Kim Zolciak Keeps Her Kids In Check Abuelita-Style
UsWeekly asked Kim Zolciak of The Real Messes of Atlanta what kind of shit she carries in her purse (at least they didn't ask her what she keeps in her puss), because they're going hard for that Pulitzer, obviously. Personally, I care more about what Sheree keeps in her rent-to-own Louis Vuitton purse (eviction notices, a shrub costume to hide from bill collectors, a sand castle bucket to build the rest of Chateau Sheeree, Popsicle sticks to build Chateau Sheree's foundation, etc...), but I'm posting this because Kim keeps a very important item in her bag: a child-slapping wooden spoon!
Kim, who obviously read Abuelita's Guide to Whoopin' Ass cover-to-cover, says she's never used the wooden spoon, but brings it out whenever one of her kids sasses her ass. Kim said, "I carry a wooden spoon for my kids if they get fresh. I've never used it; I just pull it out and they know I'm serious."
Right. So we're really supposed to believe that the main purpose of that wooden spoon is to keep her kids in check and it isn't to attack all the Benji dogs who try to rescue one of their own from the top of her head? Okay, whatever, Kim.
If Kim is telling the truth, then she should know that there's no need to carry that wooden spoon around. If she wants to stun her children into silence, she should just sing live or pull out her phone and play this for them. Warning: If you're not like me and haven't played this over and over again for years, keep a wooden spoon handy. You will want to hit yourself in the ears with it.
That is what it sounds like when the devil cries and it really is the love song of our time.
Here's Kim and Kroy (I hate to say I would) at some event last month.
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:02pm.
EEEEBIL!!! You dirty girl!! :)
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ME??????? The chick that gave me the gift was the dirty girl!
I'm just a junior slut. Not a full on slut, just a junior one. : )
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:54pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:43pm.
Ohhhhh, I see it's time for me to leave this conversation.
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Was it my post?
*looks around all paranoid*
LOL!
It's not yours, it might be mine though LOL! . I am very strong about my views on this and it irks others but so what? Aren't we all strong on our views here? I don't attack those for hitting their kids, I just talk about it from my perspective. If it feels like an attack, that's up to the other persn. I'm done with it now, I said what I said and I'm done! ________________________________
Dark-sided!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:05pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:00pm.
EC, no it was no one's post inparticular. Just not in the mood for arguing today, especially over individual parenting skills. ♥
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I understand. I just didn't know if it was my vibrator story that ran you off.
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LOL!!! If anything, that would be the reason she stayed!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:00pm.
EC, no it was no one's post inparticular. Just not in the mood for arguing today, especially over individual parenting skills. ♥
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I understand. I just didn't know if it was my vibrator story that ran you off.
cowjam, yes, it's a sensitive subject for me.
I have never had trouble with my kids. Sure they can test their limits (and my mind!) but it was a decision I made when I was kid (to never hit my kids) and through all the "ha - wait till you have kids", I kept my word. My kids have neve had so much as a side conversation from a teacher. They are loved and respected - they love and respect back.
Whamo, I'm sorry. I had a very similar childhood, also the youngest and a little girl so being beaten by a rather huge man filled with rage is terrifying, not to mention the physchological torment.
I know no-one here is talking about that kind of trauma but when you have a childhood like ours, it gets hard to separate beating from words like "spanking" or "tapping". I've seen people spank their kids and i would consider it a beating.
I can only talk from my view point, anyway. That's all I have. People who hit can sometimes get so mad at the likes of me. I don't hit. Who should really be mad? And if I saw a parent hit a child with an object/belt/stick - yeah, I'm on 911. I'm THAT awful person. And the ironic thing is that people would get more mad at me that the hitter. There is no winning. A lot of kids in my neighborhood get hit. Two in particular and both have been suspended from school (they are 8!!) and for what? Hitting and beating other kids.
I'm done and if I get shit for this, then I don't care. I'm as entitled to my opinion as anyone else and yes, it is close to my heart.
