Even A Bright Red Titty Escape Dress Can't Make Kristen Stewart Happy
The always effervescent Kristen Stewart has three facial expression modes for the world - "Sullen," "Sneering," and "Stoned." Last night at the Cannes premiere of boyfriend Robert Pattinson's Cosmopolis, it was the first two on the menu. You'd be sullen, too, if you borrowed Jessie J.'s stylist and the wacky queen chose a dress that made your titty buds look like they're fighting over who gets the B cup status tonight. And that nipple! It's almost there! Just let it be great, K. Stew!
After much deliberation, I've determined there could be three possible reasons for why Kristen Stewart is so stank-looking all the time:
1. She thinks she might have something on her teeth. You know people get OCD about something in particular? A former co-worker was always asking people to check "her grille" for stray food particles and her nostrils to make sure there were no "bats in the cave". Or, all the finger-sucking has fucked with her teeth and she's hiding them.
2. She thinks that all of this publicity is silly, and just wants people to let her practice her craft. Bella just wants to achieve true artistry! The problem is that she hasn't given a good performance since playing Jodie Foster's transgender daughter in Panic Room. The artistry ain't coming!
3. She's a cunt.
It could be #3. Seriously, if being rich and famous is such a burden, step aside. I'll take over. J. Harvey can play an ineffectual girl in the woods in love with sparklepires. I'll squeeze my moobs into that dress. Shit, I'll make Christina Hendricks feel deficient.
• 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!
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GG, I love your baseball story. I feel "special" a lot. Usually when I've been drinking. :D
Dog, I love you! Come back! *weeps*
Otay, its not much. My husband rounded up family and friends to go see a Dodger game (no where not cholos). And I'm not a baseball gal but I went to support my local team. Anyway they were out there tossing the ball around practicing and taking pictures with what ever bigwig was in town. Then after like half an hour I start to get annoyed...So I say really loud "When the hell is this damned game gonna start!" My husband says "GG, they been playing for 20 mintues!" People were looking at me like srouted antlers. I felt "special".
Why not now?
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I'll tell you my baseball story sometime then Doggie.
She really was in her elemnt in that Runaways movie...though she really wasnt as Jett as I hoped for. More of a goofy nervous version of Joan.
Thanks, GG. I like baseball.
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GG: re the lace panels...maybe But it would be even more bland without. And are those supposed to be cap sleeves and she rolled them up? How appropriately butch of her. She gives me a huge lesbo vibe.
I still like u Dog...
Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 5:53pm.
Submitted by Dog on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 5:30pm.
Originally Massachusetts but we live in CT now.
^^ Were you a Bruins fan?
^^^^^^^^^^^
*whispering*
I'd rather haz root canal than watch hockey.
*slips quietly out thread door*
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Someone get crazyinjapan some tea. Honey, you need to lie down.
Submitted by Dog on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 5:30pm.
Originally Massachusetts but we live in CT now.
^^ Were you a Bruins fan?
*motions to crazyinjapan* Come here dear. You need to lay down. Here let me put your feet up.
Stone me to death if you must, but I think KStew is really pretty.
I think the low rent lace panels cheapens the dress.
Beb, this happens a lot. Just part of summer! WOOT!
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Submitted by Dog on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 5:30pm.
Forgot that you were in CT. I saw those storms pop up on radar - was hoping they were trending north, towards eastern MA. But no.
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
GG, I can't hate too much on the Rangers. Their goalie is amazing, and pretty freakin' hot.
Back to the bland whitefish in the post...the dress really is gorgeous, but not on that girl.
She's beautiful, but a dress like this demands a woman with confidence and sex appeal and this girl has none.
The RANGERS!!! Now that's a deal breaker right there!
Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 5:29pm.
Submitted by Dog on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:49pm.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:44pm.
Ah. You're Canadian, I take it?
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I wish. Just a wannabe. Grew up in Oregon, got into hockey, spent a lot of time in BC. Now I live in the heartland with a Blackhawks fan. She was also rooting for the Rangers...my life during the Cup is going to be very lonely. What say you, Dog? Where are you from?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Originally Massachusetts but we live in CT now.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Hockeyfan, they look pickled but not preserved!
Submitted by Dog on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:49pm.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:44pm.
Ah. You're Canadian, I take it?
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I wish. Just a wannabe. Grew up in Oregon, got into hockey, spent a lot of time in BC. Now I live in the heartland with a Blackhawks fan. She was also rooting for the Rangers...my life during the Cup is going to be very lonely. What say you, Dog? Where are you from?
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:49pm.
No the Kings (no matter how desperate) would have hired him. The front office and us in the cheap seats knew about the alke hol ism.
