I didn’t watch the Billboard Music Awards last night, because I try to keep my holy Sundays Bieber and Chris Brown-free. And because I was too busy watching (CELEBRITY APPRENTICE SPOILER ALERT, AVERT EYES NOW) Clay Gayken get robbed on Donald Trump’s Double Hour of Has-Been Foolery. Jabba the Trump is not only the asshole of all assholes, but he’s a total Clay-ophobe too. When Arsenio was named as the winner, I immediately gained 100 pounds, slipped on a pair of mom jeans (paired with a “Clay Shakes My Ovaries” t-shirt made with Puffy Paint) and knocked the 50 fat cats from my lap to take to the Claymate message boards on Yahoo! to declare my outrage over that shit while sharing recipes for the perfect creamed cake stew to drown my feelings with. I became an instant Claymate! Don’t worry, I exorcised the Claymate out of me by not spooning with my homemade Gayken doll during the night. I’m good now.
Anyway, so last night I didn’t watch Katy Perry sing her new song “Wide Awake” on a set made from leftover pieces and projections from Smashing Pumpkins’ “Tonight, Tonight” video. But Pink and her husband Carey Hart watched it and he accused Katy of copy + pasting his wife’s Grammys performance. When I watched Katy awkwardly swing around up there while trying to sing, I didn’t see Pink’s performance, but I did see shades of this:
At least Mary Johanson has an excuse for not walking around on the stage, but Katy Perry doesn’t! I kept waiting for Denise Richards and a Jesus on wheels to dance across the stage in front of Katy. If only.
Here’s Katy wearing Miss Yugoslavia 1984’s pageant dress while posing with her grandma on the white carpet.