It wouldn’t be Memorial Day weekend without dumb bitches getting into their stars n’ stripes drankin’ thongs, guzzling down a 12-pack of Natty Light, and driving their slutmobiles into telephones poles. God bless America, hunty.
Porn czarina Jenna Jameson got pinched for DUI last night. TMZ sez her drunk and whorey car made out with a cold and withholding telephone pole around 1:30 AM. Jenna must have failed to say her ABCs backwards so she was handcuffed on suspicion of DUI. Much like Jenna’s, her car’s vagine is always hungry for something long, tall and stiff.
It’s a “misdemeanor suspicion of DUI” so she’s probably already been released into the wild.
In her defense, I’m guessing the ABCs aren’t in her repertoire anyways. She probably wasn’t even drunk! Her eyes are sinking into the middle of her face so it’s not like she can see the road at night times! Do we really think Jenna can’t handle her hooch?
Seriously, though, call a fucking cab. Or get on the bus. We’ve all experienced the joys of public transportation whilst inebriated. You make so many new friends. They’re fine with you making a vom puddle. They can just step over it and wish you well.
It’s awesome times to be back with you sexy fucks. Whenever Michael K.’s slut ass asks me, I feel a burst in my heart. It’s probably the deep-fried Yodels.