Oh and STFU Provelone.
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Dark-sided!
Lmao Provvy!
Submitted by ewe :
Pfft. Wooden spoons are for amateurs. All my mother had to bring with her was "The Look!"
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LOL, that was my Gram's 2nd weapon in her arsenal.
#1 being "Ah-uh!" towards a small hand reaching for something it shouldn't, said hand was quickly retracted. Do it again, you'd get the look. That was usually enough. My brother would get a hand spanking. I can count on one hand the number of times I actually got and deserved one.
When visiting her friends, their kids would try to lure us into joining them jumping on the mom's nicely made bed. No Way Jose! We'd promptly return to the couch and park our asses there because we KNEW that shit would not fly when we got home! The moms were always surprised that we were that well behaved, not that theirs were such beasts.
It annoys me greatly when women do that "emphasizing the belly" pose. "Look, I'm pregnant; don't anyone think I'm just fat!" And it doubly annoys me when the proud baby daddy places his hand protectively on the belly. I don't know why that irks me so!!!!!!
We don't have a pilot light, so I have to use a lighter stick to light the stove. Once I learned that my kids were afraid of that thing, I was golden.
EEEEBIL!!! You dirty girl!! :)
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:52pm.
Whamo, my older brother was the devil growing up, I swear. He got the Matchbox race track across his ass! Remember those? He totally deserved that shit too! I got hit twice growing up *wears halo
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OMG...Orange Hot Wheel tracks were a love hate Christmas present around our house, on one hand, well you got a wicked present that loved to play with on the other hand there were 35 two foot weapons for Mom to grab at any given time and whip your ass with! Hell ya I remember those!! lol!!
It got to we'd try and hide the tracks or at least make sure they were well put away and not just lying around.
TEAM BEAT YOUR KIDS!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
*join Jack's pregnancy fantasy* hot!
EC, no it was no one's post inparticular. Just not in the mood for arguing today, especially over individual parenting skills. ♥
Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:53pm.
I think she must have some freaky sexual talents. I mean, she got Big Poppa to support her and her kids with buttloads of money for a LONG time, and it's not like she has beauty or personality. So I figure she must do weird kinky things in the sack.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I hate the whole "Ima hold mah belly so you know I'm pregnant" stance in every stupid picture. Pregnancy sex mmmmmmm.
"When the bar is only open 9 months a decade you drink til you puke!" ~ Alan Harper
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Ya'll I don't think that's really Kim's purse. I think it's just something they assembled to represent what's in her purse.
*puts in Det. Latoya monacle* Notice there's no weave hairs in those brushes.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:43pm.
Ohhhhh, I see it's time for me to leave this conversation.
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Was it my post?
*looks around all paranoid*
Pfft. Wooden spoons are for amateurs. All my mother had to bring with her was "The Look!"
And for those saying that spanking doesn't teach a kid anything, please. Spanking taught me not to do that shit again. Yes, I was one of those kids that loved to push boundaries just to see what would happen. A good ass whoopin took care of that. Note: I only got spanked doing shit I was already told not to do. Hearing my mother say "do it again and you'll see..." was a challenge in my eyes.
And now I'm into bdsm. Hey, wait a minute...
I don't understand why a good looking, 26-year-old professional football player would go for a fugly skank like that.
Maybe trash turns him on or something.
I personally feel dirty just thinking about it!
Honestly, a cat in heat sounds better. Kudos to the guy for not walking off laughing his ass off. What a pro! lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Whamo, my older brother was the devil growing up, I swear. He got the Matchbox race track across his ass! Remember those? He totally deserved that shit too! I got hit twice growing up *wears halo*
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Submitted by soapboxhero on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:45pm.
I was about 25 too, when my mom first hit me. I thought why was she bothering now?
