Billy Ray Cyrus Is Going To Be Somebody's Father-In-Law
Pull out the special occasion shopping cart grill (aka the vintage one from Target and not the rusty Piggly Wiggly one), plump up the possums caught in the cage trap last night and stock up on Twinkies (the Twinkies are the penises of pastries) from the Hostess outlet to make a four-tier wedding cake, because the chipmunk princess of the Cyrus clan is getting hitched Gale from The Hunger Games and Thor's brother. As my hair icon Memaw Cyrus poured hillbilly champagne (aka moonshine mixed with Mountain Lightning) into the family's Solo cups (not because they were celebrating, but because that's just what they drink with supper), Miley Ray Cyrus told People that at 19 years old, she's about to become somebody's wife.
"I'm so happy to be engaged and look forward to a life of happiness with Liam," Cyrus, 19, tells PEOPLE.
Australian actor Hemsworth, 22, who met Cyrus when they costarred in The Last Song in 2009, proposed on May 31 with a 3.5-carat diamond ring from jeweler Neil Lane.
Liam Hemsworth is close to becoming a huge movie star so I'm not sure why he would sign up to spending every Christmas watching Noah Cyrus spin around on a candy cane stripper pole in the rec room to "Santa Baby" while Trace Cyrus nibbles on the tree in the corner. Doesn't Liam know that on his wedding night, Billy Ray is going to take him into the dark part of the barn to brand one of his ass cheeks with the Cyrus family crest (the mudflap girl breastfeeding a raccoon in front of the Nascar logo)? Why would he do this? Either we should be celebrating this engagement with a sawed off shotgun salute or Liam is just marrying Miley to get closer to the real beauty of the family: Memaw Cyrus. It has to be the latter.
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I've not heard a one speculation that she could be pregnant and you know why? Simply because she's looking fit as a fiddle. If she was 10 lbs overweight to start with like she was, that would be all people would be talking about (that she's preggo).
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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beard.
That engagement ring looks like something from a Zale's Jewelers in Chattanooga, Tennessee in the late eighties.
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Okay, this wedding is so getting called off. Somehow, they will decide it's best to just stay friends, in other words, he's gonna come to a realization that he can do soooooo much better, ha!
huh. i really don't think this is going to happen. but get 'er done miley!
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Hope she is using birth control.
Wow, she is going to one day realize how much one's perspective changes in a mere few years.
Stupid kids with too much money. Looks like People magazine will stay in business for a few more years.
Submitted by chaka1 on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 4:32pm.
Why on EARTH would you get married at 19???? Especially when you are a hot slut celebrity. When I was 19, I was way too busy fucking and drinking everything is sight. The last thing I wanted was to be held down by some dude no matter how good he looked.
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TRUTH!! I think it's because they see marriage as an extension of dating and they don't really see divorce as a big deal. When I was 19 (AND NOW) there was too much fun to be had to ruin it with marriage.
Perhaps it's the look of S.O.S on Liam's face, but something tells me this marriage isn't going to happen.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Her movies flopped, her singing career is stale so this would be the next logical step to stay in the limelight. Billy Ray will probably be fixing to get this hillbilly hodown on cmt.
In this pic, Liam looks as if he's thinking "Get me the f**k outta here!"
Submitted by QueenieBK on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 4:29pm.
My friend spent a semester in Australia and ran into Guy Pearce near a movie set. She said he is even hotter in person.
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*THUD*
and that does it for me, out and over.
Why on EARTH would you get married at 19???? Especially when you are a hot slut celebrity. When I was 19, I was way too busy fucking and drinking everything is sight. The last thing I wanted was to be held down by some dude no matter how good he looked.
Submitted by Starr07 on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 3:34pm.
On another note, what is it with Aussie guys?
Take young Hemsworth here: not bad. His brother Chris: even better. Then there's Russell Crowe, Hugh Jackman, Sam Neil, Simon Baker, and my new favorite, Guy Pearce. Just got back from Australia where our tour guide up in Queensland looked exactly like Guy Pearce. Had to try very hard not to be all flirty and stuffs...
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My friend spent a semester in Australia and ran into Guy Pearce near a movie set. She said he is even hotter in person.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 11:35am.
I saw these two fools on an episode of Punk'd and she was so fucking annoying with the "babe. hey, babe. babe. babe. hey, babe. hahaha we got you, babe!! hahaha babe, you were punk'd babe." MOTHERFUCKER SHUT UP BABE!
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Haha! That's would grate my eardrums like hell.
On topic: I wonder what's making them get married all of a sudden? They haven't even had/adopted 3 kids or done anything charitable together yet. They're doing it all wrong!
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"That bitch is scary. She really needs to be sat on a tricycle asking people if they want to play a game." - billykelly789-1 on Lady GaGa (IMDB 22/07/2011)
Submitted by Starr07 on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 3:34pm.
No disrespect to anyone here who got married at a relatively younger age; the reason I don't think these two particular kids will make it is because a) it's Hollywood, come on, and b) Miley seems like a self-absorbed twit, and her "Look at meeeee I'm an old soul who is open-minded and wise beyond my years, look at meeeee" schtick is exhausting. She's just play-acting at being a grown-up, so I honestly don't think she's ready to get married. And I have no idea about this Liam fella. But who knows, they might actually be soul mates and are perfect for each other and have put a lot of thought into this.
BTW I think we all know how Chris Hemsworth will feel about this.
"He is still my brother!"
"He's marrying Miley Cyrus."
"… he's adopted."
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by dementa on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 12:55pm.
Submitted by Oddly_Titillating on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 11:16am.
So does that mean he's gonna dump Miley's ass for Jennifer Lawrence? He's supposed to romance her in "Catching Fire," I think.
