The Paperboy: The Movie Where Nicole Kidman Pisses All Over Zac Efron's Face And Chest
If your internet connection is going in and out this morning, that's because Kim Kardashian is furiously refreshing The Paperboy page on Fandango until the BUY TICKETS button comes up, because that bladder wine-loving heffa wants to buy ALL the tickets! If Lee Daniels' upcoming movie The Butler (co-starring Matthew McConaughey as John Fucking Kennedy) is going to be a major shit show, then his new movie The Paperboy is the piss stream before the dump. The Paperboy made its debut at Cannes this week and so far many of the critics have declared it a campy piece of utter shit. That means I can confidently say that The Paperboy is going to be my favorite cinematic masterpiss of 2012!
The Paperboy is based on the novel by Peter Dexter and follows two brothers, the Texas T-Rex and Zac Efron, as they investigate (Princess Zac as an investigator? HA!) the case of a death row inmate played by John Cusack. This is the part that is already making me hand over my credit card number to buy a ticket. Nicole Kidman plays a trashy, sex crazed tramp who is obsessed with John Cusack's character and wants to marry him. With Nicole's help, Zac and Matthew try to figure out if John Cusack committed the murder he was convicted of. Vulture says that in the scene where Nicole first meets John Cusack face-to-face, she is so horny for him that she rips off her pantyhose before her pussy explodes into a hand-free orgasm. Please tell me that after Nicole's coochie seizure moment, Zac snaps his fingers and says, "Guuuurrrl, I'll have what she's having!"
As for that scene where Nicole R. Kellys Zac, I'll let Vulture give it to you:
Later in the movie, as Efron's romantic ardor for Kidman is at its peak, the two head to the beach, where he decides to cool down with a dip in the ocean. Naturally, he is attacked by CG jellyfish. (Only the sixteenth weirdest thing to happen in this movie.) Covered in sting marks, he barely manages to drag himself to shore, and when Kidman is alerted to the attack by some comely girls who surround Efron, she pushes them away, pops a squat, and out comes number-one. And yes, you get a close-up of the stream. This is a movie that often seems to be missing important transitional scenes or specific inserts, but you had better believe that when Nicole Kidman pees on Zac Efron, that camera is there.
Thank the Maybelline Gods for waterproof foundation, because if Zac's "maybe she's born with it" face got messed up in the making of that AFI-worthy moment, he would've had a hissy fit over that...pissy fit (sorry).
And I'm calling it right now. The Oscar goes to......Nicole Kidman's piss stream!
Here's Zac Efron still glowing from his golden shower facial at The Paperboy photocall with human marble pillar Nicole Kidman, Macy Gray, Matthew McConaughey and John Cusack.
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"Oh Macy, you so crazee".
Zac is hot: I'd do this "child" just for kicks.
whatevs...if Zaz is into watersports i guess ill be into as well, ill do anything to get into his pants.
That dress is horrendous. Her breasts look like they're trying to crawl around to her back.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I guess he'll be taking the skin boat to Cougartown.
Did not realize warm liquid Restalyne was the first-aid solution to jellyfish stings.
Submitted by oceanlover998 on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:03pm.
Submitted by saltydog88 on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 12:48pm.
NOTHING can match Oprah's race-horse piss stream from Beloved. Now that was one fucked up, pointless pissing scene
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...glad I'm one of the Billions who stayed away in droves from that failed Oprah vanity project...
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I don't remember the racehorse pee part, but i just want to say, i loved Beloved. I am definitely an Oprah fan, not a hater (not a *worshipper* though), but that was a good movie. the book is good too. and i still think oprah is a good actress.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Macy Grey's hair scares me. *LOL*
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
Nicole Kidman IS a brilliant actress (just watch Birth, To Die For, The Hours, The Others, Rabbit Hole etc).
I'm serioulsy pissed off that this film is apparently utter shite as I was really looking forward to it (and really liked the book).
