Open Post: Hosted By A Skydiving Nightmare
It's a good thing that I was planning on having an almost all-liquid booze diet this weekend, because I just ground up all of my teeth while watching this Almost Faces of Death shit! 80-year-old Laverne decided to cross "tandem skydive" off her bucket list and went to the Parachute Center in Northern California to do so. In this souvenir video, the daredevil memaw has her best free fallen' wig on and looks excited about falling to the earth. But when they're up in the plane and about to jump, Laverne decides she doesn't want to fly like a bird and tries to hit the stop button on that shit. The tandem master pushes her anyway and as they fall, her harness comes loose and she hangs up in the air like something out of a retirement home's terrifying version of Cirque du Soleil. It's times like this that I wish I wore a butt plug, because my stomach fell out of my ass again.
After the heart attack-inducing experience, Laverne and her tandem master made it on the ground safely and I wouldn't be surprised if the first words off of her tongue were, "Fuck all of this." ABC News asked the Parachute Center about the video and they said it's a year old, but didn't have anymore details.
Yes, that video is a horrifying horror show, but as I watched it I became more and more impressed with Laverne's wig-wearing game. I don't think her wig shifted once mid-flight. Beyonce needs ole' girl on her team!
via The Chive
• 
I love love LOVE roller coasters. The wooden one at Dollywood is what finally made me have back surgery. No more wooden ones for me. Steel only now. Too bad Houston doesn't have a Six Flags anymore. :-(
I did ride that opposite free fall ride on the top of the Stratosphere in Vegas. That was a hoot!
Took a bunch of scrap metal to the recycling place. Hundred dollar make me holler! Gonna have a nice 4 day weekend here. Next weekend we have to do extra job (for $$$). Boooooo.
I've never seen Eurovision. What channel is it on? The Mr. is doing a fishing weekend with his "boyfriends/soulmates/life partners" (seriously, it's creepy how much they all love each other).
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 5:10pm.
4) Female related issues. I do not CARE about your clotted blood, your itchy crotch, your dried up cooch or bladder troubles from fuckingh all night! KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!
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Who the HELL do you hang out with?!
*puts jam on toast DOWN*
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:55pm.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:51pm.
Dog, me no likey being groped...never have. Especially in front of the kids.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Guess you never heard the story of how my sister's old BF's dad used to whip his dick out in front of everyone and bonk his mom over the head with it.
OH LOOK! FOREPLAY!
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxcxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
That reminds me, I forgot to tell you guys about last night. I went to st Louis cards game last night and there was a streaker. A male streaker. It was so freaking funny. I don't know how he got past security, but he made it on the field and the fans were going crazy.
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:18pm.
Hi EEEEEEEEVIL! Just came back from a shopping spree. How you doing this holiday weekend?
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Ooooooooo, shopping spreeeeeee! I DESPERATELY need one of those! Hope you got some goodies!
I am good. Decided to not go to the lake with friends and just stay home. I need to clean, do laundry and pay bills, plus I don't want to leave my doggies in the care of a buffoon, so here I is!
For big thrills, I am going to treat myself to a matinee of The Avengers (for some Jeremy Renner comic book hero porn). Big times for me.
What's your plans, if I can be a nosey nellie?
@Blue Orchid- Yeah, I just have ZERO patience for conversations that include 1) excessive bitching 2) people I do not know or care about 3) relationship difficulties THAT ARE OF THE PERSON'S OWN MAKING!!!!! 4) Female related issues. I do not CARE about your clotted blood, your itchy crotch, your dried up cooch or bladder troubles from fuckingh all night! KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!
Didn't the world already have enough old lady doughy skin?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:52pm.
What is Eurovision?
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The Eurovision Song Contest is the single greatest display of camp, nationalism and blatant political maneuvering this side of North Korea.
http://www.eurovision.tv/page/baku-2012
It's an annual song contest, with each country putting forward a contestant and then voting.
I can take or leave the songs themselves (I can only take so much "so bad it's good") but the voting is a masterclass in international politics. You basically sit and watch as Europe plays out all its rivalries and friendships on television.
It's this Saturday night and, as you may have figured out by now:
I.
Cannot.
Wait.
*squeals happily*
Awwwwe! jack! I knew you were lookin' good!
and I am laughing at the "IT'S DAYLIGHT!" ahahahahaaaaa! Dammit.
*pesters thread for sex*
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Submitted by guest on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 5:00pm.
I'm not in to the quickies. Whenever I see my gf for lunch (maybe once a week) she always wants the quickie.... jacks eatin lunch, back off. LOL
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Fuck that....crossing skydiving off my bucket list! Never going to do it!
Scariest thing I've ever done (and didn't realize how scary it was at the time) was go whitewater rafting down the Chattooga. That's where Deliverance was filmed. I got tossed from the raft right before Decapitation Rock (didn't know that at the time) and somehow managed to get stuck 1/2 under the raft with the rock and then a big drop off coming up. Everyone was freaking out & I didn't know why. One of the other guides managed to get me in the raft, but I landed in the lap of my friend who was guiding the raft. When we got to the bottom I was like, " that was awesome!" and they all said, "you're an idiot! We didn't have a line out! You could've died!"
Never again.
Submitted by DownUnderGirl on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:58pm.
HOLY CRAP!! That shit has been on since 1956!! wow
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
He just wants a quickie right now. GG is not happeh. :(
That's only ok once in awhile.
Submitted by M.E. :
I got some iccce creme and you don't have none, you on the welfare.....
