It’s Going To Be A Loooooooooooong Engagement

May 22, 2012 / Posted by:

“Okay, who accidentally dropped their detachable balls on the carpet over here?” is probably the question someone asked 3 seconds before this picture was taken.

The engagement ring made from one of Jesus’ kidney stones that is wrapped around one of Angie Jo’s talons is going to have to wait a long time before it gets a visit from a wedding band. That’s what Brad Pitt basically said during a press conference in Cannes for his new movie Killing Them Softly. (No, unfortunately, Killing Them Softly is not a sequel to the beautiful Heather Graham shit show Killing Me Softly.) According to People, a reporter asked Brad Pitt if they’ve set a wedding date yet, because he knows the angels up above are going to jizz over it and he’d really like to wear a hat umbrella that day. Brad Pitt answered like this:

“We have no date at all right now – there is no date. We’re still hoping for marriage equality in the States before we [get married.]”

Translation: “We’re going to milk another ten million tabloid covers out of this, so get used to Angie stabbing you with her body bones as she gets right on top of your nerves.”

Brad has been saying since the beginning of Brangelina time that he and Angie will get married when everybody can get married…blah blah blah… What I don’t understand is that why don’t the Brangeloonies make this happen? A Brangelina wedding would be like Christmas wrapped in an orgasm to the Brangeloonies, so why don’t they use their psychotic unrelenting powers for good? They should band together and travel from state to state, attacking all of the anti-gay marriage voters the same way they attack bitches online who say anything bad about their Gods. They would turn every NAY for gay marriage into YAY for gay marriage by sheer annoyance. That would be using their crazy for good and their life goal of seeing their GODS get married would be fulfilled!

I’m surprised they haven’t done that already. It makes me question the Brangeloonies and I’m starting to think that it’s all a myth. I’m starting to think that the Brangeloonies are really just one of Maddox’s interns with an IP switcher. Say it ain’t so!

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >