The Only Part Of Last Night’s MTV Movie Awards That Matters

The MTV Movie Awards was an unnecessary pile of useless dingles, but it was still the best thing MTV has aired in years and that’s because during the Twatlight and Hunger Games appreciation ceremony, chronic panty cream-inducer Joe ManJello came out as Big Dick Richie, his character from Magic Mike, to give the “Most Transformed” award to Elizabeth Banks for wearing a pink wig in THG.

Never mind that Joe ManJello basically called your vagina and my no-no hole an ax wound (that’s what my doctor calls it, so I’m used to it) by wielding a giant ax around like it was his dick, why did Matthew McConaughey and Channing Tatum stay on the stage when he came out? How can one fully fap to Joe ManJello when Matthew’s T-Rex arms and Channing Tatum are in the same shot? I can’t focus on Joe when I’m too busy wondering why Channing Tatum is starting to look like a bloated 35-year-old high school gym teacher who always drunkenly cries about how he had to turn down an invitation to the NFL tryouts because his girlfriend got knocked up.

And is it wrong of me to secretly wish that Joe ManJello’s film and TV career dries up so that he has to start doing hardcore gay porn to pay his gym membership and protein shake bills? I mean, with cum gutters like those…..