Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 7, 2012 / Posted by:

Choupette Lagerfeld, Kunty Karl’s precious Siamese kitten pet and the only creature on this planet whose soul he won’t pour onto a white gold soup spoon and slurp on to recharge the orb of death in his chest. Every super villain queen needs a fluffy white pussy to pet while he plans world demotion and Kunty Karl has his.

Choupette became Kunty Karl’s sidekick kitty after his human Baptiste Giabiconi asked him to take care of her for two weeks last Christmas. Usually when Kunty Karl lays his eyes on a pile of fluff, he immediately orders his minions to skin it and turn it into a pair of Chanel nipple warmers, but he didn’t do that with Choupette. Karl’s dead heart cracked open and it started to beat for the first time since he was turned into a zombie vampire centuries ago. Kunty Karl immediately claimed Choupette as his own and hired two full-time maids to take care of her and document her every move in a diary. Kunty Karl tells WWD (via Fashionista):

“She is a famous beauty. She is nine months old. Baptiste gave her to me for Christmas to watch for two weeks when he was away but then I refused to give her back. I thought she was too cute. She is like a kept woman. She has a strong personality. She has lunch and dinner with me on the table, with her own food. She doesn’t touch my food. She doesn’t want to eat on the floor. She sleeps under a pillow and she even knows how to use an iPad. She has two personal maids, for both night and day. She is beyond spoiled.

We do keep a diary. When I am not there, the maids take down, in little books, everything she did, from what she ate, to how she behaved, if she was tired, and if she wasn’t sleeping. In the nine months, we already have almost 600 pages. Colette had written a lot about cats. I am not Colette, but I think it could be funny to make a little book of Choupette’s diary.”

That diary must be a thrilling read!

9:25 – We spoon fed Choupette only TWO drops of Diet Coke so she won’t get fat, and therefore become unlovable. As per your instructions.

10:15 – We asked the in-house orchestra to play Mozart and we turned our backs to Choupette as she did her business on a bed of raw diamonds. As per your instructions.

10:22 – As one member of your staff cleansed Choupette’s non non hole with a cashmere cloth dipped in distilled Diet Coke, we gilded her shit and placed it on the shelf in the altar room devoted to her. As per instructions.

And of course, Kunty Karl gave WWD a picture of his precious working an iPad:

The world was already a strange place and now it’s an even stranger place. I mean, Kunty Karl is having actual human feelings for a living, breathing creature? This is not supposed to happen! Nothing good can come out of this. First comes love for a kitteh, then comes Karl declaring he’s a vegan, then comes Karl designing a plus-size line for Chanel, then comes Karl adopting the thing he hates most A CHILD (maybe even a fat one) so that Choupette can have a playmate. Then the dark clouds will go away forever and everything will be rainbows, smiley birds and sunshine. I know what’s going on here. Choupette is obviously working for Kunty Karl’s rival witch Donatella Versace and that pussy’s sole mission is to turn him into Snow Fucking White. And she’s slowly doing it. Who knew that a fluffy white pussy would be the one to bring down the evil kingdom of Kunty Karl?

(Thanks to everybody who sent this in) 

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