Reunited And It Feels So Eh

May 28, 2012 / Posted by:

The newest (not really) trend in the City of Shiny Money-Grubbin’ Tramps is to break up and then HINT that you might be reconciling. Do it at someone’s birthday party! Or do it on stage during the finale of your reality show! Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, and her gigantic buttocks came together in Las Vegas for the live finale of their reality show – Q’Viva! The Chosen. I love that title. It sounds like they’re going to save the world from Loki, but do it in a very telenovela dramatic cunt way with hair-flipping, insanity eyes, paternity reveals, and lots of men being tape-gagged. I’m not being pervy, every telenovela I’ve seen there’s a dude with his mouth taped. Univision is kinky.

Hold up. I just checked out the show’s website, and who is the caramel sauce that needs to be on my vanilla sundae? He’s Jamie King and he’s worked with pop music’s finest. He was the one responsible for Old Lady Madge at the Superbowl! Did he choreograph the part where her gout made her stumble on those bleachers? Nevertheless – hi Jamie! I need something choreographed. It involves our penises.

Back to the boring part. J. Lo and vampire made them gasp, scream, and shit when the two judges strode out near the end and hugged and held hands. This could be a humanitarian effort on Jennifah’s part. Marc is down to bones and dust and needs to feed on her curvy parts to revitalize himself. It’s only right. He is the father of her children (not that Casper one).

Check out the pics of their “reunion” in the gallery. If I was one of those “body language experts” (is that a full-time job?) from In Touch or some other pamphlet, I would translate this as “thinly disguised hatred but sharing an addiction to attention.”

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