At least it does have the coolest movie poster in many a year, so that's something I guess.
Still want to see it now just to see if it's terrible!
Sorry. I love Nicole Kidman. Love her for dumping Tom Cruise. Love her Australia-ness. Love her for marrying a musician instead of the next mega movie star. And LOVE her because obviously the girl knows survival skills. If you're stung by a jelly fish WHICH IS PAINFUL AS ALL HELL you can sit there and scream OR you can pee in yourself. The ammonia in your urine takes away the sting and you won't scar. If you're too much of a priss to do it, you're going to suffer.
NICOLE KIDMAN can come live on the island with me any day and build grass huts and hunt fish and piss on me when I need it. Girls got balls.
John Cusack plays a black guy? That's strange casting.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 12:34pm.
I love this photo. It looks like an old movie poster. Or book cover or something.
Nicole Kidman is a good actress. My favorite was "The Others" and "To Die For". Well, that's two, but I thought she was great in those movies. Which were just good movies anyway.
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Yeah, seconded. She really shines in certain roles; my favorite is Virginia Woolf, for which she richly deserved her Oscar, IMO. I think overall I would consider her a good actress, as well. Some of her roles make no sense...she was terribly miscast in Cold Mountain, and of course Bewitched...I think everyone would just like to forget that movie ever happened, lol.
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Submitted by saltydog88 on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 12:48pm.
NOTHING can match Oprah's race-horse piss stream from Beloved. Now that was one fucked up, pointless pissing scene
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...Ick....
...Nast...
...Ewwwwwwwwwwwww...
...glad I'm one of the Billions who stayed away in droves from that failed Oprah vanity project...
...regardless, that Zac sure is purdy...
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...'It's as if he's using the paint to represent something he's seen'...
Nic seems to be always seducing younger guys in her movies....
and I looove Macy so fuck y'all! ;p
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Ok, just catching up on the comments...but just how fresh is Hoff's taco?
"Friends" notwithstanding, pissing on a jellyfish sting doesn't help and may make it worse.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=fact-or-fiction-urinati...
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Please: It's "rahnday."
The Texas T-Rex?
AHHHHHHAAAAHHAAAHAHAHAHAH
Ow.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
He is pretty. urmomma likes.
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
This is a publicity hoax, right? Right?!?
Submitted by Get Serious on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:19pm.
Macy gray is the biggest weirdo in hollywood. Stupid little goo goo gaa gaa voice, dresses like a dumbass, stupid nappy headed hair. She needs to learn that you dress to impress in Hollywood, not dress to try to be ghetto-fabulous...
---Agreed. When was she last relevant again?
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YOU AIN'T GOT NO MONEY!!!! MOVE THE FUCK ON!
~But.Seriously.Folks
(In a W.C. Fields voice):
"Ahhh! It's the old "piss on me I've been stung by a jellyfish" routine!!"
*wink*wink*
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YOU AIN'T GOT NO MONEY!!!! MOVE THE FUCK ON!
~But.Seriously.Folks
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Ah, Mk you scamp. Whenever I see a pic of Zac my mind automatically says, "Pretty pretty princess."
Jellyfish, pissing on people, shit stained chonies. What a start to my Dlist day.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 12:35pm.
Within -- hey, babe, we be talking about nasty ass celebrities. It started with John Cusack, then turned to Cheryl Crow possibly having B.O., then her restricting people to one square of toilet paper, Johnny Depp stinking, Cusack leaving behind shit-stained undies, shit like that. LOL!
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See, this sort of shit (no pun intended) I do not get with celebrities. I'd make damn sure to keep my nose clean, not trash other people's property, and certainly NOT leave shit-stained panties behind, because motherfuckers out there will sell those stories to the Enquirer for a buck. I'd tip well, treat people well, not give birth to or adopt a child army, not use my philanthropic ways as photo ops/beatification/sainthood, that way you peeps would have no reason to snark on me LOL.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Since I'm posting "Little Britain" videos, totally off topic but this is worth it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEgHpvcg0o8&feature=related
Submitted by Raul Duke on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:34am.
