Hot Slut Of The Day!
When I was 5 or 6, my mom bought my sister and me these stupid blinking flashlights from the Ice Capades, and since it was the 80s we were mesmerized at how the lights blinked off and on by themselves. We played with those dumb things all night like a couple of ravers. We weren't even rolling on ecstasy! Sad, I know. The annoying sounds of brats giggling like crackheads during the night quickly tugged at my mom's nerves and so she confiscated those flashlights and put them at the top of this bookcase/desk unit thing in our bedroom. She didn't realize then that most children are crazy, dumb as all hell and fuck deficient. The next day, my sister and I pulled the desk drawers open and started to climb up Mt. Bookcase. If Cliffhanger came out in the 80s, that's the movie we would've played. (Remember when you "played" movies.) I would've been Janine Turner, of course, and she would've been that homely blond ho. About halfway up, the bookcase started to wobble forward and that's when we guessed the only light show we'd see that day is the one that would lead us to the afterworld after we fell to our deaths. The bookcase fell on top of us and we both hit the floor. It actually wasn't that much of a fall. It was maybe 4 feet, but we were kids. We were dramatic. The bookshelf trapped both of us, but I managed to squeeze out, grab my flashlight and go to my abuelita's room to play with it. My sister was still trapped under the bookcase, but I'm assuming she eventually got out, because I just saw her last week.
What I'm getting at is that if we had a smart Klee Kai puppy like Caos, that shit would've never happened to us. Because Caos would've taught us how to properly climb drawers to get what you want.
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Winterowl...whoa. My Barbies are totally jealous of your Barbies and their finery. :)
In retrospect, I'm amazed my mother let us watch soaps, if even for allowing us to be exposed to such horrible acting at such an impressionable age!
My Barbie was Robin Wright's character, btw.
Pfk, that's amazing!
Anonymouse73' OMG I remember playing Soap Operas with my Barbies too. I had these scarves and I would fold them in a way that they were supposed to be sofa sectionals (we had a sectional in my house) my Barbies were fancy!
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The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl, is ready to PARTAY!
ALL these stories are funny to me. Thanks for sharing, guys.
We used to play tv shows...more specifically, soap operas...with our Barbies. Our favorite was Santa Barbara. Sessy times consisted of the Barbies lying on top of each other naked. We weren't sure about the rest of the mechanics...
But I had two sisters and we had LOTS of Barbies, so we basically had the entire cast mapped out down to Rosa, the maid.
My under-two-year-old son (at the time - he's my eldest child) pulled out the drawers in succession to look like stairs, so he could climb atop the counter; then onto the fridge. I walked into the kitchen and there he sat, on the fridge, kicking his little feet against the freezer and eating the Oreos I kept in the cabinet above the fridge to keep him out of them.
He smiles at me and says "I climb. I eat cookies!"
Lol TexnDoc, cattymama, "You're dead JTROS", and especially urmomma.
WinterOwl22 - One time I was watching TV with my then-boyfriend (who wasn't familiar with cats and thought he didn't like them) when my kitty nonchalantly jumped from the bottom shelf where my TV was sitting to the top shelf (about 4 feet). The only way Jesse could do this was by peeking out from the shelf he was on and twisting his body after clearing the shelf directly above him, and he landed on the top shelf without having to pull himself up with his front paws. All of a sudden he was just there. Boyfriend was impressed! Of course, about 2 minutes later he fell off the back of the couch (and then pretended that's exactly what he meant to do, lol).
Michael - my favorite thing about you is your obvious love for animals. I'll never forget the first time I became aware of this - it was a post about a new pet dog that wouldn't let a Jonas brother and his wife get any sleep (or something along those lines) where you talked about having to take your baby out to pee in the rain with raincoats, umbrellas - the works. My second favorite thing about you is your obvious love for your mom, who sounds awesome and is probably the reason why your humor is so great and good-hearted. Now I read that you left your sister under a piece of furniture and I don't know what to think.
Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 1:29pm.
The Barbies in our family always dumped Ken and ran off with GI Joe.
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I missed having a brother close in age, bc I always wanted my Barbies to run off with GI Joe. he was a REAL man...albeit sans genitalia...and face it, Ken truly was the first ghey doll.
Video was cute. Story was priceless.
MK, please never stop writing. I can't even read them out loud to my GF without laughing so hard, she has to take the computer away from me so she can read it.
And yes, I even peed myself once. Hey, I'm 50-- don't judge.