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so you've not gotten around to reading Catching Fire yet?
I saw we give a slow-clap and induct him to the Gold Digger Hall of Fame.
Ahem, ahem, I was a couple months shy of my 21st b-day when I married, and I'm still happily married 22 years later, tyvm.
Reasons I am still hitched to Mr. Starr:
1. Most responsible person I ever did meet.
2. Super-Dad to the kidlets
3. Sports porn-star equipment that some other ho would get were I to divorce him, and this would not do at all.
So these reasons w/ special emphasis on #3 keep us tethered together...
On another note, what is it with Aussie guys?
Take young Hemsworth here: not bad. His brother Chris: even better. Then there's Russell Crowe, Hugh Jackman, Sam Neil, Simon Baker, and my new favorite, Guy Pearce. Just got back from Australia where our tour guide up in Queensland looked exactly like Guy Pearce. Had to try very hard not to be all flirty and stuffs...
Submitted by Hockey fan on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 2:17pm
"pissed?" Or, "smouldering with repressed passion for Foxxy."
potato. po-tah-to.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Gay rumors?
This has an F. Scot Fitzgerald look to it, as was said end well this isn't going to.
Mother? School? Did you forget? Slip your mind?
Of all the millions of men she could have chosen she hooks up with the one that looks just like her Daddy....
I envision her becoming a real life girl version of Ross, from Friends.
"I didn't get the annulment; all I kept hearing was '3 divorces! 3 divorces!'"
The SandwichQueen strikes again!
I don't get how any guy could look at Trish Cyrus and her inbred-looking brood, and think, "Yeah, I totally want kids from that gene pool!"
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
No. Just no.
No wonder his brother looked so pissed in the pictures last week. I give this a year, tops- if they even make it to the altar. Bad, bad idea.
I give them a year. Assuming that they make it to the altar, which I'm even more doubtful of. Miley is one of those 19-year-olds who thinks she's got the world and all her shit figured out. LIke most 19-year-olds, though, to be fair.
This is either a stroke of genius on his part or a horrible mistake, I'm thinking more of a horrible mistake.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 11:35am.
I saw these two fools on an episode of Punk'd and she was so fucking annoying with the "babe. hey, babe. babe. babe. hey, babe. hahaha we got you, babe!! hahaha babe, you were punk'd babe." MOTHERFUCKER SHUT UP BABE!
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i hate hate haaaaaaaaaate it when people call their SO baby or babe. #1 i think it's gross #2 it's not cute and #3 it's something phone sex operators use a lot. do not ask me how i know #3.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
@Kate773: here's the link. It's definitely an interesting conspiracy: http://www.celebitchy.com/220604/did_matt_lauer_father_his_today_co-anch...
Submitted by miz cynical on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 11:21am.
Sort of OffTopic - since it was Natalie Morales' birthday, they had her kids come out, etc. I couldn't help but think of the BI from last week re: her youngest kid being Matt Lauer's!
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Oohh! I missed that. Link?
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 12:43pm.
This guy's brother is hotter. He's just boring.
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yes, he is. but he'd have to wear the Thor costume whenever he wanted any sexxxy times.
I think Little Debbie snack cakes and 'special brownies' will be featured alongside the Twinkie wedding cake.
They'll stay married awhile...in an OPEN marriage (wink-nudge). They'll be too stoned to develop the ambition to get divorced for a few years, anyway.
Submitted by Oddly_Titillating on Wed, 06/06/2012 - 11:16am.
So does that mean he's gonna dump Miley's ass for Jennifer Lawrence? He's supposed to romance her in "Catching Fire," I think.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
not for long ...
also, please MK -- time spent looking at Liam is time wasted that could be spent looking at Christopher
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
wrong thread
he has no career, so mylie's chipmunk raccoon pussy is his meal ticket.
everybody was saying hunger games would make him a huge star but it didnt lol
This guy's brother is hotter. He's just boring.
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I was engaged at 17. Broke it off after I found out he'd been cheating on me.
I am SOFUCKINGHAPPY I didn't get married that young. TOO YOUNG!
Girls need their early 20's to be FREE and grow the fuck up FOR marriage.
I got married just 2 weeks shy of 21 yo. We made it for 18 years but it was out of pure stubborness on my part, I refused to be a statistic. The relationship sucked and I was stupid. Live and learn. Now that we're divorced, I couldn't be happier.
Yeah this will last for sure....
I should not have read this stuff while eating. I nearly spit out my cereal several times laughing. Thanks MK!
Louise: Awww! Mazel tov!
Which reminds me of the other night my jewish friend called some guy a "gavone" (sp?) and I must have made a puzzled face, because she goes "Gavone! It means pig in Italian!" and I fell over laughing because she's always saying things like "schmuck" and "putz" and "verklempt" and I didn't expect the Italian. She's a trip.
Maybe this has been said, but getting married when you're too young to drink at the reception is just WRONG. Although maybe the answer is to let the kids get pissed as well as marry, procreate and get blown up in Iraq.
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
Pimp Daddy Billy Ray has broke out his best shine. Finally another breadwinner to the family and now he don't have to send mama cyrus out on the stroll to make enough for the evening chiltins. he has a good looking son-in law to be who probably likes boys-but thats no problem for Billy Ray.
He'll do anything to keep from working.He should call up pimp mama Chris for finincial advice and an idea to join their families thru marriage.
I second the comment about this being Britney 2.0 and with all her little look at me desperate attentionwhoring stunts lately I'm betting she either got knocked up accidentaly on purpose or lied and said she was. No other reason for anyone that young to get hitched.
yeah, this will last.
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"I'm thankful that I have everything that I want, and no one has anything better."
-Betty Draper
I was engaged at 20. Thank god I didn't marry the guy!
I give them 6 months.