Matthew Fox Is Off The Hook For Punching A Party Bus Driver

May 31, 2012 / Posted by:

Heather Bormann, the party bus driver who accused Matthew Fox of one two punching her in the poon and titty area mysteriously withdrew her case against him back in April. And we’re hearing about it just a few days after Dominic Monaghan became the baddest Hobbit in the Shire for blatantly saying that Matthew Fox regularly whoops on women. Hmmmm… Interesting, right? If we were all on the Lost island and this moment was directed by J.J. Abrams, we’d all open our eyes really big and then the music would swell and shit before the screen goes black. Then that Bad Robot bitch would pop up while some dude says some shit like, “Later on Jimmy Kimmel, Jessica Alba…” Yes, it’s THAT suspicious.

Entertainment Weekly says that Heather’s lawyer pulled the case in April, because she didn’t pay his bill and didn’t give him all of the information he needed to move forward. TMZ says that Heather can’t file the lawsuit again and her lawyer claims that Matthew Fox didn’t pay her off. Heather’s lawyer also tells TMZ that she was a pain in his taint and that’s why he dropped her. He believes that Heather stopped cooperating, because Matthew Fox’s team of lawyers threatened to go all out in their war against her.

Ho, please. Matthew Fox obviously kept Heather’s lips shut by sealing them with a check. Or….maybe Heather didn’t want to barf up the terrifying memories of a drunk Jack from Lost upper cutting her in the cooch. Nobody wants to relive that shit. It sucks that this mess isn’t going to trial, because I was really hoping that all the hos from Lost would be called as character witnesses. It’d be like a Lost reunion!

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