation of Wayland Flowers? Even Chicken Cutlets is telling Jada to calm down, because it looks like she tore off Will Smith’s nutsacks and is storing them in her cheeks. If this Jada’s way of trying to get Will to show her some affection in public by licking her testicle cheeks, I’m sure it has already worked.

Cheeks should not look like balloons and I should have not the urge to Photoshop the old man from Up holding on to one of them:

Okay, enough about Jada’s terrifying cheeks. Jada told Essence that her guilty pleasures are fries and pizza, but she normally just sees food as a way to power her body:

French fries, and pizza… together. If I could have French fries and pizza every day I would really live off that. My real diet though, well, I don’t eat for pleasure. I probably had the only West Indian grandmother that could not cook. [Laughs] She was an awful cook, and she taught me that you don’t eat for taste, you eat for nourishment. And I have kept that over the years, so I can eat anything that’s healthy. I eat for my schedule so I have to eat high-protein, lots of greens and healthy carbs so that I don’t fall flat on my face.

Well, the good news is that if Jada ever falls flat on her face, her beach ball cheeks will bounce off the floor and put her back on her feet.

There’s a now a valid reason for why Jada looks like a lizard. It’s because she is a damn lizard! Bitch has the taste buds of a lizard and when she gets hungry, she just goes into the backyard to catch flies and lick on plants.

And after hearing that his wife said “I don’t eat for pleasure,” Will stopped eating between a pair of succulent man nalgas to say, “Huh?”

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