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*"Accidentally" nudges your arm so ice cream flops onto hot concrete* :P
Well its where Celine Dione got a huge break.
Its a European song contest. 1 to 600 mil watch each year.
You just have to watch to understand. Seriously no words can describe.
Can be cringe worthy or piss your self laughing funny.
You be the judge.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eurovision
NVM
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:54pm.
:/
Yeah your right guest...be back in a bit.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Sounds like old Mr. GG is a "One-Minute Myron". Wow.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:51pm.
Dog, me no likey being groped...never have. Especially in front of the kids.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Guess you never heard the story of how my sister's old BF's dad used to whip his dick out in front of everyone and bonk his mom over the head with it.
OH LOOK! FOREPLAY!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
:/
Yeah your right guest...be back in a bit.
It'll only take a minute GG!
Submitted by DownUnderGirl on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:50pm.
What is Eurovision?
ETA: Never mind, I googled it... not. watching.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Dog, me no likey being groped...never have. Especially in front of the kids.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:45pm.
Gardening Girl- sit him down for an hour of Eurovision- me thinks no more pestering.
Ok no more Eurovision references. My friend made me watch by tricking me with the sweet nectar i swear.
Seriously, he groped me! Thank god my son was playing his video game!
urmomma are you really on there?
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:45pm.
Ugh - husband is pestering me for sex!
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BUT IT'S STILL DAYLIGHT!!!! haahahahaa
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
urmomma - http://i1064.photobucket.com/albums/u370/jack-n-the-hat/564177_313142680...
http://i1064.photobucket.com/albums/u370/jack-n-the-hat/156563_969291969...
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
GG, so your BH is pestering you to have sex but you're here bitching about sex? FOR WHY?????????????
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Right now GG? lol
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:45pm.
Ugh - husband is pestering me for sex!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Nice.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Irish Fury, you should check out the travel show Departures, if you're able and have Nat Geo, but there's episodes on the youtubes. Not just because it's my faaaaavourite show, but they do two episodes in New Zealand. This is one segment where they go skydiving in NZ, but until 1:42, it's just them goofing around.
http://youtu.be/Dj2DDfi0hLU
Hey everyone! I wanted to get on earlier and mention that John Slattery (Roger Sterling from Mad Men) was on the view earlier. Hopefully the clucking hens didn't ruin any lady boners. I was watching the show for about 5 mins and I wanted to kick Elizabeth Hasselback right in the vagina. It wasn't even over politics. She just says stupid shit!
@ guest urmomma does fartbook.
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Submitted by guest on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:39pm.
Why aren't you going? :( What about the gf?
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SHE'S THE REASON I'M NOT GOING!!! Grrrrr.
The deal is, we hardly ever get to see each other during the week because of her kids. Wellll, she doesn't have her kids this weekend and Lil G is hanging out with her friends one last weekend before she comes to my house for the summer. The problem is, she's working both jobs this weekend (aesthetician(sp?) during the day and liquor store at night) and won't get off work until midnight. BUT, I will get to see her after midnight and before she goes to work the next morning. Yay.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:36pm.
Jack - don't forget there is always Eurovision. You have plenty to watch all weekend LOL.
You may feel the strong need to apply a hot poker to all major senses but hey that social network song is just worth it, truely
Ugh - husband is pestering me for sex!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 3:24pm.
I also HATED when she would talk about people I HAD NO IDEA WHO THEY WERE, and act like I should know who they were!
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AAAAHH!!! That drives me INSANE! I have a couple of friends who constantly do that, even though I always roll my eyes and say I have no idea who these people are, therefore I don't give a shit about their stories/drama.
*mutilates litter of kittens*
I FUCKING HATE PAYING BILLS!
Shit has to fucking turn around soon or else I'm going to wind up in the looney fucking bin.
Since December BH has been losing one paycheck a month so we have been FUCKED every single GD month.
*sigh*
As to why I volunteered to work this Sunday for an event. CASHOLA.
Please tell me she sued!
Why aren't you going? :( What about the gf?
We're just going to eat & have some 'ronas.
Submitted by guest on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:31pm.
C'mon 4:30!!! *plays jeopardy music*
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Yes! Come on 5!! All my friends are off work and headed to the lake this weekend... this is the first year I haven't gone to the lake for Memorial Day weekend and I am BUMMED!!!
My best friends daughter graduates tonight, that's the only plans I have all weekend... BOOOOOOO
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Hub on the way home....
C'mon 4:30!!! *plays jeopardy music*
Submitted by IrishFury on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:08pm
Yeah NZ is the go for everything extreme. Has a couple walks that i would rate top 10 in the world too.
Long way to come from the states but perfect family holiday location.
Will anyone trade my 10 degrees here for a little warmth there? *imagines self crisping in sun*
Submitted by Bigbendy on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:04pm.
Ain't that the truth? When I was a little kid my dad's skydiving friends were always around and partying. Crazy bastards!
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
Hi EEEEEEEEVIL! Just came back from a shopping spree. How you doing this holiday weekend?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 4:12pm.
Hiya Dog!
*waves*
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck that settles it. I'm staying on the ground.
Those windy things on the ground look the veins in Angelina Jolie's forehead.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
DownUnderGirl
Yes, we were in Cairns but we actually stayed in a nice small town called Trinity Beach, right on the beach. We travelled up in those cable cars to Kuranda!
We would love to go to NZ but wanted to enjoy as much Oz as we could. NZ is on The List, they have amazing Bungees there !
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Dark-sided!
Jack...Photobucket OR urmomma could do fb. :)