Open Post: Hosted By A Skydiving Nightmare

May 25, 2012 / Posted by:

It’s a good thing that I was planning on having an almost all-liquid booze diet this weekend, because I just ground up all of my teeth while watching this Almost Faces of Death shit! 80-year-old Laverne decided to cross “tandem skydive” off her bucket list and went to the Parachute Center in Northern California to do so. In this souvenir video, the daredevil memaw has her best free fallen’ wig on and looks excited about falling to the earth. But when they’re up in the plane and about to jump, Laverne decides she doesn’t want to fly like a bird and tries to hit the stop button on that shit. The tandem master pushes her anyway and as they fall, her harness comes loose and she hangs up in the air like something out of a retirement home’s terrifying version of Cirque du Soleil. It’s times like this that I wish I wore a butt plug, because my stomach fell out of my ass again.

After the heart attack-inducing experience, Laverne and her tandem master made it on the ground safely and I wouldn’t be surprised if the first words off of her tongue were, “Fuck all of this.ABC News asked the Parachute Center about the video and they said it’s a year old, but didn’t have anymore details.

Yes, that video is a horrifying horror show, but as I watched it I became more and more impressed with Laverne’s wig-wearing game. I don’t think her wig shifted once mid-flight. Beyonce needs ole’ girl on her team!

via The Chive 

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