Lindsay Lohan's Finally Got Her Dick
After an international casting search (a couple of days of auditions in a casting trailer on a lot somewhere in Culver City) that stretched several continents (the casting agents ordered Chinese for lunch one day, so that counts, right?) and saw dozens of A-list actors (A as in anydudewhoagreestoworkwiththatmess), Lindsay Lohan's finally got her Dick. Deadline Hollywood says that Kiwi actor Grant Bowler has been cast as Richard Burton and will start filming Lifetime's soon-to-be-mess Liz & Dick in only 10 days. The press release about Grant's casting from executive producer Larry A. Thompson is a hilarious and ridiculous string of words and I swear I could practically taste the bad shit particles floating off of each letter, because he was definitely high on some shit when he dictated this to his administrative assistant:
“Grant will add gravitas to our couple and bring to life one of the greatest actors who has ever lived. Burton was a Welsh poet, a rascal, and a man’s man, who swept Elizabeth Taylor off her feet and flew her so close to the sun that they both exploded into stardust that still lights up Hollywood.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I hope the entire script is like that, because that is shit wrapped in gold double wrapped in shit again. "He flew her so close to the sun...." Is that how they're going to explain why the skin of LiLo's Liz looks like Panda Express orange chicken that was left under a heat lamp too long. Damn, this is going to be good.
Grant was in Ugly Betty (as Wilhelmina's piece), True Blood (as Cooter), GCB, Atlas Shrugged and he he hosts Australia's Amazing Race. And soon he'll be known as the grown man who is running nekkid ass nekkid down the 405 while pulling his hair out, because trying to work with that freckled mess put the crazies in him. Oh, and Grant better hold a spray bottle full of self tan remover at all times, because White Oprah is so going to try wrap her legs around his head and bitch is allergic to that shit.
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I don't watch Lifetime, but this is going to horrible. I moght tune in to see this hotness up here, though.
Lindsay MIGHT be able to pull off Ann Margaret or Angie Dickinson, but Liz Taylor? I can't think of anyone today that could do Liz justice.
One of my favorite movies is 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof'. God. Liz Taylor and Paul Newman were resplendent. And they're expecting Lindsay to portray an icon? Really? She's not even in the same caliber. The best 'acting' Lindsay did was 'Parent Trap' when she was a kid and 'Mean Girls'. She probably had potential at one time, but coked it all away.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
shes so gonna pull him....
Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 10:33pm.
What happens when you pair a ginger with a ginger.
They explode together into a shower of ginger stardust that lights up Hollywood.
sorry 4 the double post! weird...
someone in H-town is having the last laugh at Dick and Liz. I mean, Liz had to have some enemys to have them cast or even make this shit.They would never do this to Babs!
someone in H-town is having the last laugh at Dick and Liz. I mean, Liz had to have some enemys to have them cast or even make this shit.They would never do this to Babs!
GRANT BOWLER? More like GRAND BLOWER... After this movie, u bet...
What's a "man's man"?
I'ver heard of a "ladies man" that's a dude who charmes women. In that spirit "man's man" would be a dude who bangs dudes.
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Do you want a banana?
No i don't wanna
Richard Burton had steely blue penetratingly prankish eyes and the body of a Poet NOT a mechanic. And blohan playing Taylor is like a piece of toast playing a filet mignon. This casting is absurd.
This movie makes no sense.
I could see Lindsay re-doing "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" because Linds has the whole alcohol/drug abusing thing down to a science but pretending she can properly represent Liz Taylor only a couple of years after she's died and a couple weeks after Linds is out of rehab...
Smells like fail to me.
So, I'm guessing that Lifetime doesn't often have to write media releases like this, because we've been missing out on the cheesefest.
He is hot! I hope he doesn't taint his hotness by hooking up with the freckled terror in real life.
Lohan is such an addict she could not pull off a lifetime movie if she wanted to. She is a nutcase and incredibly demanding from what I've heard . She thinks that she is an a lister and wants to be set up in the most expensive hotels when she's working
..She once made a movie manager move her four times in a week until she was happy with her hotel .. We are talking the Hilton wasnt good enough for her crack ways think she ended up being satisfied with a room at the four seasons after scoffing at the other ones as not being " modern " enough for her . This is coming from someone who looks like .. Well we don't need to go there again do we ?
All this For low budget roles that she gets fired from anyway ...
She calls in to work for being sick after barely being able to work one full day .
Oh and she thinks her big fake tits are something special -- she actually thinks she is a sex symbol , haha . All this coming from people who had to work with her
I masturbated to Grant Bowler in Outrageous Fortunes.
ok i didn't.
But I'm just trying to make the point across that I WOULD LET HIM DO ME, until I lost any feeling in my private parts.