3 outta the 4 Zac Efron action figures Perez keeps shoved up his buttsecks hole just shot out and are now in orbit somewhere over West Hollywood.
HOT DAMN! WE GOT LIFT OFF
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
NOTHING can match Oprah's race-horse piss stream from Beloved. Now that was one fucked up, pointless pissing scene
Submitted by Datura on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 12:34pm.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:09am.
That whole pissing scene brought to mind when Kate Winslet. Does anyone the scene in a movie where she piddled outside in a movie? I can't remember why she did it, but she was totally nude and just stood there and let it flow. I was young when I saw it and it kind of disturbed me. Now, I would laugh my ass off. What was the name of that movie and why was she did she do it?
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That movie was called "Holy Smoke!" I only remember that because my parents wanted to see it and took me along for God knows what reason. I think I was 14. Very awkward to say the least.
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I remember that movie!! it had Harvey Keitel and if I remember the entire movie was a head scratching mess. I think I was definitely doing a WTF just happened after that movie
Submitted by Datura on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 12:34pm.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:09am.
That whole pissing scene brought to mind when Kate Winslet. Does anyone the scene in a movie where she piddled outside in a movie? I can't remember why she did it, but she was totally nude and just stood there and let it flow. I was young when I saw it and it kind of disturbed me. Now, I would laugh my ass off. What was the name of that movie and why was she did she do it?
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That movie was called "Holy Smoke!" I only remember that because my parents wanted to see it and took me along for God knows what reason. I think I was 14. Very awkward to say the least.
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I remember that movie!! it had Harvey Keitel and if I remember the entire movie was a head scratching mess. I think I was definitely doing a WTF just happened after that movie
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:48am.
Macy Gray has a daughter in High School, and her name is HAPPY. Yes, it is HAPPY.
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Cheating ex's youngest daughter is named Macy. Tres precious. *blergh*
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
OLOLOL Twatty, so I came to the right place then!? Hahaha That's comforting! ;D
nasty!!!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
Ms. Kidman needs to take a lesson from the Pee Lady on "Little Britain" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uQSDCGV2EA
Datura, I just watched it recently, too! For probably the fourth time. Damn if it's not just as spooky. Not as suspenseful, but just as spooky and good.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 12:34pm.
I love this photo. It looks like an old movie poster. Or book cover or something.
Nicole Kidman is a good actress. My favorite was "The Others" and "To Die For". Well, that's two, but I thought she was great in those movies. Which were just good movies anyway.
The one that leaves me scratching my head is "Bewitched". I didn't see the whole thing, but what I saw made me insane with WTF.
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I saw The Others again over the weekend. She was really great it in (and so beautiful back then... not that she's so bad now though). Even knowing the twist already, it's a good movie.
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“he looks like some sort of sea serpent like an octopus, catfish or something from pirates of the caribbean and his stomach is gross it looks like hes prego with a giant wiener” – kittymuffin on The Situat
Within -- hey, babe, we be talking about nasty ass celebrities. It started with John Cusack, then turned to Cheryl Crow possibly having B.O., then her restricting people to one square of toilet paper, Johnny Depp stinking, Cusack leaving behind shit-stained undies, shit like that. LOL!
I love this photo. It looks like an old movie poster. Or book cover or something.
Nicole Kidman is a good actress. My favorite was "The Others" and "To Die For". Well, that's two, but I thought she was great in those movies. Which were just good movies anyway.
The one that leaves me scratching my head is "Bewitched". I didn't see the whole thing, but what I saw made me insane with WTF.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:09am.
That whole pissing scene brought to mind when Kate Winslet. Does anyone the scene in a movie where she piddled outside in a movie? I can't remember why she did it, but she was totally nude and just stood there and let it flow. I was young when I saw it and it kind of disturbed me. Now, I would laugh my ass off. What was the name of that movie and why was she did she do it?