MJT the side-eye haahaha! Same here and my son calls it that too. I give it, and he straightens up. He has to earn video game time, that means in the am he gets ready with no problems on time and packs his lunch etc, he is good all day in school (and the bus if he takes it), he has to complete his homework, eat dinner, shower and get his clothes and everything ready for the next day without a single issue or reminder and THEN he gets games for an allotted amount of time. He thinks losing games is a fate worse than death and he's only lost them once in six years. He gets straight A's (for his entire elementary school time I just found out today) so it pays to pull stuff from them if they love it and they are not being respectful etc...
Irish, I think that's great if it works for your children. Kudos. I know all kids are different and respond to different methods of parenting. :)
While I don't condone outright beatings, I don't think a normal hand spanking is out of line depending on the circumstances and if they've been given plenty of warning that it's a consequence. It's thier choice which direction it's gonna go.
As for me, I think it's uglier if a child disrepects it's parent with no consequences or a "Jimmy, honey, please don't call me a stupid bitch." or "Honey, please stop hitting me." and the horrid kid keeps on fully knowing there are no consequences. *shrugs* :-)
Submitted by IrishFury on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:34pm.
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Maybe you should have sat down and the "a talk" with my folks! If we fucked up we got "the belt" from the old man. Every so often if all 4 of us boys did something, it was a "line up" in front of the bathroom and one by one we'd have to listen to the other brother getting his ass whipped, it was as much for show as anything but it did fuckin hurt!! I was the littlest so by time dad got to me he's worked off most his stream. Now MOM on the other hand was fucking evil with whatever she got her hands on, her favorite weapon was THE WOODEN SPOON *que the da da dum dum* music. Man if she went for that som bitch you RAN and RAN FAST!!
It wasn't like we were beat sensless or even a lot but a "do you want me to get the belt out" shut us the fuck up pronto. Mom no warning.. sometimes, just a cold hand on your arm as you got you ass wipped and ran around like a tether ball while she held you...
ah good times....
*calls shrink, curls into ball for a week*
Submitted by IrishFury on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:38pm.
Oh, I just scrolled below! Obviously my views gonna piss folk off!
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With the utmost respect, you have shared enough here on the D that we understand where your views come from. I had a pretty "Leave it to Beaver" childhood, so I never saw that stick as a weapon.
about ten years ago I pushed my niece so hard (she was like 5) that she fell on her ass and started crying, the look in her eyes stiiiiiilll haunts me to this day! But it's different when it's your own kids. And if it's not done out of sheer frustration like when I did that.
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
My mom didn't need a damn spoon! I was 25 years old and my mom smacked my mouth with the back of her hand because I smarted off to her.
She did have a wooden spoon with a hole in the middle at home. That shit stung!
This trick's purse is a hot mess. She's a walking Walgreens. However, since I don't see any lacefront glue, I'm calling fraud.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Submitted by IrishFury on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:38pm.
Are you anti-spanking because you think of it SEXUALLY?! Do you have a spanking FETISH?
IF - I could never touch my son. Well, I did once, I popped him in the mouth, he was downright freaking the hell out. I did it and he just looked at me. I think he was 3. He's so good but this day he was on an emotional rollercoaster or something.
I will say if my son acted like that Laterian (or however you spell it) fucker here in FL stealing cars and shit, I'd beat his ass. I think though that the parents who have kids like that have allowed it to get to that point, those kids don't just start acting that way overnight.
Ohhhhh, I see it's time for me to leave this conversation.
*skips out*
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:27pm.
Someone gave me a "lipstick" vibrator once for a gift. I was all "Like I am going to "pretend" to put on lipstick in the office, then dart down to my nether regions and jack off?????!!!!!! Suuuuure!"
My cousins got the spoon and one time I got the spoon and then my aunt got her shit and GTFO of my momma's house....with her spoon. Hahahahahaaaa!
My mom was into to leather and switiches. FMR.
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
I can't lie, spanking kids does keep them in check. I just can't bring myself to do it. Don't get me wrong, my son's in check for the most part...he'd just be a lot more in check if I spanked him. like Duggar-level in check.
