Even A Bright Red Titty Escape Dress Can't Make Kristen Stewart Happy
The always effervescent Kristen Stewart has three facial expression modes for the world - "Sullen," "Sneering," and "Stoned." Last night at the Cannes premiere of boyfriend Robert Pattinson's Cosmopolis, it was the first two on the menu. You'd be sullen, too, if you borrowed Jessie J.'s stylist and the wacky queen chose a dress that made your titty buds look like they're fighting over who gets the B cup status tonight. And that nipple! It's almost there! Just let it be great, K. Stew!
After much deliberation, I've determined there could be three possible reasons for why Kristen Stewart is so stank-looking all the time:
1. She thinks she might have something on her teeth. You know people get OCD about something in particular? A former co-worker was always asking people to check "her grille" for stray food particles and her nostrils to make sure there were no "bats in the cave". Or, all the finger-sucking has fucked with her teeth and she's hiding them.
2. She thinks that all of this publicity is silly, and just wants people to let her practice her craft. Bella just wants to achieve true artistry! The problem is that she hasn't given a good performance since playing Jodie Foster's transgender daughter in Panic Room. The artistry ain't coming!
3. She's a cunt.
It could be #3. Seriously, if being rich and famous is such a burden, step aside. I'll take over. J. Harvey can play an ineffectual girl in the woods in love with sparklepires. I'll squeeze my moobs into that dress. Shit, I'll make Christina Hendricks feel deficient.
• 
Paul Coffey--- now I'd hit that. Again. Again. And again. Yum. What a nice guy too.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:10pm.
Hockeyfan, you had me howling with laughter. Yeah, I had a run in with him too years ago. The alcohol fumes made my mascara run.
***********
I hear booze and gambling are the *real* "family business". Oh, and Janet has apparently taught Paulina the whoring thing too. Look how well it worked for her. The STD nut didn't fall far from *that* tree. I'm just waiting for their family reality show. You know it's coming...and if it weren't for NHL Center Ice, I'd cancel my cable.
GG, do you mean Gretzky? HAHAHAHAHA
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:09pm.
I also defend Posh because against my better judgment, I find her quite charming in interviews (sorry, HockeyFan).
**** Hey, to each their own, babe. :)
I think she looks really hot!
Hockeyfan, you had me howling with laughter. Yeah, I had a run in with him too years ago. The alcohol fumes made my mascara run.
Paul Coffey was a gent. Met him once too. My husband almost fainted - the puss!
Submitted by jackie on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 1:15pm.
Yeah, Jackie. Because I'm not a smiler myself, I don't slag on people who aren't big smilers either. I even defend Posh because I understand what she means. She never smiled during her Spice Girl days and I'm guessing like me, she probably went through a rough teeth phase as a kid and developed the habit.
Speaking only for myself, it's so ingrained now that it's actually hard for me to smile on command because it feels unnatural. I suspect it's the same for her. I also defend Posh because against my better judgment, I find her quite charming in interviews (sorry, HockeyFan). I can't say the same about the sullen moron better known as K.Stew.
***************
It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
German helmets?? You guys like to do it up right! lol
Dry humping Gretzky??? oh my god...no...there are just some things I won't do. I think I should tell you now that I met him and Paul Coffey once. Did. Not. Go. Well. The Great One was such a Great Big Dick, Paul Coffey ended up buying us drinks to apologize.
So if the choice is me dry humping the Grunt One or your Kings winning the Cup, I'll just start polishing the trophy for you now. I may be a slore, but even I won't stoop that low. LMAO. Besides, I'm afraid I might catch a disease from his slut daughter.
Submitted by ewe on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 2:58pm.
I love KStew and would tie her up in a second.
--
ewe, I am sensing a theme here... Are you a bit of a dominatrix? Hot! hahahah *just kidding!* ;)
OnT: KStew is a teenager-type to me! Awkward. I may change my mind next time I see her mug but like Theron, I'd probably feel sorry for her too!
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
She was obviously vaccinated. Where was Jenny McCarthy that day?
