Kim Zolciak Keeps Her Kids In Check Abuelita-Style
UsWeekly asked Kim Zolciak of The Real Messes of Atlanta what kind of shit she carries in her purse (at least they didn't ask her what she keeps in her puss), because they're going hard for that Pulitzer, obviously. Personally, I care more about what Sheree keeps in her rent-to-own Louis Vuitton purse (eviction notices, a shrub costume to hide from bill collectors, a sand castle bucket to build the rest of Chateau Sheeree, Popsicle sticks to build Chateau Sheree's foundation, etc...), but I'm posting this because Kim keeps a very important item in her bag: a child-slapping wooden spoon!
Kim, who obviously read Abuelita's Guide to Whoopin' Ass cover-to-cover, says she's never used the wooden spoon, but brings it out whenever one of her kids sasses her ass. Kim said, "I carry a wooden spoon for my kids if they get fresh. I've never used it; I just pull it out and they know I'm serious."
Right. So we're really supposed to believe that the main purpose of that wooden spoon is to keep her kids in check and it isn't to attack all the Benji dogs who try to rescue one of their own from the top of her head? Okay, whatever, Kim.
If Kim is telling the truth, then she should know that there's no need to carry that wooden spoon around. If she wants to stun her children into silence, she should just sing live or pull out her phone and play this for them. Warning: If you're not like me and haven't played this over and over again for years, keep a wooden spoon handy. You will want to hit yourself in the ears with it.
That is what it sounds like when the devil cries and it really is the love song of our time.
Here's Kim and Kroy (I hate to say I would) at some event last month.
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Submitted by agirl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 4:50pm.
Submitted by Slipknot on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:02pm.
It annoys me greatly when women do that "emphasizing the belly" pose. "Look, I'm pregnant; don't anyone think I'm just fat!" And it doubly annoys me when the proud baby daddy places his hand protectively on the belly. I don't know why that irks me so!!!!!!
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ITA! Or when pregnant women stroke their bellies? ICK. Why not just say, "Hey, look at me! I want attention! Woo-hoo, over here!" every thirty seconds or so.
Yes, WE KNOW you're pregnant. (Probably also because you talk of nothing else.) You had unprotected sex and your reproductive system is in working order, good for you. Stroking body parts is not appropriate.
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Truth! Congratulations for achieving what rats in the bottom of dumpsters and cockroaches in the dingiest cracks have been doing for centuries.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 8:25pm.
I'm watching Kim and Kroy's reality show right now on Bravo and I feel like I am losing brain cells by the minute. Everyone involved is incomprehensibly stupid
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Stupid AND ignorant.
You can have a fair amount of money and still be a pig with lipstick on. No amount of Dior clothing or Versace china is going to make that woman classy.
I'm watching Kim and Kroy's reality show right now on Bravo and I feel like I am losing brain cells by the minute. Everyone involved is incomprehensibly stupid.
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GO FALCONS W0000000000
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
Lol. Abuelita style !!! My mom was German and I thought the wooden spoon was just a German thing.... Good to know Latina moms pop yoir ass with that, too. The dreaded wooden spoon....LMFAO
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
Kim said, "I carry a wooden spoon for my kids if they get fresh. I've never used it; I just pull it out and they know I'm serious."
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If she's never used it, why would it have any effect on them? It's not like a wooden spoon is inherently scary to kids, or anyone else.
If she's never hit them with it, then took it out and said, "I'm serious" they'd think, "Huh? OK, Mom, you're serious... about a wooden spoon? I don't get it".
Submitted by Slipknot on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:02pm.
It annoys me greatly when women do that "emphasizing the belly" pose. "Look, I'm pregnant; don't anyone think I'm just fat!" And it doubly annoys me when the proud baby daddy places his hand protectively on the belly. I don't know why that irks me so!!!!!!
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ITA! Or when pregnant women stroke their bellies? ICK. Why not just say, "Hey, look at me! I want attention! Woo-hoo, over here!" every thirty seconds or so.