HAHAHAHAHAHA MK, every sentence of this post was gold. Every single one. And I'm glad both you and your sister are alive!
A similar thing happened to me when I was a kid: my family lived in this broke-down apartment where the kitchen cabinets and counter were all part of one giant meta-shelving unit that was basically leaning against the wall with no support. One day, I go into said kitchen to fix myself a snack, which required soy sauce. Soy sauce is on the top-most shelf. So I climb. Keep in mind that there's nothing bolting this giant shelf-thing to the wall, so of course, the whole thing starts to tip over, and all the sauces and oils and spices in the cabinets find their way onto my head. The shelf itself fell against the opposite wall and put a big-ass hole into it. And then I remembering going to the dentist. Anyway, let it be known that I was NOT a smart kid.
There are people at my office who aren't this smart.
Nice try but if it were a cat, it would have been up on the counter within the first 2 seconds! Cute puppy though! : D
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The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl, is ready to PARTAY!
Submitted by mahaatma on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 12:04pm.
To hell with the celebrity stories... MK's childhood stories are the funniest shit ever!
ITA - he needs to write a book about his life. It would be a bestseller for sure!
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No escapin' when I start
Once I'm in, I own your heart.
I am so glad I don't have a dog. They smell, even after you give them a bath, they slobber on everything, and then they pull shit like this. I would be so pissed if a dog had been in my kitchen drawers.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
I like how the other dog is looking at him all impressed once he's up on the counter. like "how'd you do that?"
** http://feministguidetohollywood.blogspot.com **
Submitted by JTROS on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 11:24am
"My brother had GI Joes and would let me play sometimes. I would always be Scarlett & I would be "killed" within 4 seconds of any game starting. "You're dead JTROS - go sit over there." Asshole. "
lmao
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Submitted by LisaRose on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 12:26pm.
maybe because they cleaned everything from that part of the counter so they could film the dog jumping it?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
A truly smart dog would just jump up on the counter. Or howl, grovel, or beg till the owner fed it.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
I miss the show, It's Me or the Dog," when the dominatrix/dog trainer would show the pet owners footage of their dogs' misbehaviors. Inevitably, the lenient parent would be completely shocked to see their doggehs pissing on the floors, breaking into cabinents to steal food, etc.,. Animals have their own special brand of shenanigans and I luvs them.
The Barbies in our family always dumped Ken and ran off with GI Joe.
Submitted by JTROS on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 11:24am.
My brother had GI Joes and would let me play sometimes. I would always be Scarlett & I would be "killed" within 4 seconds of any game starting. "You're dead JTROS - go sit over there." Asshole.
That's okay, though, I soon got into Barbies & those hussies had scandalous, exciting lives - due in part to sneaking into the living room to watch Dallas, Dynasty and Knots Landing when our parents thought we were asleep.
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This made me smile!
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
We played xmen..I was rogue, my cousin with his trench and a deck of cards in his sleeve was gambit,other cousin was storm in name(she didn't play she was just older and got first pick at the girls) and a wagon played professor x..fun times in between marbles and pogs..
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"that's the first time i had dick in my mouth, and that's the last time i'm going to choke on it.." Dani
What I want to know is... I go to places like Target and I usually leave with nothing cause I'm poor while everyone else has baskets full of stuff. If people are buying baskets full of stuff, why do their homes look like this one devoid of ANYTHING and mine is a mess??
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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To hell with the celebrity stories... MK's childhood stories are the funniest shit ever! My personal favorite is the one about dad humping the one legged stepmom when him and his sister walked in. This one is right up at the top too!
MORE CHILDHOOD STUFF PLEASE!!!
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Give me a clothesline or give me death. And not the She by Sheree kind.
In all my years of reading MK, this was the funniest story! I wish I was MK's sibling back then, sounds like a blast!
WOW are dogs AWESOME or what???
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
Submitted by pcspain on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 11:17am.
Happy birf-day!
If I didn't know for a fact that MK is not actually related to me, I would swear that he is my brother. Some of his childhood stories are eerily familiar to mine!
We had a pool at one point and my brother & I would play all sorts of crazy games that involved jumping over or onto inflated rafts, inner tubes, etc. Broke my damn nose one of the times (ahhh!!! the pool looks like Jaws!!!). My dear, sweet brother also played this game called "Jump on JTROS' shoulders in the deep end of the pool and try to drown her." That was super fun.