___________________________________________
One martini; Two at the most
3 I'm under the table; Four I'm under the host.
Hockyfan, no he doesnt wear it for sexy times! We're not that wierd. Ok we are! He likes to do things like that the last few times they made to to the playoffs he and my BIL wore German helmets painted in LA colors with their faces painted. Yep, I was so proud. *rolls eyes*
You win I flash the Devils bus (as if I wouldnt anyway - hahahaha!) I win...you take a pic dry humping that god awful statue of the Wayner out in front!
GG, I'll look for you!! wooo hooooo! Now we need a friendly bet.
But...Darth Vader mask? explain. And please tell me he doesn't wear it in the bedroom.
Hockyfan, I'll be the one standing next to the guy in the Darth Vader mask. Yep, that'll be my husband.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 1:16pm.
I hate the planet for making these fools happen.
^^^^^^^^^^
Don't we have Twihards to thank for this ugly bitch?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
ok, let me just say this. I am SOOOO sick of these whiny, pretentious bitches. Kurt Cobain-- oh, I hate fame, it makes my stomach hurt, I have to take heroin! Ever heard of a ZANTAC, you dumb fuck? Posh Spice...oh, I hate how I look when I smile! Must pout in every photo. Kristen fucking Stewart??? Oh, it's so shitty to be an actress!! I want to woooooork for my roles, not have them handed to me!!!
Okay then bitch, come and do MY job--or ANY poor slob's job. If fame and money and doing what you love are sooooo fucking shitty, LIVE MY LIFE FOR A DAY. Live the life of ANY person who has to struggle to put food on the table, pay their bills, and drive a 12 yr old Jeep whose transmission is going to fall out on the freeway.
THEN tell me how much YOUR FUCKING LIFE SUCKS.
I hate this cunt.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 1:16pm.
I hate the planet for making these fools happen.
^^^^^^^^^
Me too. Go Devils-- Stanley Cup beeeyotch!!! See ya in LA!
Haha. It's more like #3 & #4 (thanks RandéSleepover).
She just seems to be so ungrateful for what she has. And the arguement that she doesn't want the fame is BS. Why is she on every magazine under the sun when she has nothing to promote.
Earlier this week she flipped the bird to the press at Cannes during her photocall. She must have pissed them off enough because from this video of the Cosmopolis red carpet she was booed from the second she arrived. Maybe she's getting what she wished for.
http://youtu.be/CoDmB0i1ohU
This is one of the many reasons why people hate this frowny, mopey asshat: (from Elle magazine)
"Maybe because my life is so perfect, when I see the other side of life, it just seems like, almost like I want…" Stewart struggles for words. "You can learn so much from bad things. I feel boring. I feel like, Why is everything so easy for me? I can’t wait for something crazy to fucking happen to me. Just life. I want someone to fuck me over! Do you know what I mean?"
No, douchenozzle, I don't know what you mean.
Submitted by Luna Tick on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 12:19pm.
That's Tom Sturridge. Pattinson's BFF.
------------------
Oh. I feel ill now. He's the one who had the baby with that other cunt Sienna Miller.
I don't have any opinion on her except that Adventureland was a good movie, but I have some sympathy for the no-smiling issue. Everytime someone takes a picture of me smiling, I end up looking like a deranged puppy-eating lunatic.
I love KStew and would tie her up in a second.
She doesn't annoy me as much as she seems to do other people, but then I grew up with a lot of KStews. i.e. kids who have been raised in some sort of bubble and know nothing of life outside their own backyard. I see her more as immature and inexperienced. She'll grow out of it in a few years.
Submitted by LaChaylo on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 1:36pm.
She needs to be chola- jumped so she can properly earn her name as La Caca Face.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I think I LOVE you!!!
She deserves her success. I prefer Kristen's sober expression than the locked-lips-smile Carey-Mulligan-style.
She's a dreadful alleged "actress".
The casting director could have saved a couple of sheckles and hired a community theater reject.
I noticed the trailers for SW&THM are featuring more Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron, because Bella CAN'T ACT.
I like her Cartier juste un clou bangle but that shit is so overpriced.
It's not just about her not smiling but her personality as well. After her last interview where she wished for someone to screw her over so her life would be more exciting, I just thought this girl is an idiot. I don't mind her not smiling because I also don't smile at everyone I just don't see the need, but once people get to know me they realize am a nice person. It's her attitude that I think bugs most people.