Just looook at her stupid pregnancy poses! URGH!!!!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
IKR, Hekki, and smokey, LOL!
I see she has Capital One in there! "What's in YOUR wallet" so classy!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by Hekki :
clairey, you're right. It loses its effectiveness if it's the only tool you use.
Eight times out of ten, there are other consequences. But sometimes I get out the SPOOOOOON. And most of the time it doesn't get used.
I'll gladly admit that the person who can use calm, rational explanations 100% of the time is a better parent than I am.
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Same here. When my sister was little, we'd give her an explanation of what the undesired/dangerous behavior was + consequences, 2 verbals warnings and she got a spanking. Same with my niece now. I don't believe the spoon has ever actually been used beyond that first warning shot. It's enough that it's there just out of reach.
Oh, I just scrolled below! Obviously my views gonna piss folk off!
But I stand by them. I'd vomit if I hit my kids; my God, I'd feel like an animal. Talk it out, take space, remove privileges...whatever. But Christ, keep our hands off our kids.
I imagine my kids coming home from school at 4 and me getting mad at them and hitting them or god - hitting them with an object. I get mad, all parents do but. Ok, I'm done with this topic, I'm not our to make statements against other ways to parent, just mine and it makes me ill.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:27pm.
lol! Travel sized rabbit. That reminds me of the time Mr. Chewi and I were in the back seat of my boss's car travelling with him and his wife to a baseball game - she opened the glove box for something and out spilled a vibrating cock ring. We all about died.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by snowpiece: "these "what is in her purse" stories are soooo fake? like she didn't know ahead of time and cleared out all the weave balls, pills and her travel sized rabbit"
Right?
So fake. And they always have some fabulous new lipcolor that just came out that's by one of their advertisers and the latest this or that.
I don't know too many real women who would spill out their purse willingly.
The best thing is a little Swiss Army knife. I love mine. Know how many times I've saved the day with it? (It has a corkscrew!)
I'm sorry but I cannot stand to see people hit their kids and to use an object should be illegal. You CANNOT guage the force you are using with a weapon (yes, I am going there) btween your hand and your childs body.
We have never hit our kids and I'm only talking about how I parent. But to hit your own child with an object is fucking vile. It teaches them nothing and NO study has ever said so (the opposite in fact.
We parent with our brains and our hearts, not with hands, fists or objects.
Go ahead and hate but it's ignorant and barbaric.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:14pm.
You Good Mommy!!! I'm sure you also deal out equal amounts of hugs and kisses too, but kids do need a certain amount of fearful respect for their parents, and teachers, at least!
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Fuckery is what fuckery does.
clairey, you're right. It loses its effectiveness if it's the only tool you use.
Eight times out of ten, there are other consequences. But sometimes I get out the SPOOOOOON. And most of the time it doesn't get used.
I'll gladly admit that the person who can use calm, rational explanations 100% of the time is a better parent than I am.
Mom grabbed a wooden spoon every now and then, but I don't remember anything coming out of her purse. My Dad, on the otherhand, was a fucking sadist! Loved watching us get our own switch, etc., fucking prick.
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Fuckery is what fuckery does.
these "what is in her purse" stories are soooo fake? like she didn't know ahead of time and cleared out all the weave balls, pills and her travel sized rabbit
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
I wonder how many points she gave herself for matching her lipstick to her fug dress.
Rarely spanked as a child myself as I was a pretty obedient, well-mannered kid. (Thanks Gram!) However, a few months ago I had to introduce the wooden spoon to my niece because she started to sass her mom. We gave her a demonstration of it's powers and that got her attention Real Quick. I gifted it to her mom and my niece kept trying to take it out of her mom's purse and leave it at my house.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 1:14pm.
Good for you! I believe in spanking. Kids should be afraid of their parents to a degree, as long as there is equal amount of affection involved as well.
I know that's prolly not a popular opinion these days, but like Cici said, the punishment dished out nowadays is nothing compared to good ol' ass-kickin' by Dad. *shrugs*
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."