Oh, So Now Lindsay Lohan Is Suddenly Picky When It Comes To Dick

If the producers of Lifetime’s Liz & Dick cast an orange parking cone in a brown wig to play Richard Burton opposite Lindsay Lohan’s Elizabeth Taylor, that bitch should shut her lips and nod, because she should be lucky that someone is giving her a chance to prove that she’s not a chronic professional fuck up and is about as pleasant as getting finger fucked by an eagle. But Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t be Lindsay Lohan if she didn’t induce a dozen eye rolls with her self-entitled antics, so of course she’s already a freckled thorn in the producers’ ass lips.

A source tells Radar that the producers of that basic cable foolery put Matthew Settle of Gossip Girl, Sean Maguire of Meet the Spartans and Craig Robert Young on the short list for the role of Richard Burton, but LiLo waved all of them away. The fact that this is a movie for FUCKING LIFETIME hasn’t penetrated through the fart bubble of delusion that LiLo lives in and so she thinks an A-lister should star opposite her, so says the source:

“Lindsay is being an absolute nightmare about who should play Burton. She believes Matthew Settle is too old to play the role, and she wants a major A-list star to be her co-star. However, her salary for the role took up a major portion of the budget, and the Burton gig will likely only pay $200k, max. The producers don’t need to get Lindsay’s approval of who will play Richard Burton, but they want to keep her happy.

They are already in pre-production and it’s very hard to conduct any rehearsals without the pivotal role of Richard Burton. There is also cause for concern because Lindsay partied all night last week with Paris Hilton, Barron Hilton and Brandon Davis. All three, including Lindsay, have been arrested for DUI and/or drug charges previously. Lindsay shouldn’t be out partying all night long, no good can come of that.”

LiLo wants to fly to London to handpick her own Richard Burton, but the producers aren’t going to fund that trip.

None of these dudes give me Richard Burton vibes, but this movie is just a whoring for ratings project camouflaged as an Elizabeth Taylor biopic so it doesn’t matter who plays him. I wouldn’t be surprised if LiLo ended up playing Liz AND Dick so she can collect two checks. I also wouldn’t be surprised if White Oprah is trying to get the producers to cast The Curious Case of Ali Lohan as Richard Burton so she can collect two commissions. “It doesn’t count as incest if it’s done in front of the cameras…. for a check….. and if the producers give their pimp a lifetime supply of Svedka as a finders fee.” – White Oprah’s life motto

But seriously, since Liz & Dick is already a mess, the producers should get totally messy by casting Pete “Dreamboat” Doherty, seen below looking hot at Cannes, as Richard Burton. Dreamboat is absolutely perfect for the simple fact that he wouldn’t flinch if LiLo sneezed up a coke booger on his face during the kissing scenes.