I can understand people that honestly have serious trouble coping with fame (River Phoenix comes to mind) but the whole "poor me, it's so hard to be famous" attitude that this girl and others like her exude is just completely insufferable. Hey sweetheart, there's ten thousand women your age with triple your talent and twice your looks that would trade their shit jobs in a second to be in your shoes.
would it kill this ungrateful bitch to crack a smile?
and that side boob looks like a frisbee.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
I hope this post won't be invaded by Twihards attacking "MK" for "hating on KStew". :P
Seriously, a lot of more tolerable celebs get a lot of hate here, so I don't see why she should be spared. It isn't as if she's a valuable artist producing good work. Even she has admitted that things come to her too easy, so why blame people for hating on her entitled ass?
---------------------
Trailer Trash.
Submitted by mike on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 1:36pm.
The Side Boob Hour?!?!?
___________________________
"How 'bout that side boob? Huh? That turn you on? Well, it shouldn't, because that's my side boob. Good night, everybody."
I thought she was decent in Adventureland, but she should have stayed in small indies or done theater. Except in theater, you have to be good for something like 7 performances a week, and this cunt could NEVER pull that off.
Her smug look is at Angelina Holie level, her pretentiousness surpasses Goopy. I wonder if she knows that it's only the Twihards that have given her fame and fortune.
I think the "relationship" with RPattz is a double-bearding situation.
I have to wonder if she might actually be depressed. That smile in thumbnail #4 looks so incredibly forced and uncomfortable.
Or, she may have the same problem I have; she just doesn't know what to do with her face in pictures. If I smile, I look ok but if I'm doing anything other smiling with teeth, I look really angry.
She probably is a cunt, but she doesn't bother me...and I think she's pretty.
*runs*
***********************************************
Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
The Side Boob Hour?!?!?
She needs to be chola- jumped so she can properly earn her name as La Caca Face.
@hockey fan...keanu reeves...lol.
-----------
"I felt very still & very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo."
I say #3 & #4 (thanks RandéSleepover).
Earlier this week she flipped off the press during her photocall for On the Road. How classy. Must have pissed them off enough because she was booed from the time she arrived last night on the red carpet.
http://youtu.be/CoDmB0i1ohU
It's number 3. Sorry kstans, if this bunches your panties, but move along now. Nothing to see here.
I hate the planet for making these fools happen.
@kiki
I can agree with that. I saw that interview with her and Chris rock. She said she likes to work for her roles and hates when they are handed to her just because. Chris rock was like wtf are you talking about, I've never had that problem lol. So I can see what you mean about her interviews.
I know next to nothing about this chick, but I can't stand her.
**********
No escapin' when I start
Once I'm in, I own your heart.
WithinReason.....
Thank you for the link!!! :)
Submitted by jackie on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 12:40pm.
I'm not a smiler either, Jackie, but I think why she gets so much flack is that she also comes across as an ungrateful little twat in interviews. I think that's the real rub - she's as advertised: she looks and acts like a miserable little bitch.
No one needs to be famous, if she just wants to act then she could leave movies and go into theater. She personifies the biting the hand that feeds you cliche. Not only is she not talented enough to pull off the complicated artist, but she's a woman. Hollywood puts up with that shit from men (Sean Penn, et al) but it's career suicide for a woman.
***************
It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
mikidais, I was about to describe how to do it but I made it more complicated LOL check this out instead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LUv4t12pCE
takes a bit of practice but it saves time!
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
Then I pray something horrible happens to her. Maybe then she'll be happy.
She was always very ehhh whatever to me until I read THIS story where she comes off horrible...WAAAAH my life has only been good, why can't bad things happen to me??
http://crushable.com/entertainment/kristen-stewart-wants-bad-things-to-h...
Lucifer_Sam-
Right on!!!!! (I can't cut and paste on my iPad, I am really challenged)
The beauty of this site is stating how we feel and not worrying about the backlash.
Get the fuck off the site if our comments are too harsh for your liking.
Perhaps she doesn't feel the need to play the fame game by smiling at every single event, but it's like she is doing it intentionally. Is it that miserable to be at a movie premier in fabulous clothes with people you like and surrounded by people who love you? It's like she is completely incapable of having a good time. It's my belief that the girl has a psychological defect, I mean if looking and feeling awkward all the time is a psychological defect.