Whoever Pissed On Kim K.’s Dress Needs A Gatorade

Sometimes when you are out sailing on your own personal boatless booze cruise, you return home and piss urine so yellow that sunflowers and Big Bird want to know your secret. You are a dehydrated mess, and you need to drink a gallon of water stat so that the membranes that anchor your brain to your skull will stop threatening to snap.

This sort of person obviously helped Kim Kardashian with her styling last night because DRUNK PISS YELLOW. This was obviously on request, as we all know that Kimmy likes that yellow to mellow on her body. Her mom probably encouraged her to wear that to remind people that there’s still a sex tape out there available for purchase. She ain’t one to miss a potential marketing angle.

Other beauties and beasts at last night’s AMFAR gala at Cannes included Kylie Minogue (giving me the side-eye for suggesting she likes to be punch-fucked), Anja Rubik (she put her hipknife away, but she’s still all about highlighting her womancenter), Cara Delevingne (with some depressive caterpillar brows), Tara Reid (looking oddly washed), Lady Victoria Hervey (who proved she is indeed a lady by barely covering her fun bags), Paris Hilton (looking every inch of “over”), Sky Ferraira (if Pinhead had a sulky teenager daughter played by Ginnifer Goodwin), Rose McGowan (whose face has been so polished by injected chemicals that I just want to watch a fried egg effortlessly slide off of it), Gerard Butler (with pussy expectancy face), a hologram of Alec Baldwin (seriously, that’s some Picture of Dorian Gray shit), Vampyre Karl Lagerfeld, Jessie J. (whose ass AND right tit are trying to bust out of that dress in opposite directions), Miss Janet If You Suddenly Caught Vitilligo, and Joshua Jackson and that wedding cake he tricks with. I don’t care if the hair is silly and the facial expression is derp. I would be on Pacey like Kim K. on a sloshy bedpan.

Check out the rest of the pics below in the gallery.