Just Married: Drew Barrymore Is

June 3, 2012 / Posted by:

A little over 100 guests including Reese Witherspoon, Busy Phillips and Cameron Diaz (basically the bland blonde trifecta) all swooned with their ear holes when Drew Barrymore said “I do” in that drunk baby lisp of hers to her piece of over a year Will Kopelman at her fancy house in Montecito, CA (or as Drew calls it “Montathito“) last night. People, who let us know that all EXCLUSIVO pictures of Drew’s wedding will be in their next i$$ue, said that Drew got her ass married under a chuppah and a rabbi officiated the ceremony.

Designed by celebrity wedding planners Yifat Oren and and Stefanie Cove – who handled Reese Witherspoon’s country chic nuptials last March – the intimate ceremony was “a classic, simple, very pretty, garden-inspired wedding,” a source tells PEOPLE.

Classic and simple = BORING. What is the point of having a backyard wedding if you’re not going to party it up? Since this is Drew’s third marriage (never 4get Tom Green), she should’ve done it big. Drew should’ve been popping her pregnant pussy on top of a table as her guests threw dollar bills (which is like long grain white rice to the rich) at her.

UsWeekly says that Drew’s something new was a “baby bump” (yes, we’re still calling it a baby bump) and she accentuated it with a wedding dress by Chanel since her now father-in-law used to be the CEO of Chanel. I love weddings where the bride has a serious case of the BABIES!!! You haven’t been to a wedding until you’ve been to one in a Catholic Church where an obviously knocked up bride is standing in front of a priest while wearing a virgin white gown from David’s Bridal. The bride’s abuelita muttering “ay” to herself during the ceremony will take you high, but the bride toasting to her new marriage with a plastic flute full of Mountain Dew at the reception will take you even higher. I mean, Mountain Dew is the Andre of sodie pop.

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