The Japanese Are Taking “Eat A Dick, Bitch” Way Too Seriously

May 25, 2012 / Posted by:

You might want to hit pause on that Memorial Day Weekend hot dog before reading this. You’ve been warned.

France 24 posted this story about a Japanese artist who….brace yourself, Bridget…removed, cooked, and served his genitals to five people in Tokyo. Lest you think this was some sort of super-freaky serial killer incident, think again. These people were willingly dining on his hog. This brings every eating dick-related insult to the forefront and makes them flee in terror. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Mao Sugiyama had his junk redacted by surgeons and kept everything on ice for two months. He then organized a May 13th dinner at an events hall. The five extreme foodies, who paid the equivalent of $250 American dollars to feast on a portion of Sugiyama’s set, were served a “seasoned and braised” dick entree garnished with potatoes and vegetables. I’m alternately cradling my package protectively and looking for something wholesome to watch on YouTube after finishing this shit.

I know the main ghastly here is the fact that a guy removed his dick and let five people eat it. But I’m a little shocked at how cheap that was. If you are looking to eat a dick, you are probably really looking to do it. That isn’t just a whim you have one day. He probably could have charged those cannibal freaks $500 a bitch for the privilege of his tubesteak.

Sugiyama considers himself asexual (sure is now), and says that he did this to raise the public awareness of “sexual minorities, x-gender, asexual people.” He’s gonna write a book. The police say that Sugiyama didn’t break any laws and no charges will be filed.

Some dumb motherfucker asked Sugiyama if he would be holding any more cock-eating events (sit down, John Travolta, they were being literal). Crazy Mao declined. Oh good, I don’t have to fly to Japan to taser his insane ass now.

“I receive questions from some women and men… asking ‘Will there be a next time? Please host it again.’ But there is only one set of male organ,” he tweeted on May 16.

“Unfortunately, I have no plan for the next time.”

I’m never eating hot dogs, knockworst, bratwurst, or fingerling potatoes ever again.

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