We also had a game where we beat each other with whiffle bats. Those things hurt!
My brother had GI Joes and would let me play sometimes. I would always be Scarlett & I would be "killed" within 4 seconds of any game starting. "You're dead JTROS - go sit over there." Asshole.
That's okay, though, I soon got into Barbies & those hussies had scandalous, exciting lives - due in part to sneaking into the living room to watch Dallas, Dynasty and Knots Landing when our parents thought we were asleep.
"...but I'm assuming she eventually got out, because I just saw her last week."
MK that made me choke on my grits and eggs this morning, my birthday morning. The laugh I had over this post will likely be the best thing I get for my birthday. Thanks!!
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"Bitch, put your twat away and develop some dignity." -Madam Pince
Isn't that Miley's dog?
Hahahahaaa! Love MK!...my brother and I were jumpin' on our bunkbeds and they came crashin' to the ground. We layed in the wreckage "snoring" like we had been asleep....my brother broke his arm in the crash. But, he was commited to the role of "innocence"and laid there pretending to be asleep. Yeah we got in trouble.
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
I liked Barbies and I had all these little babies so my Barbie was constantly pregnant. Then I killed off Ken in a wreck with the Country Camper. I buried him in the garden for a couple of weeks then resurrected him as a really mean step dad who was always beating Francie. And no, this wasn't my true life!
My husband and his cousins used to play Army and the oldest cousin would always make the younger ones march drills around the yard.
MK's sister! Lmao.
remember playing movies? hell yea i still do it.
anyone wanna play deep throat?
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
My favourite childhood game was with one of my brothers. I'd sit on an armchair, and he'd race towards me with a yell. I'd run out of the way and he'd do a sort of backflip and end up with his head on the seat and his feet dangling over the, er, head bit.
We could do that forEVAH. I honestly can't remember what we called it, and I have no idea what our parents thought was happening with the screaming and banging, and the armchair we eventually destroyed.
My brothers as a group also had a game of "threaten Lisbet's stuffed animals with torture", which I still use to guilt trip them.
Oh, childhood.
Oh, "playing movies"! Fun times, fun times.
I asked my hubby if he ever played movies. They were poor, he "played books". :-(
*grabs all the couch cushions and pillows from the house to make the most bestest super awesome fort*
DOGS RULE!
Genius pup and sidekick hehehe!
Yes, COURSE I remember playing movies AND climbing things that teetered precariously while we gleefully laughed our assess off!! LOLOLOLOL Many injuries suffered... good times!!!
MK, so in other words your were a tiny meanie rat scurrying off with the prize and leaving your sis under the rubble! Well played!!! ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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AHH childhood. I remember sitting on the end of my sister's bed and playing "Going to Canada"
are we there yet? no! shutup!
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Sir, you killed your date? What in the name of Phil Spector happened?
MK--your memories of your childhood crack me up! You crack me up! Love, love, love you!
"Remember when you "played" movies?!?"
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Better yet, THE FLOOR IS HOT LAVA! DO NOT TOUCH THE FLOOR!!!!
*jumps from couch to love seat to recliner*
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Remember when you "played" movies?!? Love you MK for bringing back memories....sigh
Yup, played Power Rangers with my younger cousins I would actually kick them and sock them. Good times!
I was.always the pink ranger:-) Hiiiiigh yaaah round house kick to the face bwuahaha!!
Submitted by tojo on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 9:40am.
Damn it ESE I knew it it was you!! ;) :*
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really and truely... i was just lonely, and wanted someone to talk to... if you fax over your schedule, i'll be able to keep better hours, as to not wake ya!... heeheehee!
OT: what thread is this?... oh, it's too early!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Reason #1,496 why I like animals more than most people.
And Texn, please tell me you were Lucy. :)
LOL @ "My sister was still trapped under the bookcase, but I'm assuming she eventually got out, because I just saw her last week."
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Damn it ESE I knew it it was you!! ;) :*
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...the end
My parents had this huge free standing wooden bar with bar stools we knocked over and ran to the other room and my parents didn't buy me and my brother's Lucy and Ethel "we have no idea what you're talking about!" act.
I would've been Janine Turner, of course, and she would've been that homely blond ho.
HAHAAHHA. Love young MK stories.
Cute Doggies.
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
Submitted by tojo on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 9:28am.
It's 6:30 am here and someone from florida just called me about getting health insurance! Wtf!?
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what?... i need coverage!... HA!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."