Here's the producer's site. Dude can't write. He styles himself the "King of the Biopics."
http://www.larrythompsonorg.com/
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Please: It's "rahnday."
"I loved him in Outrageous Fortune. I admit i know nothing about Taylor and Burton but i'll never be able to believe these two as a couple."
Haha, ditto toxic. He was fantastic in Outrageous Fortune, I loved that show. I reckon this Liz & Dick thing could end up being quite trashtastic.
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Pathetic skinbag! Angels named after Transformers will not save you!
That press release is "over the moon"!!!!
Submitted by BriguyUT on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:15pm.
Moobies never looked so hot... I'd love to taste every last inch!
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lol, yup, nice moobs. But is it just me, or does he have huge nips for a dude?
Submitted by Datura on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 12:27am.
I think we should have a Dlisted viewing party for this mess. Complete with live blogging.
Yes, but first some massive parimutuel betting on whether Linds makes it through production without walking out, a petty theft arrest, a DUI, a car crash and/or chase, being fired, etc.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Submitted by Datura on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 12:27am
You took the words outta my mouth, we must have MK live blogging this movie if this post is an indication, it will be hilarious!
I think we should have a Dlisted viewing party for this mess. Complete with live blogging.
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"You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!" -- Ronnie (Z-Man) Barzell, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Okay, so this eternal crackwhore is getting the opportunity to fake-boff this delicious piece of meat? God hates me
Holy Shit! I've been clean off the bad shit for seven years, but I think this fuckery just triggered me into a binge. I wanna be that delusional again! (Not really. It hardens my resolve, if anything!)
That dude is hot.
The only exploding that's going on here is lohans herpes sores when she tries to recreate Liz and dicks passion for each other by dry humping him on set .
Maybe his gravitas will help compensate for her flakiness. Nahhhhhhhhhhhh.
I'm gonna watch this so that, like everyone else, I can throw stuff at the screen.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Double post, but I will use this as an opportunity to wonder if he's straight and if Lindsay would try to bang it.
Yes, she would try. (who wouldn't?)
Hmmm. I believe I would let him do it to me.
I'm flying out to Hollywood on the next flight with a jar in hand to collect some of that stardust. Its perfect for the spot next to my lightning bug collection.
Watch, he will end up being THE one to watch for in this "movie". His PR will trump hers. The guy is hot!!!!!! Lohan? never was and never will be.
Submitted by Joeb on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 11:18pm.
"Prognosis: How long before Lifetime shuts down production due to Miss Lohan's exhaustion? "
"Exhaustion" is so 2011. I think White Oprah and Zelnik are going to have to raise the bar here -- mono or Epstein-Barr, perhaps.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Prognosis: How long before Lifetime shuts down production due to Miss Lohan's exhaustion? Smart money is: post lunch, 1st day. Who will Lifetime ship in as replacement? Don't think they don't have someone waiting who will do it for 1/5 the salary.
He looks like a mash- up of Ed Norton and Chuck Norris.
Haha.....that press release was so fucked it even left sucky relatively speechless!!!!! Lol. XD
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Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
Moobies never looked so hot... I'd love to taste every last inch!
I loved him in Outrageous Fortune. I admit i know nothing about Taylor and Burton but i'll never be able to believe these two as a couple.
I think I'd have to be paid a hell of a lot more than $200k to work with Strawberry Snortcake. He must be *really* hard up for work. =p
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Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
Yes I would.
*breaks out candles and fapping music*
Big YES, to Grant Bowler for Dick! Finally this mess has some beef!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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christallmighty, this production is shaping up to be as much of a mess as Liz's "Cleopatra" was. with all this hoopla, you'd think this was a $300 million dollar blockbuster, instead of a broke-ass, $2 million dollar Lifetime movie that they'll have to air to death in order to recoup their money.
Submitted by JessicaGiovanna on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 10:58pm.
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Seriously, he must be hard up to risk his life and dick for this.
this will so suck, poor Grant. Cooter really got screwed, but a check is a check.
Hope he puts an std clause on his contact.. Who knows what kind of new strain herp is gonna jump and latch on his shit.
Moobies!
A quote to end all quotes. I almost (ALMOST) want to replace my catholic anus ruler quote with this mess.
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
Fuck, this guy is all kind of hot.
That is all.
FUCK YES! Now I'll be able to fap to this mess!
Okay - that's the 4th new zealander that I
know of who is named Grant.
Is it just me or are those some extra large
nipples?
Oh, I thought it was the little Danny Partridge boy. He's ginger isn't he. What happens when you pair a ginger with a ginger.
holllly shizzz Grant Bowler is the hotness, Prime A-Grade New Zealand turned Aussie Beef.
i would like to call him daddy.