It’s been a quick millisecond since the X-Factor started filming in Austin, TX and STUNT QUEEN extraordinaire Simon Cowell is already pulling out the tricks. TMZ says that Brit Brit played the quit this bitch card by leaving the judge’s table, because she was upset that a contestant on stage slowly murdered her “Hold It Against Me.” Yeah, I didn’t know it was humanly possible for a ho to make that song sound any worse than it really does. Brit Brit is the only bitch allowed to butcher her songs! So she stormed backstage right after she asked her conservators and three local judges for permission to do so. But she still did it! The perfect commercial break cliffhanger! Will Brit Brit come back? Is she backstage shaving her weave off with one hand while umbrella-ing a production assistant in the dick with the other? Will the audience’s bulging and shocked eyeballs ever retreat into their sockets? Will Simon Cowell ever stop deviously patting his hairy chest muffins while cackling over how much attention this mess is getting.
TMZ says that a few contestants auditioned before Brit Brit finally came back to her seat. Some people on Twitter say that it wasn’t even that much of a Norma Desmond moment and Brit Brit just took a quick break from judging. They said she eventually came back to the judge’s table.
Hold up. Brit Brit took a break while all the other judges sat there? I know what kind of break that was. It was an “unleash the prairie dog” kind of break. Bitch broke it off right over the toilet. Forget the match, somebody light a torch (or a lighter in front of a can of AquaNet will do). That’s what happens when Brit Brit eats a Snickers and Doritos sandwich before showtime.