Yes, WE KNOW you're pregnant. (Probably also because you talk of nothing else.) You had unprotected sex and your reproductive system is in working order, good for you. Stroking body parts is not appropriate.
Jack do you know my Mom? lol that sounds like something she would say haha
Every yyear on his bday my Sisters would joke and say make sure Mom isn't near him when he blows out the candles...
@ Britney - that is hysterical. If I had done that to my mother, they never would have found my body. LOL.
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
I looked something like this afterwards ;)
http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-77016928/stock-photo-portrait-of-a-dirty...
Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 3:16pm.
"he inhaled and got smacked upside the head then exhaled"
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hahahahaha! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHERFUCKER!!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
@BCAW
Hilarious!!! *wipes tears*
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Yeah I think we deserved it too!!!
My cousin got it in front of his friends from school and our family. Right before blowing out the canddles. It was sooo funny he inhaled and got smacked upside the head then exhaled hahaha
We have pictures of him crying. We were at King Leo's Pizza the #1 hot spot for bday parties in the 90's!!
I still don't know whhy we did it. Both of my parents are awesome. Maybe being the leader of all my younger cousins went to my head. They still talk about all the shit I made them do. Good times....
Britney's, your mom should have just given you guys a good talking to instead. :p
Britneys, omg you are going to get me fired! Haahahahahaha!! *tears*
BCAW: I'm rolling! I dare say you beasts deserved it. Why did you pour nasty water on your mom's head?
Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:27pm.
I'm a heartless bitch, because I really laughed at the part where you were getting beat with the belt and dirt was flying everywhere.
Great story. Good laugh!
Britneys cheap - LMFAO!!!!!
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
I think everyone in my family has heard that story. It was a team effort it took both of scranny asses to carry that bucket!! We were like 7 or 8 I think. But yeah after we thought we were safe inside the van we were flipping her off, my cousin mooned her, we were yelling calling her fat pointing and laughing.
When she was beating me with the belt I was just rolling on the ground. Dirt flying all over the place lol
Oh yeah and before we poured it over her face. We played witches brew by adding dirt, grass and rocks haha we pretended to be stiring up some poison. We used an old broom to stir our "pot" We were right next to her the whole time but she was asleep I dont kniow how we got the guts or the idea to dump it on her.
I don't spank with anything but my hand, and it's usually just one firm smack. I started feeling like I was spanking out of frustration and not particularly as a punishment, so I make a huge effort not to do it.
So now Fairy gets sent to her room a lot, lol. She HATES it.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
Thanks for the laugh Britney!
Funniest thing I've read in awhile.
LMFAO at Britneys... You little bastards!!
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
Britney's....LMFAOOOO!
BCAW - funniest fucking story I've heard in a while!!! LMAO
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by clairey claire: "...I want to be able to tell her 'we don't hit people' with some credibility."
HAHAHAH! This.
I have a problem with the hypocrisy, but I still do the occasional spanking.
britneys cheap! hahaha! How old were you? the fumes fucked her up a bit hahahaha!
Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:27pm.
The only time I got beat...
Me and my cousin pored water over my Mom's head while ashe lying down on hammock. Nit just any water but the stinkiest nastiest water eva it was a bucket we grabed from underneath the kitchen sink. It had been collecting from a leaky pipe for a while. Anyways we pored on her while she asleep lol she got got up in a quickness but it took a minute for her to actually run after us I'm guessing the fumes fucked her up lol anyways while she was running after us I swear it felt like a slasher film. When the killer just walks and the victim runs for dear life yelling and somehow the killer catches up with no effort. We ran into a broke down abandoned van that was parked in our back yard. Of course we locked ourselves in. We felt very protected we got cocky and too the fuckery to the next level by flipping her off through the glass window my cousin even pulled down his pants and told her to kiss his ass lmao as 4th graders we thought it was the funniest coolest thing to do. My Mom was pissed yelling and threating our lives banging on the window to open the door.Sahe finally left and we were debating wetgher to make a run for it or wait it out. She came out running towards the van and we starded scrambling to open the door cuz that crazy bitch had the keys which we didn't knoweven existed!!! She opened the passenger door my cousin managed to run out the back door but I got caught all I remember is getting beat with a belt and dirt flying everywhere. My cousin got his the next day on hhis bday while singing happy birthday right before blowing thw canddles out hahaha best part we got pictures :)
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Oh my God, I am laughing my ass off! That is an awesome story !
And you mooned and flipped her off AFTER the slasher movie started? The balls! Christ, I might even be on Team Mom for that, you little brats! If my kids did that to me there would be fucking smoke coming out my ears!
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by Hekki :
IF: I'm not gonna hate on you! You're an excellent mother and I totally respect you.
There is LOTS of love in our home, and much hugging and kissing and verbal expression of approval and positive reinforcement. But I also rule with a very firm hand that sometimes holds a wooden spoon. Like I said, I want them to fear my wrath.
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Same here. Raised my sister that way and now she helps out with our niece. The niece gets the time out chair or wall time (facing or nosing the wall for 5 mins) and for the most part that works. I think regardless of which methodology you choose, you basically have to give a shit about what kinds of kids you'll thrust upon society and that they are a benefit not a burden.
My sister is a college student now who also works in a juvenile detention center as well as another place where "seriously disturbed" kids/teens go.
The stuff she has told me about their records: drug use, prostitution, animal cruelty & destruction, suicides, is just heartbreaking. Those places are where kids whose parents didn't give a shit end up.
The only time I got beat...
Me and my cousin pored water over my Mom's head while ashe lying down on hammock. Nit just any water but the stinkiest nastiest water eva it was a bucket we grabed from underneath the kitchen sink. It had been collecting from a leaky pipe for a while. Anyways we pored on her while she asleep lol she got got up in a quickness but it took a minute for her to actually run after us I'm guessing the fumes fucked her up lol anyways while she was running after us I swear it felt like a slasher film. When the killer just walks and the victim runs for dear life yelling and somehow the killer catches up with no effort. We ran into a broke down abandoned van that was parked in our back yard. Of course we locked ourselves in. We felt very protected we got cocky and too the fuckery to the next level by flipping her off through the glass window my cousin even pulled down his pants and told her to kiss his ass lmao as 4th graders we thought it was the funniest coolest thing to do. My Mom was pissed yelling and threating our lives banging on the window to open the door.Sahe finally left and we were debating wetgher to make a run for it or wait it out. She came out running towards the van and we starded scrambling to open the door cuz that crazy bitch had the keys which we didn't knoweven existed!!! She opened the passenger door my cousin managed to run out the back door but I got caught all I remember is getting beat with a belt and dirt flying everywhere. My cousin got his the next day on hhis bday while singing happy birthday right before blowing thw canddles out hahaha best part we got pictures :)
No cigarettes? That is NOT Kim's purse. BTW, I am calling suspect on her garage fire. That was some straight up after-school smoking going on in there.
@EvilShoe- Yeah, I don't plan on having children, but I have always been of the opinion that people should wait to have kids when they themselves are more mature and settled. Patience is paramount.
@Jack- Things are ok. Not great, but I am not as upset as I was. Heck, you just have to roll with the punches, and deal with things accordingly. Thanks for asking Jack! : )
EC's got a case of the dp's today again.
*ponts and laughs*
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:10pm.
Errrrrrrrrrrrrr??? Esscuze me? Do you not know me?
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Yes, yes I do. That was why I asked, because I thought, "Why would M.E be offended after that post".
I'm all caught up here, and realize I am just stoopit!
Like I said to Jack, IGNORE ME! I am not functioning on all cylinders this week.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Oh god I wish my mom would've just slapped me when I was bad. Instead I got the 20 minute lecture on why I was wrong, how to do better and what am I gonna do the next time something gives me the opportunity to be bad or good.
It's all good, Cuppy... I hope your week is shaping up :)
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Evil -you never know what kind you will be until you have them. I strongly believe having them too young causes the parents to lose their shit more on the kids, no patience. My childhood friend has two teens now and she literally yelled at them everyday, all day growing up. I waited to have my son and she constantly asks me how I do it now yelling and why he is so good. Patience.
Submitted by IrishFury
Whamo, I'm sorry. I had a very similar childhood, also the youngest and a little girl so being beaten by a rather huge man filled with rage is terrifying, not to mention the physchological torment.
I can only talk from my view point, anyway. I'm done and if I get shit for this, then I don't care. I'm as entitled to my opinion as anyone else and yes, it is close to my heart.
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Aww, I'm sorry that was your experience Irish :-(
That's absolutely horrible! ((hugs)) And yes, you are entitled to your opinion as well. I'm glad your way works for you :)
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:10pm.
Cuppy - LOL I didn't even see the vibrator post (hot)... I was referring to Evil Shoe "joining in" on the pregnancy sex fantasy.
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Oh *all embarrassed*. YES, I am one of those assholes that thinks everything is about me!!!!!!!!!
See, I am trying to work, AND do dlisted duty, and in the process I am missing IMPORTANT parts of this thread!
IGNORE ME!~
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:07pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:05pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:00pm.
EC, no it was no one's post inparticular. Just not in the mood for arguing today, especially over individual parenting skills. ♥
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I understand. I just didn't know if it was my vibrator story that ran you off.
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LOL!!! If anything, that would be the reason she stayed!
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See who knows me!
Submitted by clairey claire on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:08pm.
OMG I let my son watch that and his eyes were like OO omg what is wrong with those kids, mom!
Him and I did the space thing in Huntsville, AL where you're an astronaut a few days and all that jazz. One of the dad's was from the show wife swap (I looked it up later) and his kids ran amuck the whole time we were with them. He just sat there reading the paper like he heard nothing, totally tuned it out. I was like "okay boys, please climb down from the top of the dressers etc" we had to share rooms (awkward as hell).
Is there no place I can get a break at lately.
Now the dnl post gobblin is back! ARGH!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:07pm.
Hahaha. Yeah, I was kinda thinking that but then given my week, I just allowed my paranoia to get the best of me.
@IF- YES, we should all be strong in our opinions. I guess I should read the thread a little more to see where everyone stands.
I don't have kids, so I really don't know what kind of a parent I would be. I know I am always the person kids in trouble with mom and dad run to for comfort, but thats because I am not the parents. Its easier that way!
I would. He looks sturdy.
Since when does the Dark Lord of the Undead respond to human emotions? If Kunty Karl is going to start caring about human feelings, then there's really no hope for cuntkind. I'll have to start calling him Karing Karl. The end of days, indeed. - MK
Oh I know Hekki! I don't think that parents who hit don't love their kids or show them affection- not at all! Patenting is so thankless and frustrating at times, it really is. Hitting is borne of frustration; I know where it comes from.
Most parents are doing the very best they can; my methods just work for me.
Now let's enter the parent circle and sing songs!
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Dark-sided!
Cuppy - LOL I didn't even see the vibrator post (hot)... I was referring to Evil Shoe "joining in" on the pregnancy sex fantasy.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:05pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 2:00pm.
EC, no it was no one's post inparticular. Just not in the mood for arguing today, especially over individual parenting skills. ♥
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I understand. I just didn't know if it was my vibrator story that ran you off
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Errrrrrrrrrrrrr??? Esscuze me? Do you not know me?
Evil_Cupcake! *licks head*
He means me and my devil horns for thinking of hot, pregnancy sex and all the ways to get your freak on.
^^
Hekki I'm sure you're an amazing mum. I don't mean to lecture anyone and like I said I have hit my kid before. I try really hard not to lose it with her though because I want to be able to tell her 'we don't hit people' with some credibility. I find the naughty step works well for us. God bless Supernanny.
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
IF: I'm not gonna hate on you! You're an excellent mother and I totally respect you.
There is LOTS of love in our home, and much hugging and kissing and verbal expression of approval and positive reinforcement. But I also rule with a very firm hand that sometimes holds a wooden spoon. Like I said, I want them to fear my wrath.