^^^
GG, you make me laugh. But you can really see it in the pics of the both of them...alcohol is a bitch.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:47pm.
Wayne is morphing into Bruce Jenner!
^^^
I thought the very same thing!
Watching the scene in Twatlight: Breaking Hymens (as MK so eloquently refers to it)in which K-Stew tried on lingerie to entice Sparkles into fucking (and bruising) her was one of the most awkward, awful moments in my film viewing history. It really wasn't the whole "I want a boyfriend who is possessive and abusive" thing that bothered me. It was this bitch's heinous lack of any acting skills or feminity as she attempted to pose in her underwear.
Having gotten that off my chest, I can admit I want this red dress she's wearing. Her stylist somehow made an average-looking slouch-lez look sultry and gorgeous.
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What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
Maybe shes frowning cos she's really a Rangers fan!
I think they should smile! Igratiate themselves. If they want my $12 they better fucken smile!
Speaking of hockey, LOL at that Borat impersonator who keeps crashing the Tour de Italy, what a freak! How he kept that green speedo unikini on is unreal! hahaha
Ok, onT: yeah, pretty soon KStew will need to learn to smile. There's only so much "sullen artiste" we can take!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I like how she doesn't smile all the time. Why are actresses expected to smile all the time? They're adults (unless they're a creepy child actor). And if I had a job as stupid as acting, I'd be pretty miserable too.
No the Kings (no matter how desperate) would have hired him. The front office and us in the cheap seats knew about the alke hol ism.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:44pm.
Ah. You're Canadian, I take it?
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Ewwwww Janets mouth looks like a dry vagina!
Wayne is morphing into Bruce Jenner!
Reminds me of a red version of the J-Lo dress. Only small breasted girls can get by with that low of a cut (and titty glue to keep from having a nip-slip).
ubmitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:42pm.
Hockey fan, I remember people saying he'd never be a good coach for the Coyotes and everyone celebrating when he resigned...
GG, if I find it the pic, I'll pass it on. It made me go, wtf HUH?
*****
I'm afraid to look for that pic, so please post if you find it.
And yes, he was a crappy coach. Notice how the Kings never hired him? Phoenix only did it for the publicity, I'm thinking.
Submitted by Dog on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:39pm.
How did you guys go from K-Stew to hockey???
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Dog, try to keep up. We can make ANYTHING about hockey. LOL
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:37pm.
Ok, my Devil's sucio thought is me, a tub full of grape jello and Kevin Stevens and Marty B!
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oooh! I'll one up you...SCOTT Stevens, Marty and a tub of pudding. Any flavor. Doesn't matter.
(Altho if I'm feeling my MILF oats, that little Adam Henrique is one hot piece...)
Hockey fan, I remember people saying he'd never be a good coach for the Coyotes and everyone celebrating when he resigned...
GG, if I find it the pic, I'll pass it on. It made me go, wtf HUH?
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/gXkHveZkjQi/Wayne+Gretzky+Janet+Jones+Ope...
Ewww, looks like Wayner and Janet have the same plastic surgeon....
Hello, its Kstew!
How did you guys go from K-Stew to hockey???
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Ok, my Devil's sucio thought is me, a tub full of grape jello and Kevin Stevens and Marty B!
Even I will admit he was a good player. He couldn't play defense worth a shit, never back checked and was a complete pussy when it came to fighting...but yeah, he was good.
The only saving grace is, with the gambling and him being a douchelord, the NHL really doesn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. *smiles*
WithinReason, I cant say I havent seen that picture. I really wouldnt be surprised since her acting career didnt go anyplace. All I will say is that Wayner was excellent while he was in Edmonton...*zips mouth & tries to be nice*
Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:20pm.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:15pm.
Baby, don't be like that. Let's focus on what brings us together: hockey, rooting for the Devils since the Bruins didn't make it and a healthy supply of Gretzy Haterade.
^^^^^^^
Aw, well, since you asked so nice, Kiki...of course. Go Devils! And I would love a threesome with Zach Parise and Marty Brodeur...oh wait, was that last part out loud?
Ha GG! Did I imagine it, or did Gretzky's wife do a picture with her son at her boob recently? I can't remember where I saw that. Maybe she was mocking that other lady who breastfed her older kid but it looked bizarre! Yeah, for his greatness as a player, I can't fault Mr. 99. ;p
OnT: sideboob, is trying to escaaaaaaape! Let it freeee KStew!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 4:15pm.
Baby, don't be like that. Let's focus on what brings us together: hockey, rooting for the Devils since the Bruins didn't make it and a healthy supply of Gretzy Haterade.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
WR, the one and only.