--------------------------------------------
That movie was called "Holy Smoke!" I only remember that because my parents wanted to see it and took me along for God knows what reason. I think I was 14. Very awkward to say the least.
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“he looks like some sort of sea serpent like an octopus, catfish or something from pirates of the caribbean and his stomach is gross it looks like hes prego with a giant wiener” – kittymuffin on The Situat
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 12:15pm.
Remember the scene from "A Christmas Story" where the mom dresses Randy up in his snowsuit? That's what my mom used to do to me! So I hear where you're coming from.
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My all time favorite Christmas movie, I watch it every year:) Yes poor Randy, he was like a turtle laying on his back trying to get up!
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:46am.
Lisbet459 -- I'm all for trying to conserve resources, but I'm sorry, you have to use enough toilet paper to clean your ass properly. If you need 3 squares, fine. If you have a case of mud butt and need 12 squares fine, so be it. I could see her doing something like that. Yuck.
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Dear lord Twatty, what can this chat be about? LOL if you don't always make me wanna read back!!! hahaha Dare I!?!?
Hello Twatty!!!!! ;D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
Whamo -- glad to make you laugh, hon. Oh, god, that sounds like something my mom would have done to me. Remember the scene from "A Christmas Story" where the mom dresses Randy up in his snowsuit? That's what my mom used to do to me! So I hear where you're coming from.
PSL -- wow, I didn't even know that was you with the new avie. Seriously, I go by picture recognition nowadays and I just passed you up. Seriously, I like the old picture better, IMHO.
I smell a urine-scented Razzie...
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Please: It's "rahnday."
I can't write this one off completely. I really liked Lee Daniels's first movie, Shadowboxer, because it's messed up but fascinating at the same time. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I watched it two nights in a row. Plus, Cuba Gooding Jr.'s performance was amazing. He barely has any dialogue and still carries the movie.
As for McConaughey, Lee Daniels could get at least a decent performance out him. Look what he did for Mo'Nique and even Mariah Carey, though she had a small part in Precious.
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Silly rabbit.
Macy Gray looks like the heat miser!
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:37am.
Whamo -- I had one teacher, Mrs. Killian, doing the retro Nancy Sinatra look. She was short & squatty... ==================================================
That made me laugh, you painted a wonderful yet somehow typical day from the 70's
you reminded my of this, off topic BUT..my mom was a teacher at my grade school and at recess if it was wet or raining she made me go back inside the school and take off my runners and put on my FUCKING RUBBER BOOTS!! It was humiliating, all the other kids got to tear around in their North Stars and I was cloping around behind them..in my FUCKING RUBBER BOOTS. She did it on purpose too because she knew I hated them!
PSL lol I see you!
It is Paris looking at herself in a mirror, of course, and Nicky texting.....some things never change!!!
I am sure I will go back to the original, but this pic cracks me up.
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For the love of money
A woman will sell her precious body
For a small piece of paper it carries a lot of weight
Call it lean, mean, mean green
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:51am.
Does anyone else see a new avie for me? i actually changed mine......
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red background, Paris with her arms up, yep i see it... not too keen on the change, i must admit.
OT: am i still here?... uummm... o.k.... if they were trying to make Efron look James Dean... they fuckin' failed miserably!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Yes PSL...LOL.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:51am.
Does anyone else see a new avie for me? i actually changed mine......
yes I see it...same hos, different pose?
anyway their first mistake was casting the ice queen as a horny sexpot. she's a good 300 ccs of Botox past the hot sexpot portion of her career.
EWWWWW @ Johnny Depp. Fucking gross. Seriously...I am so ashamed that I ever thought he was hot.
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Does anyone else see a new avie for me? i actually changed mine......
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For the love of money
A woman will sell her precious body
For a small piece of paper it carries a lot of weight
Call it lean, mean, mean green