Billy Ray Cyrus Is Going To Be Somebody's Father-In-Law
Pull out the special occasion shopping cart grill (aka the vintage one from Target and not the rusty Piggly Wiggly one), plump up the possums caught in the cage trap last night and stock up on Twinkies (the Twinkies are the penises of pastries) from the Hostess outlet to make a four-tier wedding cake, because the chipmunk princess of the Cyrus clan is getting hitched Gale from The Hunger Games and Thor's brother. As my hair icon Memaw Cyrus poured hillbilly champagne (aka moonshine mixed with Mountain Lightning) into the family's Solo cups (not because they were celebrating, but because that's just what they drink with supper), Miley Ray Cyrus told People that at 19 years old, she's about to become somebody's wife.
"I'm so happy to be engaged and look forward to a life of happiness with Liam," Cyrus, 19, tells PEOPLE.
Australian actor Hemsworth, 22, who met Cyrus when they costarred in The Last Song in 2009, proposed on May 31 with a 3.5-carat diamond ring from jeweler Neil Lane.
Liam Hemsworth is close to becoming a huge movie star so I'm not sure why he would sign up to spending every Christmas watching Noah Cyrus spin around on a candy cane stripper pole in the rec room to "Santa Baby" while Trace Cyrus nibbles on the tree in the corner. Doesn't Liam know that on his wedding night, Billy Ray is going to take him into the dark part of the barn to brand one of his ass cheeks with the Cyrus family crest (the mudflap girl breastfeeding a raccoon in front of the Nascar logo)? Why would he do this? Either we should be celebrating this engagement with a sawed off shotgun salute or Liam is just marrying Miley to get closer to the real beauty of the family: Memaw Cyrus. It has to be the latter.
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In true redneck fashion, anyone want to bet this is a shotgun wedding?
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damn those Hemsworth boys like to marry young!
LOL @ jacko and @
"Submitted by RandéSleepover on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:42am.
In Tennessee, isn't 19 a little old to be gittin' married?"
I see no hot in either of these squinty eyed tardo looking boys but you ladies have at 'em!!!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
I sooo look forward to her hillbilly wedding. Stacked Twinkie wedding cake, Schlitz on tap, catering by White Castle, and Billy Ray yodeling all throughout the father-daughter dance. Good stuff.
Ray Bradbury died :(
ontopic: meh, good for them I guess.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
She is totally knocked up. accidentally on purpose. watch for the over-the-moon announcement in 3....2....
this is going to be the most hilarious divorce procedings ever!
"That's my possum! i paid for it, and it's mine!"- Miley Cyrus... as whatever judge that has the unfortunate pleasure of this proceeding bangs his gavel to his temple
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:46am.
As someone who got married at 19
Bloody hell! Jack, getting married at 19 is some 1970s shit.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:49am.
Damn Jack, that fridge really got to you!
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HEY that fridge was there when I needed it, YOU WEREN'T THERE MAN...YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!
*Said in Jacko's voice*
...eye's well up..... :)
*
Oh, and getting married at 19 is SUCH a hillbilly backwoods thing to do. Very appropriate for Miley.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
Yeah, this is gonna work out juuuuust fine.
*divorce in 3-2-1*
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
LMAO @ MJT and Jack!
This can only end in tears and white trash laundry airing.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:46am.
Jack you retard!!
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"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted"
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:46am.
SAVE YO FRIDGE, BITCH!
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Bawahaaaaa!!!
I'd marry Miley in a heartbeat. I wouldn't even pretend, my wedding limo would a Brinks truck!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:46am.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
NINTEEN?
okay we'll give it a year.
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"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted"
Damn Jack, that fridge really got to you!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:46am.
As someone who got married at 19 I can say this is not going to end well. SAVE YO FRIDGE, BITCH!
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Bwahahahahahahahaha!
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:45am.
I thought he was hot in the snow white movie. In that dirty, sexy, have his way with you kind of way. He looks good scruffy with longer hair.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Chris and Elsa have a baby so I kinda hope they last. They seem pretty in love and they are a bit older.
