The Fokkens Twins of Amsterdam! With an amazing last name like Fokkens, you’re either destined for a role in a Ben Stiller movie or destined for a career in ho shit. Martine and Louise Fokkens went with the latter and it made them legends in Amsterdam’s Red Light District! For over 40 years, the 70-year-old twin sisters have been turning tricks and taming dicks way before the Euro came along. During their early pussy peddling days, the Fokkens Twins were basically slaves to a pimp and so they broke free to start their own brothel. Since then, they set up the first informal trade union for hookers and are matriarchs of the coochie merchants stroll.
One of the twins’ coochie had a going out of business sale years ago, because the game isn’t what it used to be. The other twin hasn’t sent her chocha to the Shady Pines Retirement Home just yet, because paying her bills with just a monthly state pension check isn’t a possibility. Ole’ girl is still selling dates with the oldest, hardest and longest working pussay in the business.
The Fokkens Twins are the stars of a new documentary called “Ouwehoeren” (That’s Dutch for “out whoring.” No, it isn’t.) that made its debut at Cannes and will come out in the US later this summer. Here’s the trailer and please redirect your “Gérard Depardieu looks good in drag” jokes to the trash can and instead focus on the oh-so-elegant whipped cream and orange juice beverage:
Sadly, after scanning the YouTube comments my ass learned it’s not orange juice! It’s a Dutch alcoholic drink that a lot of people enjoy with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream. Learning that fact filled me with drops of disappointment. Because when I was a kid, I regularly took one of my mom’s wine glasses, filled it with orange sherbet, put a few dollops of Cool Whip on top and ate that mess with my legs crossed like I was fancy and shit. And by “when I was a kid” I really meant “yesterday.”
And I really hope in 40 years when I’m finally making plans to shut down Dlisted, my sister says to me, “You did the work, you’ve been a whore. You’ll never get rid of that name. They’ll always call you names, so be one.”