It seems like the weeks leading up to last night’s episode of Don’t Be Turdy For The Wedding, Bravo promoted that mess like it was its Who Shot JR Moment? or like they were going to tell us if Michael T. Weiss ever got caught for beating Jennifer Beals’ character in that stairwell (Never 4get 2000 Malibu Road). They made it seem like seeing the top of Kim Zolciak’s head in its supposed natural state is an important moment in basic cable history. I don’t know why. We’ve seen that bitch wig-less during lesbian days. It’s not anything new.
I doubt you care about the details of last night’s episode, but I’m going to tell you anyway since I feel like typing and I just want to type to type. (Story of my blog.) Kim’s wig tamer Derek J came over the day before her wedding to talk about what she wanted him to do to her bridal wig. Kim really wanted to chav it up for her special pre-divorce ceremony day, but Derek J stuck with the script the producers gave him before they shot the scene and told her she should wear her natural hair. That led to Kim taking her wig off in the other room before coming out without Benji’s carcass on her head.
Bitch looked like a 45-year-old assistant manager at a hair salon that specializes in styles from the 90s, but that’s besides the point. If that’s Kim’s real hair, then I have two dicks for nipples. That has to be a wig or at least a nest of weave pieces. I bet Kim wears a wig under her wig just in case somebody snatches the top one off. If you pulled all the layers of wigs off of Kim’s head, you’d find a plastic dome with the words “Mattel Inc/1967/Korea” branded into it. And you can’t try to convince me otherwise. Clip of that mess below: