Brit Brit's X-Factor Rider Reads Exactly The Way You'd Expect It To Read
Correction: It's not totally what I expected. That headline is a liar. I expected to see a gigantic tub (made of Cheetos powder and bacon glue) full of Fresca and buttered popcorn-flavored Jelly Bellies in there. Maybe she's saving that for the live shows.
Seen here looking like a scared kindergarten on picture day who was told to keep her hands to herself, Brit Brit started her first day as judge on The X-Factor in Austin, TX today. Before the Louisiana trailer park blossom judges bitches who have more natural singing talent than she does, she has to fill her belly bag with fried chicken, Doritos and Diet Coke stew. Something called Look Magazine (via Entertainmentwise) says these are Brit Brit's dressing room demands:
34 Herve Leger bandage dresses
12 Snickers bars
6 cases of Diet Coke
10 bags of Doritos
12 vases of magnolias
10 pieces of fried chicken
4 pints of tater salad
1 manicurist, 1 facialist and 1 massage therapist
The manicurist is there to scrub the Doritos smemga out of her nail gutters. The facialist is there pick the pieces of fried chicken dingles off of her cheeks. And the massage therapist is there to knead out the doody knot that's in her ass from eating all that shit. But seriously, that list is actually pretty tame for Brit Brit. You'd think she'd force them to move a Circle K into her trailer. It's a sad day when Brit Brit is eating fried chicken and a Snickers for lunch instead of sucking off a gas station nacho cheese dispenser like she did in the old days. There's not even Velveeta grits on that list!
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Well im in a good mood today because I got a job :) so I will say I think they both look great and potato salad actually sounds kinda good right now.
If you're worried about criticism sometimes a diet is the best defense - Lucille Bluth
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:13pm.
Good for you!
And the FedEx guy.......?
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Submitted by Dog on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:06pm.
Eeeeeevil! How, ah say, how you feelin', gurl?
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Hi Dog!
I'm okay. Like I told Jack, I'm rolling with the punches, as you have to do. I have decided you can't stress over shit you have zero control over, so on life goes.
I just wish I could sleep. Nada is working, but maybe general fatigue will overcome me this weekend.
Big holiday plans for you and the fam? I'm staying in. I was invited to a friends lake home but declined. It's just me and the furries!
ON TOPIC- YES, fried chicken too! YUM!
To be fair, I probably would also request Doritos and fried chicken on my tour. The Cool Ranch variety and KFC, if you please (NOT Popeye's). Brit's a girl after my own heart.
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"She's dazzling, she's exciting and she's very, very sexy. She's what The X-Factor is all about!
We could've put anyone in this show, Paula Abdul, Janet Jackson. We wanted Britney!"
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:49pm.
I think this show will be a piece of shit like the rest of them, and the sheeple will watch it anyway.
Did anyone even watch the last one? I predict that these shitty "talent shows" are on the way out. That The Voice shit recently came to the UK and after the first couple of weeks, nobody is watching it anymore.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:49pm.
I think this show will be a piece of shit like the rest of them, and the sheeple will watch it anyway.
The word of the Lord. Amen.
Oh, my. Brit looks different in this pic (and not in a good way). At first I thought it was Kim Zolciak. I'm hoping that's not actually Britney; maybe MK got the photos mixed up.
[crosses fingers]
Eeeeeevil! How, ah say, how you feelin', gurl?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
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Frowny Face!
(Shout out to the Gay Pimp crew)
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse.
I am totally on board with the 10 bags of Doritos.
What's taters, precious? What's taters, eh?
She's getting paid $15 million and still needs them to pick up the cost of those shitty Herve Leger dresses? Bitch, puh-lease. Other than that, the list is surprisingly tame.
What's with the sore/burn mark on her left foot?
Oh I don't believe these riders. I had read Streisand had only two on her concert tour: the hotel bathroom had to be carpeted by the bathtub with brand new carpeting and no tour worker could wear ugly work clothes around her, they had to wear buttoned black long sleeves shirts. Now those I believe and I'd be classy like that. I like to think. (belch). (finger up nose).
I heard the food was for her team of people not just her, anyways interesting and I think tame list considering the outrageous things other celebrities ask for.
I reckon Cheryl is laughing at all this. She may be a shitty singer and have a shady past but she far outshines Brit Grit on the class, looks and sanity stakes.
I do Pagents!
They're gonna need a teleprompter with little words in all caps to get her to say anything even remotely on point or interesting. "Ah laiked it, y'all" is not going to hold viewers.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
I think she looks great...in the body. Her face - so medicated.
Poor brit brit. And I really doubt that is in her rider. But who knows.
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
Look at her eyes. Now unless I miss my guess, she is heavily medicated.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I think this show will be a piece of shit like the rest of them, and the sheeple will watch it anyway.
I generally dislike Doritos (too heavily seasoned and too salty), but I recently tried these, and they're awesome:
http://www.fritolay.com/our-snacks/doritos-dinamita-nacho-picoso.html
I think you need to have a sizable Mexican population in your area if you hope to find them, tho.
Somewhere in England Cheryl Cole is sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, muttering to herself "It shoodav been me pet, it shoodav been meeee".
She looks great. And I would love some fried chicken and tater salad right about now. No point in the diet coke though.
I ate a baked Cheeto last weekend. Tasted as shitty as the regular Cheetos do.
*shrugs*
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Uh, she's making "fart faces" cos she IS farting!
Oh lord, I thought that said "4 pints tartar sauce"
WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST LET HER BE GREAT?????
Cuz she ain't.
That concludes today's rhyme.
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www.modestneeds.org
And where the fuck are the baked beans? I'm surprised she didn't order a case of those too, to crack 'em open and scoop out Dorito chipfulls of beans. You know she does that shit.
Crunchy cheetos are my absolute favs. Despite smelling like stinking feet, I also love Fritos, the originals.
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Dark-sided!
As gross as that list is, I'm hungry so it sounds DELICIOUS. A damn carb explosion
Hahaha she does look like scared Kinder kid on pic day!!
I think she looks good minus the fart faces she's making in the pictures *hides*
I wish they'd let this poor fool just retire...
But I HAVE to snark that with all of that shit she wants to eat, she still wants to stuff herself into those bandage dresses! HEFFA!
Must be how she keeps her girlish figure!
1 psychotherapist
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Please: It's "rahnday."
No way she needs 34 of those dresses at that price! I don't think they would give them to her.
I love "tater salad". Potato is too elitist.
Don't tell me that's not the shopping list for a bulimic. But Brit's legs are as muscular as ever so she must be working out. Mystery...
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse.
Yea, I'll take a bucket of chicken, a dozen Snickers, 10 bags of Doritos and a DIET COKE.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
A) No such word as "facialist"
2) She won't have to worry about the bandage dresses if she eats and drinks all that crap every day.
iii) Um, is she even aware of what's going on around her?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Jesus, 6 cases of Diet Coke? If I had one, mah belly would be bloated to hell and back. 6 cases for how long?
Why does everything have to be so damn numerical specific? 10 pieces of chicken, 12 Snickers and WTH does she need with 34 HL dresses. Why isn't weaveologist and an on
call psychologist on this list??_______________________________
"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
Someone retire those Herve Leger dresses already! It's always on the ones who shouldn't be wearing it.
What KIND of Doritos, though?
Jesus Britney, those bandage dresses are your enemy and fall right in the middle of your thighs. Your ample thighs. This is not the look!
And who says 'tater salad' on a rider? I'm not sure I believe this now.
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Dark-sided!
Lol @ scared kindergartener!