To quote the wise philosopher Bonnie Brindle: “No-nuh-nuh-no-no-nooooooooo!”
A huge gaping, gash is scraped into the heart of humanity when useless pieces of throwaway trash like the Kardashians poot out hundred dollar bills on the regular and one of our cherished child stars who temporarily kept us out of trouble by entertaining us through the TV screen is laying his head on a cardboard pillow at night. Former Hot Slut of the Day Jerry Supiran, who played shifty schemer Jamie Lawson on Small Wonder, tells The National Enquirer (via NY Post) that he’s broke, unemployed and homeless. Can’t Obama sign an 80s child star bailout and help a bitch out? Damn.
Jerry says that all of his Small Wonder money is gone and it isn’t because that ginger vixen Harriet Brindle seduced him out of his fortune and used the money to open up a hair ribbon store in Amsterdam with her lesbian lover. 39-year-old Jerry says that when he was 18, he fell in love with a gold digging stripper and she stole a lot of his money. Then one of his financial advisers snatched $500,000 and left him without a quarter in his pocket. Jerry worked as a waiter in a steakhouse in Henderson, NV for 15 years, but lost his job 2 years and hasn’t been able to land another one. Jerry moved up to Central California, where his brother lives, and splits his time between his brother’s house, a homeless shelter and his pied-à-terre under the bridge. How dreadful.
“When I was 18, I dated a stripper and she took what was left of my trust fund — then one of my advisers stole a half-million dollars from me. I’ve worked at different steakhouses for the last 15 years. But two years ago, I was laid off from a restaurant in Henderson, Nev., due to the economy. I haven’t been able to find a job since.
I had to move back to central California where my brother lives with his family. And while he helps me with hot meals and a shower, he doesn’t have the room for me to stay there. So I either sleep at the homeless shelter I volunteer at, or under a local bridge.”
I don’t know why Jerry’s brother won’t let him sleep in the garage, a shed in the backyard or the bathtub. There might be a bigger story there. I don’t know. But I do know that the producers of Dancing with the Has-Beens, The Choice, Celebrity Apprentice and every show on Vh1 need to send a contract via carrier pigeon to Jerry’s place under the bridge, because this is not right. The Post asked Vicki the Robot about this and she didn’t say much, which disappoints me. The Lawsons let Vicki live in their armoire for 4 seasons and that battery-powered bitch can’t do the same thing for Jamie Lawson? I hope Vicki’s joints rust up as punishment for that cold move against Jamie.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have to start a Kickstarter for a reboot of Small Wonder starring Jerry as Jamie, Rojo Caliente as Harriet and Suri Cruise as Vicki.