I dated a guy for three years (17-20) and he was going to propose. I was an asshole and jumped ship. I guess that was the point where I realized that I did not want to spend the rest of my life with this person...ever...so why keep wasting either of our time? We were clearly on two different pages because I was not even thinking about that all. I'm still a different person now than I was then. I would have been majorly pissed at myself if I made that kind of decision then.
He's certainly a pretty boy, but he really must be STUPID to even consider marrying this low-budget, gummy-mouthed, frizzy-headed tramp just when his career is about to catapult.
It's perfect for her, though. She hasn't been relevant for quite a while and she was clearly looking for a boost, what with all her titty-bearing in public and "I'm having magical sex" comments.
I give 'em two years TOPS if they make it to the altar at all.
As someone who got married at 19 I can say this is not going to end well. SAVE YO FRIDGE, BITCH!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Let's use the clock backpack (or a clock fannypack) to time how long this shitshow lasts.
I have no idea why this piece of hotness is even interested in that piece of cheap, gutter, tawdry trash. Does she even work anymore?
She'll be up the duff in 18 months and divirced in 4 years. The wedding cake will probaby be weed brownies.
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:45am.
Am I the only one that thinks Chris Hemsworth is only hot when he's Thor?
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I only thought he was hot in Star Trek.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Wishing them 6 months of happiness before it all goes to shit.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Am I the only one that thinks Chris Hemsworth is only hot when he's Thor?
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:39am.
Well as long as he lets me be there to pick up the pieces. He likes older women apparently...so I will comfort him.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
I think these two are very cute together and I know they've been dating a while, but I really hope they wait to get married. I don't see the rush. Statistically, people who marry later are more likely to stick together and not divorce. People say it's negative to say they are too young, but you can't argue with the facts.
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 10:38am.
Trace will pull the marriage coach.
LOL
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Let's see: married at 19, first kid at 20, divorced at 21, rehab at 22, second marriage at 23.
Liam Hemsworth is a hawtt piece, so congrats to the happy couple! *does the twinkie/penis slut... err... salute* ;P
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░
Like i told someone yesterday, i dont believe in serious relationships at a young age. You're still maturing and discovering who you are. You're tastes and differences in life will change.Please don't let this chick be knocked up, because I can't think of any reason why at 22 you would want to be engaged to a 19 year old girl when yoir movie career is about to blow up and you can hace ANY girl you want. This engagement wont even last a year. ___________________________________
"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
They won't make it down the aisle. I think this is more "I'm all growed up, y'all" PR stunt.
In Tennessee, isn't 19 a little old to be gittin' married?
(<< Typical Yankee slander of the charming South, so sorry.)
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Isn't this the answer to the Blind Item of the somewhat serious dramatic actor who was going out with the publicity machine while he and his friends snickered about it behind her back?
wow. What's the rush?
So is Granny Clampett next. She's what? 13? That's old enough in hillbilly years right?
With the hot brother taken, she probably ordered this one to propose.
MJT- he's married to fame whore Elsa Pataky. I'm sure that one will last just as long as this one. I say one of them will be at least separated by Halloween. The Helmsworths seem kind of naive.
Trace will pull the marriage coach.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
There should be a divorce pool for this.
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Too weird to live; too rare to die.
BREAKUP/FUTURE DIVORCE IN 3, 2, 1...
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
I give it a year.
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Too weird to live; too rare to die.
yeah you're 19. you have no reason to even be thinking of marriage for at least another 5 - 10 years. have a seat.
Lifetime of happiness...so that will be 5 years (cos she's a stubborn cunt). She'll be married another 2 times and he maybe 3.
Hmmm, he's 22, she's 19 and they're famous millionaires? I'm sure this relationship will last forever.
At least Miley is giving any future kids a chance at good genes.
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012
His older brother (the hottie Chris) is also married. Boooooo.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Well, isn't that special. I'm sure spawn will soon follow.
"A lifetime of happiness" - let me be the first to laugh! BWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
i must say, I am a sucker for anything Cyrus or Hemsworth, I hope it works!
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