Minka Kelly And Matthew McConaughey To Play Jackie Kennedy & JFK

May 23, 2012 / Posted by:

If you’re the Alabama Leprechaun and you’re looking for the wrong stuff to smoke, head directly to the casting office for The Butler, because they’re obviously tripping into new dimensions over there. They’re tripping so hard that they’ve frolicked into a new world where casting Minka Kelly and Matthew McConaughey as the Kennedys makes sense. Because it makes zero sense in this world. R. Kelly and Rooster McConaughey as Jackie & John makes more sense than this mess.

Indiewire has blown out a crack cloud in the form of news that the Leighton Meester impersonator and the Texas T-Rex will join Forrest Whitaker, Oprah, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lenny Kravitz, Terrence Howard, Alan Rickman (as Ronald Reagan), Jane Fonda (as Nancy Reagan), John Cusack (as Nixon) and Nicole Kidman’s forehead (as The White House) in The Butler. Lee Daniels, who directed Precious, will direct the story of the White House butler (played by Forrest Whitaker) who served eight presidents from 1952 to 1986. But who the hell cares about the story! My ears are too busy curling at the thought of Matthew McConaughey trying to turn his extra slow drawl into JFK’s accent. It’s going to sound like what would hit your ears if a stoned Forrest Gump was in The Departed.

Terrible accents aside, 99% of this movie’s budget is going to go toward turning these hos into the people they’re supposed to be playing using the same shit the Kardashians smear their faces with (sandbox indian clay, terracotta epoxy putty and shark cartilage). To save money, Lee Daniels should just fire everybody and cast this movie from Disney World’s Hall of Presidents. It’d be cheaper and the performances would definitely be better.

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